Mandalorian Challenge 100 Days + [OPEN]

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Wolfyoufeed, Dec 26, 2019.

So you want to be a Mandalorian?

  1. “This is the Way”

    86 vote(s)
    98.9%
  2. “Hell no, paint a target on my back?”

    1 vote(s)
    1.1%
  1. Thank you Wolfyoufeed for accepting me into the clan. I must admit I'm a little concerned that we've got foundlings around when @Anakin66 is here, especially with the dark side avatar :p

    Day...4. This is confusing when I started already on day 23. Soon I'll just be doing the maths each time though.

    Good to meet you Anakin66. This is the way!

    Yep. I love them deep talks too haha.

    This is the way!
     
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  2. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    Lol. Younglings are they ones in real danger!
     
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  3. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    day 1 again

    sorry for the absence tho the chaser effect hit so bad, i relapsed 9 times i guess or more after the first relapse. which is crazy and damaging also. i cant make a new plan due to huge stress...i cant think straight


    my focus right know is defeating this chaser effect first by simplified my plan (which also inspired by Gonarth) to

    No youtube more than 1 hour :
    Exercise : I
    Assembling Model Kit : I
    Sleep Early :


    just like that
     
  4. Day 8.

    The last 12 hrs has been bad. Coming very close to relapse. In fact I've been tossing up whether or not to call it that, and I'm pretty embarassed to tell you about it. I wrote most of this post, and then finally remembered what started it! Last night I found a type of link on my hard drive to a porn file (not the actual content, just a type of link to a download). I thought I'd deleted everything nearly a year ago, but I'd missed these couple of "link" files. So I copied the text of the link and basically started testing the content filtering that I set up recently, and closing immediately if filter/blocker doesn't work, and then trying to block the offending sites etc. For a couple of HOURS last night, until 4am. Sometimes 20 minutes between seeing an image, sometimes 5 min. Sure, I closed immediately, but blockers will never be 100% effective, and plenty of "SFW" stuff still appeared and is still triggering, so I've absolutely been playing with fire. I never stopped to focus on one image, just kept moving as quickly as I could (as in, close the window). I'm glad to have the filtering (even though I can easily turn it off), but don't test it! Then I went to sleep feeling awful because I know how tempting seeing the occasional image is, and my secret intent for it to all fail and have a bogus excuse and maybe I would have gone for it? I went to sleep, had a nocturnal emission (no images that I recall, it just happened), and woke up again feeling really down again. Oh, and now that I remembered what started it, I have just double-checked that I had deleted the links (I had) and cleared the recycle bin. Gah! And in the process, found that the actual content had been downloaded by the background software at some point, definitely not deliberately initiated by me. Thankfully I have deleted the file without opening, cleared recycling bin, software history etc, so that I'm not reminded of it down the track.

    Anyways. I'm struggling with this girl situation I'm currently in. I was seeing someone until a couple of months ago, and she broke it off because after her dad and grandad passed away in November, and she was still heartbroken and felt that she was not in the right place for a relationship - she couldn't do her part of the relationship and thought that was unfair on me. She's probably right (it definitely is unfair, but I was happy to go with it - I just wanted to be there for her). Still, we talk every weekend for several hours, and occasionally once during the week too. I see the look in her eyes and hear it in her voice that she wants to be with me, but she wants to be in a place where it's more of a two-way street. It makes sense, I'm just finding it really hard being kept out of it. For a while I felt selfish for even thinking that with what she is going through, but after my shrink telling me many times that everyone would find it hard, I'm getting there. Plus wondering if she will even get there before I just can't handle it anymore and have to walk away completely. My shrink asks me how sustainable it is, and of course I don't know - it's sustainable until it's not! During the week it's a general melancholy except for short periods where I can really focus on something or enjoy being with a friend. Then we talk on the phone which is great, and then after a while, or after I get off the phone, it's like a switch flicks in my head and I just feel so dejected, disconnected, wishing I could be there for her, and having a little trantrum in my head about how unfair it all is. That's what happened late Saturday night as we were ending our phone call, and it was still around the next morning, and the melancholy came back in the evening, which certainly made me more vulnerable to last night's "I'll just make sure the filtering is working and fine tune it" episode. That feeling of being disconnected from someone special, of being alone, calls me back to porn's false promise of intimacy. That and stressing a bit about my studies - I've gotta make some serious progress this week. Also I hurt myself playing soccer a couple of weeks ago so haven't been able to exercise as I usually would - this is another thing that helps me to stay strong healthy physically and stronger wilfully. I'm healing up and can start resuming some of that now though.

