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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Wolfyoufeed, Dec 26, 2019.
I choose Ocean Blue, to go with my Hokusai Wave insignia.
I think I see what your saying. Living our lives authentically will sometimes, if not inevitably, bring us into conflict with others. The thing is unless we live authentically we can never truly have 'friends'. We may have acquaintances sure, but such people won't be close to you for who you actually are, but the image you have choose to create of yourself.
I'm really struggling to get past the seven day mark at the moment. It seems strange that after 5 days, I PMO today - it was going so well, I was getting so much done today and spending good time with people. Then I hit a wall of exhaustion, and got emotional with a couple of things that just happened, and boom, my mind went straight to "stuff it, I don't care anymore I've just gotta feel good" (or, as @Wenceslaus935 said, "a desire to relax after the occurrence of a stressful event"). There are so many other things I can turn to when this happens. Bible & prayer, phone call, exercise, funny memes or a tv show. @Unhommebinsoft you've listed some good stuff in your post.
Anyways, am still feeling pretty down about it to be honest. Being on here though, it seems like everyone else in this thread is doing well! Some really interesting posts too, thanks team.
@hollyman You haven't posted on here for a while, how are you going?
This is a fairly straightforward and helpful list. Thank you
Caffeine has a similar effect on me - definitely increases the anxiety. I've dropped coffee in favour of tea at the moment.
I'm interested to hear what the reason could be that cold showers help? I've heard plenty of guys talk about it, but I haven't tried it for a year or so.
Lots of good stuff here. What's a "marathon program from A to Z"? It's great to hear what's working for you
Have started reading the article but am falling asleep at the moment - will continue later.
Sounds like "my porn use and other coping mechanisms were to keep me from being vulnerable and maybe being hurt by other people"?
Regarding success, I think that's exactly it. It's about being happy about what you do every day. For some people (a lot of people I think) that includes being there for others. It's so hard to be truly yourself with everyone though. It takes a lot of time and trust, and with the vast majority of people it won't get there, but honestly I think that's a healthy thing. Where do you draw the line though between being yourself, but "safe", with everyone, and how you need to be with your closest friends/family: truly vulnerable?
I really like reading your philosophy btw. It gets me thinking.
im strugle to get pass the first 7 days too, after my big relapse i seem i cant escape the first 7 cycle
idk most likely i will relapse tomorow but i do my best to get hold of it. sorry for not active like i used to be
"The thing is unless we live authentically we can never truly have 'friends'. We may have acquaintances sure, but such people won't be close to you for who you actually are, but the image you have choose to create of yourself."
Wow... that hit close, thanks a lot for your thought @Wenceslaus935
Day 143 check in.
I understand. It's so easy to fall into a rut once the streak is back to single digits. Motivation goes way down along with the sense of progress, and the chaser effect is there for the final kick.
I'm struggling to get past seven days too. It's only been ~14hrs since my last reset and I'm already feeling urges. Decided to jump on here first and review my journal - why I wanted to quit, some of my triggers etc. For now I just wanna get through today. I think that's the way to look at it at the start of a streak: one day at a time.
That thing about stuffing is so dangerous, because once you get into it: 3 days into it and it becomes an habit. Prepare yourself: it's a challenge to get out of that spiral. Do you continue meditation of breathing exercices? If you want to talk about it, I'm here!
To answer the question about the coping mechanism: I think that's what is called the Hedgehog Effect, like getting too close to someone is nearly unbearrable because I find new things about myself, which brings me out of the confort zone that I know about myself. It feels like people are taking their knife in my "vision" of myself and cut it open... it hurts, but god it's the thing that I need the most, to know myself, to know what are my boundaries! You need to confront yourself in this world to know your REAL limits, not the one that you're restraining yourself from getting at. Just like when you called the girl that you liked but was overwhelmed with everything in her life. For you, as I recall and I might be wrong, sorry about that if it is the case: but it was unbearrable to be something that you're not in that relationship, you needed to know what it was that was sincere in that relation, why she was keeping you appart in that situation even though you needed to hear her voice, to have her love you know?
In the same order of idea: That closeness is what is terrifying and porn was a temporary solution to mimic closeness with a person in intimacy and other activities are used in order to not getting too close to people, because it hurts! However, getting rid of people is not a better solution, because I'm loosing track of possible connections with people and loosing deeper meaning in these relation, connections which are the essence of living as a human being! --> Neon Genesis Evangelion is one heck of an anime that talks about that dilemma, so insane man
Btw: I really like the vision you have too!
