Married for a year and unhappy

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by BluesJamz_90, Jan 9, 2020.

  1. BluesJamz_90

    BluesJamz_90 Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone . I have just turned 30 . I got married last December ‘18 and the journey hasn’t been so pleasant . My apologies if the post is long , but since last year, life has been hell mostly .

    My last post here was a month before my wedding and it was about my lack of sexual attraction towards my wife which I thought was due to excessive porn use and was hoping for it to improve after marriage. I also had some issue with her being a little overweight , but It wasn’t so much and I believed we could work that out together when we motivate each other for staying healthy and fit . I was just blindly in love ,everything about her seemed positive , we got along great that we didn’t give too much light to the sex part , thinking it would get better . I also mentioned in my last post that all attempts at intercourse were failed before marriage.

    Many people here advised me not to get married , but i went ahead and did it anyway knowing about the problem.

    It’s just that the date for the wedding was set and both our families’ attention was completely on making the wedding happen , that we had no time to resolve our issues. We only saw the positives in each other and went ahead and just got married thinking we will be perfect together.

    Let me also say that she knew about my past porn addiction. We also went to a psychiatrist few days before the wedding ,told him about my PIED and was prescribed some medication too to help with sexual desire. I stopped watching P and followed the course for 3 months , and I did see some physical changes . I could be erect for a long time , but mentally I was still struggling with the real desire to please my wife . We did have a lot of sex in the honeymoon but it felt like I was a mechanical machine and I was able to please her after the meds take effect, but still I felt unsatisfied as I couldn’t orgasm .Sometimes when I actually had an O, I had to think of porn stars or porn scenes while doing it.
    It was only in the first 2 months that I felt high sexual attraction and desire for my wife , with or without the meds.

    As time has passed , sex has been very occasional, just once in 2 months and even in that time , I haven’t O’d once. There is a huge mismatch in our sex drives . Many times she has initiated , and I have turned her down giving some excuse and I was still watching porn behind her back.
    Also, whenever we have had it , I have only been comfortable with 69 position and my pumping has been very slow . When she has come on top of me , my erection has died as I don’t like that position much and her weight is a bit much for me sometimes.

    I also haven’t given up on Porn and I can still MO whenever i watch it , and this seems to be my only source of sexual release.

    Also, about fitness and weight , I try to make conscious efforts to control my diet and weight whenever it feels like my eating habits get out of control. But After marriage , She has made no serious efforts to control her weight and eating habits. She doesn’t join the gym , only says she’ll walk or jog but never gets to it. People have also started to take notice and have indirectly mocked her about her weight,even her family members . She says the gain is a hormonal problem and she was using some meds which caused it. I have always been supportive towards her for taking her to a doctor or fitness, but how much can I be when she doesn’t take any initiative. I still feel I would really be more attracted to her If she loses weight, as she did used to look quite attractive when I first met her.

    We also have been arguing and having many misunderstandings and fights related to general issues even other than sex. It has started to feel like we are completely opposite people and don’t share much common interests too.
    She’s not a bad person and tries to do everything what a good wife does like taking care of the house, make food for me etc . but she’s also very moody . When she gets upset , she would shout at me, pin point my mistakes and other times she would be really innocent and act like a little kid and tries to sort things between us.

    I have started to feel more unhappy when I’m alone or even with her at times. I think a lot of our issues , the marriage seems too much for me to handle and it feels like I wasn’t ready for all this or to get married to anyone. I underestimated myself and thought I could never get a woman like my wife , and got married as I was afraid to lose her or be alone for life. I regret a lot now being married. I see many single friends of mine taking time to get married , and they are really happy.

    Let me also say that a couple of months ago, I got a little drunk and slept with a prostitute on a business trip . I did feel sick, empty and guilty after doing it , but it was only once and haven’t slept with anyone other than my wife since.
    A very strange thing is that when I got back home after the trip , our sex life improved only for a brief amount of time , but things kept going downhill from there.

