I am having a really hard time with something. Before I quit fapping 9 days ago, I made plans with my friends and invited them to my house today to smoke weed with me. I only smoke every couple weeks, and always at my house with friends. I don't get horny at all in the slightest when I smoke. Over the past couple days, after feeling really dull and depressed, sleepless, and other withdrawal symptoms, I started a journey of real self improvement. I started meditating, exercising, etc. Now I feel closer than ever to my friends, but half of me no longer wants to get high, as I feel it would ruin my self improvement. This has nothing to do with possible urges, possible relapsing or anything like that. I just want to stay grounded in reality. I told my friends this, and they told me to smoke with them anyways. I don't think they realize that I'm a different person now than I was even a few days ago. So my question is, should I smoke with them this time and see how I feel? Or should I call it off and be seen as a douche in my friends' eyes and in my own eyes?