    Well this is an hour well spent, I think (yep, it really took me that long...).




    Oh man, yeah the chaser effect is like a roadblock. Like a roadblock though, it's short, once you get past it. I hope your plan is helping.
     
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  5. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    Damn… are you feeling like you're living for those moments in some ways, which makes it mostly unbearable to support while you are away from her? Why does it hurt you that much? Are you ok? What is it that makes it impossible to overcome while you are away from the phone with her?

    Wish you the best in your battle and hope you'll be able to find peace in that conflict. Brace yourself: we are here for you. Stay strong man, I love you.
     
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  6. Mescalito

    Mescalito Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, and I'm back...

    I actually started introducing masturbation again around day 90 - like 60 days ago. Didn't watch porn at first but things escalated slowly but
    steadily and now I'm almost back to my former PMO routine. The long abstinence wasn't totally useless though, my libido is still pretty good, I'm still sticking to my workout routine, lost a lot of weight etc. - small victories - but I need to draw the line again before stuff gets really out of hand again.

    Why does one relapse after such a long time you may ask. It's because I may have changed on some cosmetical level but in the end my life is still the same boring yet exhausting, sad pile of shit it was before. Or more exactly I haven't managed to pull of real change for shit.
    I don't know how yet but I will keep trying.

    Day 0 (Shows the middle finger to all that crap)

    Edit:
    I'm also back on the PSMF-Diet from now on.
    Plus I need to really get off the screen in my free time, It's Netflix and Youtube almost all the time if I'm not working (or working out)
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2020
  7. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to read about it holly, hope it will get better soon. My father used to say something that helps me during difficult time and I think it might help you (and everyone else):

    "When you're feeling down like a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is happy AF and 1 is depressed), aim to recover to 3.1 instead of 10, then when 3.1 is good: try aiming to 3.2, 3.3, … to 4. Then 4 is alright? Why don't try 5 this time? Go to your own pace, you can't urge yourself to be 10/10 when you're feeling at a 3. Take it gradually and keep moving foward at a slow, but constant pace"
     
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  8. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    Welcome back to the crew @Mescalito, together we're stronger. Brace yourself: this is the way, comrade
     
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  9. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    The chaser effect is unbearable, I will try to make small steps like @Gonarth in order to reclaim control over PMO

    Day 0
     
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  10. Wow, thank you for your message @Unhommebinsoft, I appreciate it.

    Yep, I'm living for those moments of talking with her or just being with her. I ache for it. My shrink says that I need to stop putting my life on hold for her, which is absolutely true, and thankfully I'm doing that more. Why does it hurt so much? I'm being kept emotionally at arm's length, and have since nearly the beginning. When her dad's health went downhill quickly, I thought I'd be around a fair bit, but she hardly wanted to see me. I don't blame her - everyone deals with grief differently and that's okay. It's just that I've never before been kept so emotionally out, or had to work so hard for someone to trust me with their deep emotional stuff as I have in this relationship - especially for so many months. She challenges me too - about where my heart is at with God etc, which is good in the long term, but in the near term I'm inclined to exaggerate/extrapolate too much, thinking I'm not good enough for her etc.

    Heh, and I have three good friends (two of whom live with me) who started dating a matter of months before or after I did, and now they're engaged or about to be! I'm not normally jealous, but I think I am a bit, and it feels pretty "in my face" at times. Other than that, I've had a long break from work (by choice) and probably have too much time to think about this stuff :eek: I'm applying for work though, so when that starts I think it'll help. TAFE is stressing me out, so when I make progress on that I also feel better. I'm just very good at doing all the other unimportant things instead of assignments.

    Oh man, you've just reminded me of this great time management video from The Art of Manliness: Big Rocks in First - thank you!




    What's going on with you @Unhommebinsoft ? How's life? Are you struggling to get a streak going? Yep, that chaser effect...
     
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  11. Gonarth

    Gonarth Fapstronaut

    Hey! I feel you. I have also been struggling seriously the last few days but have managed to at least stay two days clear. I don't know what it is but for some reason, a lot of us are struggling lately. We need to gather some momentum. Small steps as you say. This is the way.
     
  12. Gonarth

    Gonarth Fapstronaut

    Day 2

    It's been 4 or so days since I checked in. I have been struggling with painful emotions and Saturday was by far the most painful so much so that I questioned why I am in existence. I remember telling myself that my life should just come to an end. But at the same time, I gained some kind of clarity and have been clean since then. I am now calm and the fog is beginning to lift. I have decided to narrow down my challenges and be more practical to my circumstances.

