Married and NoFap Changed Everything

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Haplymareed, Jan 12, 2020.

  1. Haplymareed

    Haplymareed Fapstronaut

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    My story is a pretty simple one. I was happily married, and learned about NoFap browsing sites about how to improve my sex life. For me, things were pretty good. My communication with my spouse was good but it could have been better and sex was so so. Here is what I didn’t like and what changed.

    1. Sex was happening about once maybe twice a month. I was under the mindset of “Use it or lose it” and had communicated that to my wife. So we were to the point that we could comfortably masturbate in front of each other. We were also open to each other that when apart we would take care of ourselves. I travel a LOT. Every week for that matter. So I would take care of business, probably 4 times a week. She would take care of business an undisclosed number of times....she claimed “Once in a while”.

    2. She was not instigating sex enough and we went to a sex therapist who was surprised when she started working with us as we were not really having any problems. Our problems were minor. So after 20 sessions or so, she taught us to communicate openly and a host of other things. She taught my wife how to be open about things and how she should try things. She also taught us a “GAME CHANGER” for our relationship. We each take a week, mine is every even numbered Monday. So if its the 2nd on a Monday, its my week. If it’s the 3rd on Monday, it is her week and so one. Each week, the person who is in charge, has to plan things to do, has to instigate physical activity and the other can’t complain or basically needs to go with it. All of this within reason and within her comfort zone. So now the instigation problem went away. At least every other week, things were going to happen. The result was amazing and my wife began having fun with HER week.

    3. Sometimes I would find my self not able to perform. I didn’t know why but soon learned after I discovered NoFap.

    4. Oral sex with my spouse was just ok. Not something she liked. But she would do.

    So here is where NoFap changed everything.

    I am now 1.5 years in. No Porn and NoFap’ing alone.
    I only wait for my wife and can honestly say, after experiencing NoFap, about 1 month in. She became massively attractive to me. Other women, normal women....the kind you see in the airport, became attractive to me. I can’t begin to tell you how cool that was. Being able to appreciate even the most basic things that come with women....basic stuff like how they walk, or smile. Different sizes of women, became attractive. I think conversations changed for me as different aspects became attractive to me.

    Bottom line - My wife is a massive attraction to me. Period. And that changed everything.

    Fast forward,
    With Fap out of my life, my ability to perform sky rocketed. My desire to please her sky rocketed, my creativity - same.

    The best part....I now have a spouse that gives an amazing blow job and she knows it. Quess what - Blowjobs every week! I mean to climax!!

    She is confident in bed and that changed everything.
    I won’t go back to the way things were.
    Happily Married and doing great.
    Happy to help anyone with comments.

    Haplymareed
     
  2. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations, great to hear the benefits you have experienced. I've found the same thing with my wife i. e. finding her much more attractive and much improved sex life.

    I've also noticed the same thing with regards attraction to other women. However I never state or ogle them, and I've found a lot of benefits in doing so.
     
  3. JamesChin

    JamesChin Fapstronaut

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    Well done bro
     
    Haplymareed likes this.
  4. Haplymareed

    Haplymareed Fapstronaut

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    Yea I agree. No reason to ogle....its just surprising on the things that are noticeable. It’s nice to observe things in a different way. The longer I went the more noticeable things were. Surprising and good at the same time. My Energy level is really high. Clarity is improved, so that’s good.
     
    Meep likes this.
  5. Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    I have a few questions. I am 2 years divorced and have had an exclusive relationship with a woman I love for the last year. I have used porn to masturbate for years, but not regularly. I have PIED to some degree as I learned when my girlfriend and I started being intimate last year.

    I have decided to give up PMO altogether as I was using porn on my phone as a motivator to get myself as revved up as possible. Edging was my strategy of choice, saving the release for her. I also began using ED meds to try to improve performance. To my great surprise, I could get harder alone masturbating to porn than I could with her on ED meds.

