Man that elusive 90 days???.. The VanGuy journal

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by VanGuy, Jun 5, 2019.

  1. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    I’m not 100% how forums work so I may bugger this up a bit, I’m really just wanting to write down any issues as they come up and learn from them.

    I’ve been attempting NoFap in a sense for quite a while, probably a couple of years.. the longest streak I had was 22days.. I’m 46 so have been PMOing for over 30 years..twice daily as an average.. thought that was normal.
    I can’t believe that their are educated people in society that say porn isn’t a problem..I felt amazing for most of those 22 days I had stopped...
    it wasn’t about women throwing themselves at me either but more that I started seeing women as people and not objects and I REALLY like that difference.

    I gave up cigarettes years ago.. (not as a hard as this) At the beginning of last year I gave up Alcohol (was getting a out of hand) and most Sugar.. (actually makes a big difference to relapses in me)..gave up my job.. got deeper into yoga and Zen and live a fairly solitary existence in a Van...I lost 20kgs and had a big change of life and am generally very happy with who I am... apart from the Porn!

    Giving up Porn and Masturbation was almost an afterthought.. “I should probably add that to the list kinda deal”.. (mainly because I had really noticed the escalation into darker shit and watching things that were shocking rather than arousing..while being aware of the fact I might add!)
    My god! has been the hardest by far.. my latest streak went 10 days and then last night.. I plugged away...flogging a dead horse for hours because the sick shit I was watching isn’t actually arousing (if that makes any sense.. you gotta keep looking for it??) and the logical part of my brain is still shrugging it’s shoulders going..Wtf?...I don’t know either?

    I noticed a recurring theme though which is: I regularly start off good can get to 7-10 days fairly regularly now and then when I feel really great and think to myself “I’ve got this shit beat”... that will be the day that I lose it!

    If my diets good in regards to stimulants.. particularly sugar.. I’m less compulsive and find it easier to control...the other mental aspect that I have now realising is that a 7-10day PMO is way better feeling than a daily.. so I’ve almost trained myself to value that..and I almost even convinced myself that this might be a good compromise... NOT AT ALL!.. sick shit was prevailing last night.. I want it gone!

    Anyway I’m an official Fapstronaut today and I’m going 90 days!… shit or bust and I want to document it…and also spend a bit more time reading through others experiences..and look back on this as I go and remember where I was at.

    I’ve never been on a forum, so in my head this is just a journal and if people talk to me as well …that’s cool. If I’m doing it wrong someone let me know hey?

    Only hesitation I have is that I don’t want to rely on this as a crutch…but I gotta do something.
    I’m am getting there.. but I really want to beat it now!... Well actually NOT beat “IT”… HAHA well... You know what I mean

    P.s: Verbalising it all really helps... feeling very clear about it and confident!

    Oh and thanks for the site because I’ve been looking at it for quite a while on and off and it’s clear you guys are doing a bloody good thing
    Deleted Account and Badvock like this.
  2. TheProcedure

    TheProcedure Fapstronaut

    i think you're looking at it exactly right: as a journal! and if once in a while a fellow fapstronaut (like me) chimes in, great. but yes, i find this website a great channel in documenting our journey with the setbacks, struggles, and successes alike. stay strong and let's do this.
    VanGuy likes this.
  3. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

    VanGuy likes this.
  4. Badvock

    Badvock Fapstronaut

    Welcome aboard pal, thanks for sharing, i'm 47 and see a lot of correlation between our stories, This is a great place to start you journey out of addiction. Like u=you I use it for venting, it's not about interaction so much for me as it is a coping mechanism in those times of need, it's nice to talk with others though especially when you realise that you are not alone. Good luck on your journey.
    VanGuy likes this.
  5. Welcome to the NoFap Community friend, good luck on your journey!
    VanGuy likes this.
  6. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Always be positive likes this.
  7. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Cool post, I read through most of the conversation but it says I can’t reply for lack of privileges?? … regardless I’m in a similar space with meditation and I would say not necessarily having to go Vegan, non dairy etc.. but that all forms of self control are really benificial.
    All of my last few relapses have been on a sugar high.. not eating sugar at all and then compulsively eating a box of tee vee snacks. (chocolate biscuits) One compulsion seems to help enable the other.. or at least weaken the resolve.

    The only other thing I would mention in regards to your post is that in my experiences with transcendental meditation the awesome high and the associated post meditation levels of energy, (which I’m sure you understand) was actually the catalyst for at least one relapse.. (possibly because it was an unexpected experience at that stage)

    The other thing is that with everything, (like nofap) it is quite intermidating to “give up” things you perceive to enjoy.. like porn, sugar and meat. It’s only post experience that you see the benifits.
    Meditation is so benificial but I can see how it could be seen as flaky or boring from anyone who has not experienced the reality. Same with sugar, it makes a very noticable difference in me.
    (in processing thoughts and also not feeling so up and down emotionally just way more clear... more in control)

    Anyway thankyou for the link I enjoyed it
    recon117 and Always be positive like this.
  8. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

    All youre getting rid of is 1% foods, there are 99% beautiful foods you can enjoy, compare people from the east who meditating and having that diet and people from the west who are fat and have 130 kilos and going mcdonalc every day, you will have much health benefits, second benefit is that your mind will be much clearer, ive been reading a lot about how that food disturbs meditation, you will raise awarenes, open third eye and being awakened, you dont want to be asleep like people on the west, however, i am not forcing anyting on anyone, do what you think its best for you