    Mindfulness Meditation: Day 0 of 5
    Reading the book Letting Go by David Hawkins: Page 51 of 217
    No Social Media: Day 0 of 5
    Reading material from Recovery Nation Workshop: Day 0 of 5
    No Using internet past 7 PM: Day 0 of 5
    Practice Relapse Prevention Plan 3 times a day: Day 0 of 5
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2020
  13. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    It's funny to read this (in a good way) because I relate in some ways. Everytime a woman come to my life, I feel like I MUST put my life on hold for her. Like I must sacrifice my time, my goals, my dreams for her… like my life is meaningless when I'm with her because it feels like I'm nothing in front of her, like I must deny myself for her…

    As I read your text, I want to propose questions to ask yourself: what are the reasons behind this hurt? What are you searching in this specific relation that you need and that makes your inner self at war? Those are kind of deep questions, but sometimes to address and to aknowledge them might give you the opportunity to clarify why there is a war inside you. The feeling of being left out of the situation sounds like it's painful, but why?

    Oh damn, jealousy is one heck of an emotion… and you're feeling like they are "inconsciously" reminding of what you don't have right now, in some way?

    What's your plan? How are you gonna get out of it?

    I think I'm getting things a little more together, but discipline is difficult. With my ex that I was talking last message, I started to notice what it is that makes me angry, what makes me happy in the relation… and I need to confront something about my demons in that relation, which makes it negative all the way. I'm still practicing guitare: it helps me relax and with learning new songs and perfecting them, I think I'm not wasting my time on facebook and those sites.

    Have you listened to Jordan Peterson? I recommand it so much to help you in this tougher time

    Hope it gets better, take care

    P-S: nice video about the rocks!
     
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  14. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    I like it man, small steps together let's do this: you can do this! I aim at 2 days now, strive for the 3rd now! :D
     
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  15. Wolfyoufeed

    Wolfyoufeed Fapstronaut

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    Nice to have you guys back with the Clan. Part of this whole thing is that... it’s a nice place to come clean and tell each other our struggles. We are all down about relapsing, we are all displease with ourselves from time to time.

    Let’s not stay stuck in the mud, let’s see how we can climb out and give it our best again. I too have be relapsing badly, I feel your pain @Mescalito & @hollyman . But @Gonarth shows us it’s not about never relapsing, although that will be nice one day, it’s more about getting back up, seeing where we screwed up and find a way to break the Dopamine cycle.

    This is the Way
     
  16. Wolfyoufeed

    Wolfyoufeed Fapstronaut

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    Day 0.... A new beginning!

    I have been letting myself go, going through all the excuses. Not anymore, I have to want that feeling of self control more than I want to be selfish. More than just letting life control me. No excuses.

    I’m back on the saddle and not going to let the horse throw me off. I’m not going to rely solely on myself but will pray every urge, reading those portions of scripture that help the most, and remind myself how I got my 142 day streak.

    Who’s with me? *seeks the urge monsters and slays them proactively*

    Time to make my mind over! I’m also going to do like I did before to boost the effects: Visualize myself winning, visualize the fight being easy, visualize the battle. I call it Quick-booting
     
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  17. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    look's like you really have a hard week. hang in there bro

    generally speaking and i remind myself too that whatever happened porn isnt the answer. just dont think to go to that path bro

    thank you for the kind word's, and yeah i guess i must learn to make a step and constant flow instead hard chase to 10 which just made me come back to 0
     
  18. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    day 2

    idk if this because of the relapse, the stressed that come with it, the lack of sleep or lack of physical exercise or all combined

    but i feel really,,,really weak like so weak im on constant dizzy, so sleepy at the day, hard to sleep at night

    but as @Unhommebinsoft said i accepting this condition and tried to gradually improve myself one step after one step...im sure this will pass

    almost we all have similar streaks right know, then lets fight together

    No youtube more than 1 hour :l
    Exercise : l
    Assembling Model Kit : ll
    Sleep Early :
     
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  19. Unhommebinsoft

    Unhommebinsoft Fapstronaut

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    *Screaming in union: HHOORRAAAYYYYY!!! Rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light*
     
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  20. Gonarth

    Gonarth Fapstronaut

    Day 3

    A very quiet and pensive day for me. No urges to speak of.

    Mindfulness Meditation: Day 1 of 5
    Reading the book Letting Go by David Hawkins: Page 55 of 217
    No Social Media: Day 1 of 5
    Reading material from Recovery Nation Workshop: Day 1 of 5
    No Using internet past 7 PM: Day 1 of 5
    Practice Relapse Prevention Plan 3 times a day: Day 1 of 5
     
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