Married and never ejaculated during sex! What does my wife I think? I JUST WANTED TO DIE! (My story)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by DudeWithHope, Aug 7, 2019.

  1. DudeWithHope

    DudeWithHope Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone!

    I've been trying to fall a sleep for over 5 hours now. I decided to go on my phone and found this forum. Thought about reading more and opening an account tomorrow but decided to share my story now.

    I was introduced to real porn when I was around 12 by my dad. I masturbated and never stopped till I got married.

    I was so sad! Still am! What does my wife think? Every time we have sex, I have to pull away and masturbate like a freaking idiot! We've been married for a little over 5 months and she's pregnant becuase I always ejaculate inside but it sucks !

    I feel so frustrated! I have the worst DE ever! Is it just me? Sometimes it takes like 30 minutes of my just trying to masturbate while laying in bed, afraid and hiding behind my wife. Shes my first sexual partner and I CANT EVEN HAVE REAL SEX! it's so disappointing! I wish I could climax with intercourse!

    What must I do?

    My wife is a blessing in my life! The most patient woman ever! Gorgeous, attractive, loving and I am so happy a baby is on the way but every time I go for sex, I already know I will have to face masturbation! I feel so ashamed and embarrassed and told my wife I indeed have DE but I have learned more that it is due to my experience with porn and M.

    I've been reading and every one talks about these long challenges with NoFap but how can I do it?

    I am so happy my wife reaches orgasm naturally with just my body and not intercourse, but I have to jerk off like an idiot!

    At the beginning of my marriage I literally asked God to kill me and take me to heaven! My wife was not worthy of going through all that she was going through because of me! She had never seen porn all her life, and there was I completely dysfunctional. Sometimes I would drag her for hours to try to reach an orgasm through oral sex and intercourse but nothing ever happened. I just wanted to die so she could have peace about marrying another man that was normal.

    Since I'm still alive thanks to Our good Lord(crying) I feel like there is hope after finding this forum. I just want a normal sex life.

    During sex, I do have sensations and feelings but not enough to ejaculate. I feel like I want to O so BADDDDD but I have to pull it out and masturbate!

    Tomorrow I'm scheduling an appointment with an urologist to get some help and talk to someone about it.

    I know I will have to tell my wife the real reason as to why I cant O so she can help me with my journey.

    I know God is with me and led me to find this forum. I will share my story with you guys, and my journey as well!

    Love you all and praying for you all! I've just found this forum a couple of hours ago but I already feel like great thing will happen here! You guys are my new family!

    God bless!
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
  2. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button|Day Counter | Rebooting Resources|Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
    DudeWithHope and Leader of ME like this.
  3. Hey, I read your post and all I can say right now is you have all my empathy, and it was a step into the right direction to come here, to share, talk, get and give support. No one should be alone in this, and yes great things will happen for you if you trust yourself and foremost your necessity for real change is not a flash in the pan. It is going to be a rough ride so fasten your seat belt and stay determined to reach the stars. You‘re worth it. And soon you‘ll be a wonderful father too. Congratulations to both of you.
  4. DudeWithHope

    DudeWithHope Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your kind words my friend!
    Coffee Candy and kammaSati like this.
  5. Hey, welcome to the forum! nice to have you alongside us fighting the good fight! : )
    I strongly advise you to be active on your profile; start by choosing an avatar and then make daily posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you
    You should also highly consider creating a public journal (in the appropriate sectionfor you ) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along on your journey!

    ★ People love to communicate in the profiles section and also the journal section. We need more supportive people though, we could always use your help and in return receive some as well!

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
    DudeWithHope and Strongman 125 like this.
  6. DudeWithHope

    DudeWithHope Fapstronaut

    thank you my friend! Going to work on my profile right now! :)
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  7. Great! : )
    DudeWithHope likes this.
  8. Dude... I do believe that avoiding masturbation will eventually allow you to return to normal sexual function with your wife, but it will take a very long time...don't give up hope! Believe that things will improve, pray for things to improve, and take it one day at a time. If your wife already knows this is a big issue for you, she will help you avoid MO so that recovery can be possible. Praying for your success. Congratulations on the baby!!
  9. DudeWithHope

    DudeWithHope Fapstronaut


    Thank you so much brother! Yes, I don't know how many days or how exactly i'll be doing this but I've totally already stopped trying to reach climax using my own hands/grip. I still have sex but do not reach climax. I FEEL a CRAZY urge to simply start using the grip like crazy to reach climax but I'm still waiting. I'll also be going to the doctor in about a week and a half. What's the link to your story?
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  10. hairlesschewbacca

    hairlesschewbacca Fapstronaut

    First of all welcome brother. I myself have had suicidal feelings as a result of PMO addiction. You are lucky to have someone in your life that truly loves you in your wife.

    That being said your road to recovery comes at a very convenient time as you mentioned your wife is pregnant. I highly recommend the 90 day reboot right now. By the time she gives birth it’s certainly possible you could be healed.

    Here is how I did it using WEST.

    Workout-weights/cardio/hot yoga
    Eat well-fruits veg meat lower sugar
    Sleep well-sleep 7-8 a day
    Take cold showers

    This will help increase your willpower and keep you on the path to quitting. You can’t take this lightly and I hope you have already begun your nofap journey. Also be weary of the flatline coming.

    Best of luck brother!
    Coffee Candy and DudeWithHope like this.
  11. DudeWithHope

    DudeWithHope Fapstronaut

    thank you! I am indeed happy to read that things are going well for you as well!

    I am blessed to not have an addiction to pornography but I used to watch it a lot I was younger and even though I have no addiction I frequently went to it when I was single for all my life as a single man till i was 32 and married. After I started dating and got engaged the frequency became lower and lower and I had imagined that I would NEVER EVER see porn or PMO after getting married.

    But with all the issues with my DE and other stressful factors such as the urge for a GOOD CLIMAX, it resulted in me doing it twice since I got married. There were several other days when i briefly looked at it but there were two days when I actually did PMO.

    One day I did PMO once, and another occasion I did PMO twice. I pray and know it will not happen again and will continue to be vigilant about it and watchful. I felt like garbage after doing it. The last time I PMO was probably around 3 to 4 months ago and really dont have any desire for porn but M is indeed something I do to reach climax with my wife and I hate the fact that I am not able to climax without M.

    Your 90 day reboot plan sounds PERFECT now that she is pregnant.

    I have started trying to have sex without M already and have created a journal log here:

    Thank you so very much for all the advice man! God bless!
  12. DudeWithHope

    DudeWithHope Fapstronaut

    Crazy to think that so much has happened since I posted this. For the past few months I've been able to have intercourse with my wife and reach O. I've come to the realization that the problem was not actually mostly related to P but mostly to my inexperience with S. But things we also only possible because I stopped with PMO. That made all the difference! We're both much happier than when we got married close to an year ago! thank you all for everything! God is good!
    Marshall 5 likes this.

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