    Just join group Hindu Fapstronauts and you will be able to answer :)
    VanGuy likes this.
  9. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I’ve experienced that too. I imagine most have. That is the addicted mind trying telling you lies. PMO is a powerful enemy that is not to be underestimated. If you want to change I think it is best to consider the negatives of PMO addiction but also the positives of being free. In other words think/meditate about what PMO does to you (feelings of shame and guilt, makes you withdraw inward etc.) but also think about how you’ll be when you stop (open, engaged, happier, less nervous etc.). We are running from something but we need to run toward something else. We have to have see some good that is better (far better) than what PMO gives us.
    VanGuy likes this.
  10. I definitely know what you are talking about. I can't believe some of the stuff I would watch because the normal stuff wasn't doing it. Keep it up and you will get there. It's hard to resist. I also quit smoking but to stop fapping is so much more difficult.
    LavaMe and VanGuy like this.
  11. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Yep, I think you hit the nail on the head, I did make 22 days a while back and I know how different and good I felt, so I definitely have that positive comparison to want to attain again.

    I actually feel really different this time about it all.
    But saying that wholeheartedly agree about underestimating it. That seems to be the main mistake I’ve made So far, the “I got this beat”.
    It’s also a learning curve regards triggers and actually really unexpected triggers, you really have to learn what individually sets you back... I think that’s why I feel less confident in some ways and more in others.
    You learn obvious triggers and deal with them or set up processes but unexpected triggers still may exist that you haven’t learned from yet.. for example my 22 day streak ended because of a migraine headache!.
    (I hadn’t had Migraine since my teens)
    I could never have realised that.. but it was something I had done as kid in the past to take my mind off it.
    Add it to the list
    LavaMe likes this.
  12. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Cheers man, totally agree, I have been Vego for approximately 2 years and was really surprised how easy it is.
    I could easily see how food could disturb your meditation.
    Do you have any good links about that subject?
    Interestingly a lot of my current confidence is due to tightening up the diet, I may have been vego for a while but it can still include a lot of junk. Lately I’ve really prioritised healthier choices and feel heaps better..less fatty food and way less sugar.

    Ok thanks will do
    Always be positive likes this.
  13. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

    You dont want to get rid of meat with thinking "i dont want to get rid of it, but i will get rid of it against my will" you will become slave of it, whatever you forbide yourself it becomes very attractive, those are just examples:

    tell yourself you wont look out the window and after 1 hour you will have very big desire to look out the window, even if you know its nothing out there

    tell yourself you wont go somewhere you want to go and you will be first who will come there

    one tree was very attractive to adam and eve, even if they had whole heaven only that 1 tree was very attractive to them just becouse it was forbidden to them

    Thats how our human mind function, whenever you forbide yourself something it becomes very attractive, if you get rid of meat and sugar in that way "i forbide it to myself, even if i want it i forbide it to myself against my will" you will return to it and eat 100 times more, even if you wont you will think about it 24 hours a day, if you will get rid of meat in that way then dont

    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
    VanGuy likes this.
  14. Hey, welcome, I know exactly what you mean. It‘s a trap to think that just because some time passed by staying off the old habits, it‘s over and that all is under control or I deserve sth good now for having been able to master it, for proving that I can withhold. That‘s the ego calling, needing the substance.
    Great you noticed it. It took me some time until I could see through that thought-pattern. As soon as I thought like that I got careless, not paying attention anymore, getting lightheaded and zack! the trap snapped me.
    Good luck man. Your success is possible.

    VanGuy likes this.
  15. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Nice video,
    And I agree totally with your sentiments it’s like saying “don’t think of a green goat” and the first thing that pops in your head is of a course a green goat image.
    When I gave smoking the only way was not to give up at all, but just to choose that I didn’t want to do that anymore. No feeling of loss or missing out.
    Meat was easy for me because the choice came from a moment of compassion. I was on my way to buy dinner (chicken) and I found a duck on the road. A group of them had been squashed and one was uninjured but just sitting there. I turned around and went back picked it up and took it to a local pond.
    I certainly didn’t feel like eating it.
    The comparison with chicken was obvious so after that I didn’t want to eat meat anymore. It seemed to me that if I had to kill to eat meat I would choose not to, so why accept a dead animal just because it’s packaged?
    Always be positive likes this.
  16. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

    I read some books of Osho, you probabbly heard of him, i learnt there whenever you say you wont think about something you will think the most about it, forbide yourself something and you will want it the most, you are a great person and you deserve all best in life, good luck brother
    VanGuy likes this.
  17. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Thanks man, Yep I know Osho, I personally believe that beating PMO long term is all about a change in values.. much like looking at the duck made me see eating meat differently... porns not love, or even sex.. it doesn’t have any benefits.. I don’t want it anymore I certainly don’t need it.
    I only want things and people in my life that add value.

    The more you raise you consciousness through meditation and better choices and values the less valuable it can ever be.

    I’m sure we are both on the right track and I appreciate your replies and information.
    Good luck to you also
    Always be positive likes this.
  18. Hi @VanGuy, all the best to you! If you want to join 'The Matrix' challenge click here ---> 'The Matrix' <---
  19. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Thanks I’ll have a look✌️

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