In regard to: "Regarding success, I think that's exactly it. It's about being happy about what you do every day. For some people (a lot of people I think) that includes being there for others. It's so hard to be truly yourself with everyone though. It takes a lot of time and trust, and with the vast majority of people it won't get there, but honestly I think that's a healthy thing. Where do you draw the line though between being yourself, but "safe", with everyone, and how you need to be with your closest friends/family: truly vulnerable?",
I really appreciate your opinion and it brings a view about that obligation of getting close to people as being not that necessary, not as something you need to crave automatically for a person's own mental health and it is ok. I never saw that point of view in relationship, thanks for bringing that to the table: performance in itself isn't something authentic in relationships, because it is more often a source of anxiety and stress. And as our lives can already be stressful with everything around, why bothering being so stoked about performance with people? Life is already competitive as it is and it will always remain like that... but sometimes I can ask myself: why bothering so much about the figure that @Wenceslaus935 talked about if it's just to gain a prestige that is not fulfilling in the end?
YOU WON'T RELAPSE.
Well, that didn't work so well. Day 0.
I've just had a great night at a friend's place with him and his gf, with dinner, board games, and lots of talking. I'm not feeling so down about my reset now, but instead am ready and roaring to go again on a path to a better me, and better people around me too (because like it or not, my porn habit does actually affect those around me - it changes my mood, the way I relate to people etc). I won't believe the lies that porn tells.
I've never heard it called the hedgehog effect.
Neon Genesis Evangelion - never watched it! Should really do that, it's such a well known, acclaimed series, and it's now on Netflix here.
Your last paragraph - what do you mean by performance? I don't think I was talking about performance, but about the way that we all try to be someone acceptable (or even appropriate) based on the level of relationship that we have with someone. The deeper the relationship, the more authentic we can be - and while it's okay/necessary to not be 100% with everyone, the hard part is actually choosing to and getting to 100% with the closest people.
I really like the way @Wenceslaus935 wrote that. Yep, hard to live authentically. It takes a level of intentionality that rarely comes naturally.
I have just realized that I am not as conscious of other people's opinions as I used to be. I feel more comfortable in my skin and now don't have to spend so much time worrying about what I am going to wear or how people will perceive me. This is very liberating indeed!
the thing is i can hold up when it comes to normal day, but when weekend come, i cant hold it
yesterday relapse is such a non sense to me , i have no urge but still i seeing the porn
i would say that because stress that come from project that i working on at the weekend, so i come up with solution that i do my project at normal day's and exercise at the week end
i do some detox on mobile phone uses too, that i think contribute to procrastinating and wasted time
hope it works and lets see next week end
If you like anime, i recommand it
I see what you are talking about, like at which point someone has to be himself or acceptable with a friend or an acquaintance, depending on the profoundness of the relationship. Choosing with who to be close is a difficult choice, but it can reveal wonderful surprises and bonding that were not suspected in the first place I might have chosen the wrong word, not like performance, but more like what relations demands to be in order to respond to the needs of the other person, you see? And I think it depends on what we are seeking in relationships to fulfill our own needs and their needs too, even tho sometimes it is not healthy (like toxic relationships). That's why getting close, sometimes, can be harsh and if someone consider people as a sort of platform to "perform" (like me and others do), it is not healthy because people are attaching themselves to a facette of a person that is not vulnerable, and that's what I meant by "performing" with people... and I think it is the case for many people, considering what wired schemes of expectations might be constructed in people's brain in today's society. And that is a major problem in itself!!!! Is it clearer?
And fudge man: authenticity is a major step towards loving oneself and in loving others. A necessity. Thanks!
How is it going so far @EndPornLiveLife ? 3 days streak it's getting good!!
Nice @Gonarth , I'm happy that you've reached your freedom of thoughts, keep pushing mate! This is a good sign
What is it the project that you're working on? You talked about programming or coding if I recollect adequately?
I give you a challenge mate: try to do a bicycle ride for a good time to a place you never went before and talk to someone you don't know and try to see where it goes (6-foot distanciation and wear mask!). At the end of the discussion, write down how you felt and what you have gratitude about in that experience. You're in?
Day 0 again. I have been a very very moody so and so lately. More early responses and following basic steps (err, step awaaay from the computer if tempted) are needed to keep away from the dreaded PMO.
I'm not into anime, but also haven't given it a chance, so who knows?
Ahh yep, that's much clearer, thanks
no its my school project, like a final test that require so i can pass my school (sorry for the bad english lol)
i dont have a bicyle and tbh quite hate that, rather do a gym exercise rather than that... you know (we all hate cardio exercise) u can search it on gym meme tho
any sugestion for the challenge?
i do some digital detox and replace it with offline activity, idk if this works (lets see in the next few days)
but it do have a major impact especially on the mood thing's,,,
Day 0 :-(
Oh are you saying the digital detox is improving your mood?
im not master it yet, but i gotta say YES !!! absolutely...
here something extra benefit,,, if u do this even tho its small amount of digital detox then u will see a new different perspective..... im not gona say it tho, hehe