Married, 29 years old, about to become a father

M

Mindmonk(y)

New Fapstronaut
Hi guys,

my story goes the following. I´ve been addicted to pornography for 16 years now and started by the age of 13. For the last 6 years my intention was to break this habit and liberate myself from it. Somewhat I had some success and made it to streaks of 97 days and less. Overall, I think I´ve spent more time sober this year than watching porn, which is great right.

This year my wife has become pregnant and she has been told about my addiction almost since the beginning of our mutual relationship. She has been very supportive, soothing and strict as she could. Also, she has been a huge help in disciplining me to become my best version without the sweet vices. Inherently, I would say we have different sexual energies and my sex drive is kind of high, which has led to some disputs in the past, but nothing we couldn´t resolve. Often rejections triggered relapse due to inadqueate handling of my emotions and energy.

My approach focused on overcoming porn addiction through therapy, porn blockers, sport, meditation and cold showers, books, which I´ve recognized as important tools for personal development in general.

TBH I´m feeling like I´ve reached point where my mindset hasn´t shifted yet to desire the transformation enough being completely free from porn, although I know it is bad for me. Any ideas, on the situation?
 
Mindmonk(y) said:
TBH I´m feeling like I´ve reached point where my mindset hasn´t shifted yet to desire the transformation enough
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Yeah so just my opinion but therapy can be helpful in this regard. You’re doing a lot of the right things! It sounds like what feels like it’s missing is this internal element, which is how we feel when we take away thing we use to deaden our feelings. That takes time and often takes support and faith.

Who we are in this moment is who we are when we want to distract ourselves with P. If you can sit with who you are and how you are right now you’ll have a better chance of facing all those insecurities when the temptation arises.

That’s obviously just my two cents. But im trying it right now and its pretty rewarding.
 
In a word. Intent.

Has your intent to be with your wife changed? That is to say have you adjusted your approach to her? Do you realize that you might be desensitized from porn and that it might have distorted your views on sex, your sexuality, and moreover relationships in general? So while you have stopped certain activities and rebooted. Congratulations! Have you rebooted your mind? And your intent on how you will love her and moreover how you will make love to her? Will it be with the same intent to get off as it is with porn? Will you apply the techniques you saw in porn to her and connect with her in that way?

Or will your main intent be to get closer to her? And perhaps rewrite the book on how you will be intimate with her? This is an opportunity to change your old stories and create a new fulfilling path.

I would suggest cuddling with her more. Just being with her, being present, see the beauty in her, be there for her, show her your love. She is the mother of your future child and deserves your respect and support. In her stomach is a miracle YOU created with her. How awesome is that?!
 
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