Marathon, Not a Sprint

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by BigCatTunski, Oct 7, 2019.

  1. BigCatTunski

    BigCatTunski Fapstronaut

    So I recently had sex with my ex-girlfriend (current friend with benefits, it’s complicated) and I ejaculated within the first minute. I waited until I could go again, only this time, it was within two minutes. The third time, the same thing happened, and by the fourth attempt, I had nothing left. She reached her orgasm by then, but I was gassed out.

    I wanted this to be an enjoyable experience for both of us, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of reaching a climax so fast. As a guy, it’s kinda embarrassing. So essentially, I tried to find ways to prevent premature ejaculation. And one of the methods is a dangerous one.

    One method is masturbating right before sex to last longer, but I fear that I may fall into my old habits again. Do I risk my wellness for a temporary high or do I endure a constant state of embarrassment? I’d love some perspective on this.
  2. JamesTheSquirrel

    JamesTheSquirrel Fapstronaut

    Hi BigCatTunski, I appreciate that you are in a difficult situation but I do think that there are ways around this without resorting to M. The last thing you want to do is start M again and end up going from premature to delayed or sending yourself spiralling back down into a pit of addiction.

    I think there are two ways of looking at this practically and psychologically.

    Practically you can do things like using condoms (or thicker condoms if you already do) and if it's that bad see a doctor - there are sprays and pills that can help delay things.

    On a psychological note, I think you need to stop focusing on your own enjoyment during sex. Sex shouldn't just be about the ejaculation at the end but about the intimacy between two people. A man has other means of pleasuring a woman than just his penis. Have you considered extending foreplay and really showing her that you care about her satisfaction over your own? Put your own needs secondary and just enjoy the whole experience.

    Whatever you do, please don't use this as an excuse to start M again!
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  3. bms1985

    bms1985 Fapstronaut

    100% agree with James - do not use this as an excuse to M.
    Before anything else I would give it time. The first few months after my PA gave up PM he had some Premature E issues. So we worked on intimacy more, it was great for both of us. Foreplay, general closeness etc before the PIV part. And during as well. He learnt that seeing my pleasure, being close to me, knowing he was giving that pleasure was just as enjoyable for him as well. It made him feel better, more confident etc as well that he was still "good enough" in his mind. (A big part of his P use was him feeling inadequate due to his past). As time has gone on, he has re-built his stamina through normal, fairly regular, healthy sex. Also, remember, P portrays these men with never ending erections, pounding away endlessly etc. Real sex is not like that. And us women don't expect, or in general want that either! Honestly, too much and it hurts! We want to feel close to you and loved. I believe its something like 1-5 minutes that is classed as normal, more than that is delayed. So relax, take your time on the build up, and be patient. You didn't get yourself into this mess with a few weeks of PM. So its going to take time to get out of it as well.
  4. BigCatTunski

    BigCatTunski Fapstronaut

    I appreciate this a lot, I know doing M again is a slippery slope, and I didn’t wanna go down that way again.

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