    Just over a week in of no porn and no masturbation, I am having difficulty getting hard enough for intercourse which I haven’t experienced with her in a long time. It is devastating, especially for her.

    When did you turn the corner where you saw the benefits, and has it always been steady progress since? I couldn’t ask for a better woman and I don’t want to lose her over this—I want to make our experiences and our relationship better. This is causing things to unravel at the moment.
     
  6. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

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    That is probably a flatline it is a withdrawal symptom
     
  7. Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    I understand that, but how long could it last? I have had sex to orgasm twice in this 8 day period, but I am seeing declining erection quality which is something new.
     
  8. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

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    very similar in my case.
    from 2 times a month sex to 4 times a week. this is D33 no PM.

    but blowjobs went from many to none. I expect this is because we enjoy more wild sex now, no foreplay or afterplay
     
  9. happy camper

    happy camper Fapstronaut

    You are flatlining. The time for healing varies, everyone's body is different and it really comes down to your degree of dependency on P. Sometimes it's best to abstain from all sexual contact for some time while your body heals and you shall reap the benefits of being harder when intimate without any meds. It can take anywhere between 21-66 days to fully recover from a flatline (in my experience). Exercise also helps. Just remember to be patient with yourself and maybe try to explain to your SO that you need some time to recover fully. Hopefully she understands.
     
    Galaxian21 likes this.
  10. thelitfit1

    thelitfit1 Fapstronaut

    Congrats on your success! As a single man who has been in relationships in the past, I can appreciate your story. I liked the NoFap part of course, but I also liked that you guys saw a therapist together. Sounds like a healthy, open-minded relationship.
     
  11. Thank you for your story. I'm single at the moment but I want to prepare as well as I can for my future girlfriend and then, wife.
     
    helloo1221 likes this.
  12. Haplymareed

    Haplymareed Fapstronaut

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    For me, I eliminated everything. I stopped what I was doing cold turkey. I was also experiencing weak erection and having trouble performing. It still happens. but I will explain that. Like you, I am lucky and know that I am going to have sex, so quitting cold turkey was worth trying. It worked. At first it wasn’t so noticeable but after about 2 months, things just got more clear and better. Pretty soon, all I could think about (Sexually that is) was my wife. I would tell her and tease her and make plans based on who’s week it was to do things. We started having fun. Almost like when we first started dating. So back to your questions.
    When we get together, if it has been a few days, I have no trouble with my erection. But if we had sex last night, sometimes it would happen. My challenge is that I drink wine and we drink wine together. I notice a direct correlation to the amount of drinking and the quality of my erection. So if you are doing that, think about slowing down or waiting till after to have a couple cocktails. Also, when we have that problem, then she will just help me masturbate myself or she will do it. Basically it’s ok. Just make it happen. For both, for that matter. I think the key, in a relationship, is to drop it all and try it. You will be amazed at the attention you will give your mate.
     
    Galaxian21 likes this.
  13. Haplymareed

    Haplymareed Fapstronaut

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    The therapist really helped, we also did it virtually on Skype. It changed everything because she taught us how to be open with each other and talk about stuff. That was hard, really hard for my wife. Slowly we got over it and opened up to each other. They key though was switching weeks. She had to initiate, which is every guys complaint. The confidence level for her increased and pretty soon, I told her about NoFap and let her know that I was no longer on the idea of “Use it or lose it” Basically we were open about M. Now, I only do it in front of her or she does it for me. Done deal!!
     
    Galaxian21 likes this.
  14. Haplymareed

    Haplymareed Fapstronaut

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    My brother is single and he is sort of stuck, he won’t put himself out there. I introduced him to NoFap but he isn’t interested in looking at anything. I just keep encouraging him to ask someone out. there are so many girls out there looking for someone. Guys are afraid to ask. NoFap will make you bold :) Good luck in finding someone to be with.
     
    helloo1221 and Tommy1235 like this.

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