    I just don’t understand myself anymore .My personality has become very confusing and bitter. I don’t know what I’m doing staying married with so many issues between us . I feel like I don’t deserve her or anyone .She was the only woman I had ever dated and that led straight to marriage . I was completely in love with her before the marriage. I don’t know where all that went. Now it feels we are only living with each other out of attachment, We have been used to seeing each other everyday, so its just affection keeping us together , even if we don’t have a satisfying sex life together.

    I find it very hard seeing a future when all this is going on .My father is the only one who is still financially supporting us . I can’t afford to support me and my wife on my own yet . What comes next here ? Kids ?
    ...... I just don't understand how any future is possible when we are going through these many problems on our own .
    Homelander and OlderMM like this.
  2. deez3r

    deez3r Fapstronaut

    You shouldn't have gotten married. You knew beforehand of all these issues that will happen but you went through with it anyway just because you were scared of being alone, but wouldn't being alone have been better than getting married and taking on responsibilities you can't handle? You said you can't even financially support you and your wife yet, and I'm just so confused why you went through with it, that is the biggest factor when deciding to get married and you shouldn't have gotten married if you're still relying on the financial support of your father, I thought that was common sense among everyone. And you cheated on her too just because you're not attracted to her. You ignored every single red flag that this marriage won't work but you still did it. Your life is a mess, dude. And regarding the sex between you and your wife, I can clearly tell you're not attracted to her because of her weight and you wished she looked like a porn star. If it isn't too much legal and financial trouble I would honestly advise you to get divorced, because it's only going to get worse. You're not attracted to her, you cheated on her, and you can't financially support the marriage, you have literally no reason to stay married. If you can't get divorced for some reason, then talk to your wife about all this and figure out a way to: 1) financially support yourself and your wife, get a second job, ask for a raise, etc. 2) talk to her gently about how you're not attracted to her that much and suggest going to the gym together, and 3) go to marriage/couple counseling to sort out your other issues. But to be honest, it doesn't seem like you are attracted to her at all and you're only doing this for the sake of not being alone, so even if she lost weight, I don't think you will start being attracted to her, which is why I would actually suggest getting divorced and not trying to fix this. Attraction isn't just about how a person looks but also how a person makes you feel, and it doesn't seem like you are attracted to any part of her, not even her personality.
  3. GreenSwampGuy

    GreenSwampGuy Fapstronaut

    I agree with deez3r here but I would also like to add one thing:


    Honestly, you’ve been married for barely more than a year and your marriage is a trainwreck. Bringing children to this sort of environment is straight up immoral and, when you decide to break thing off (because it’s in your mutual interests to do so), it will make things so much harder than they already are.

    Also, look at this subreddit please:
    This will be your future if you stay with her.

    Also, while porn can definitely be detrimental to personal health not every issue is caused by it. Many men are not attracted to overweight women so your situation is not unusual. However, you are responsible for it as you’ve decided to ignore your lack of attraction and sex problems. Hopefully you’ve learnt from this and next time you won’t repeat the same mistake.
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2020
    Booksandtrees, Homelander and deez3r like this.
  4. I think you should start a psychotherapy to sort out what's going on inside of you.

    Until you get your shit straight, I agree with the two other guys: don't have children. You don't want them to grow up in a dysfunctional family (that's what happened to me and I'm carrying a big load of problems).
  5. maximusthegreat

    maximusthegreat Fapstronaut

    From what I have read I anticipated that you are too obsessed with the atractiveness and sex side of your relationship. Yes, It is a shame when your girl is not in a perfect shape and you do not have the perfect sex but it is not thr only factor of quality of relationship. And if you align other things these might follow (and might not, you have to be at peace with both options, thats what not addicted means) From this it can be clearly seen that you are in the right place on this forum as you are clearly addicted to sex, porn, arousal etc... I would suggest instead of focusing constantly on your wife - how you are not attracted, how you two are fighting - focus all your attention on yourself. Focus on how you mess up stuff, focus on how you escape from emotional pain, identify your emotional pain, find your purpose and try to be more masculine for example by beating your addicion to pmo when you suffer from your emotional pain (from “bad marriage”). I am talking my own experience. You dont need to divorce instanteneously, you just need to switch your interest. And even, if you do divorce, you need to switch it. Otherwise you end up in similar relationship because of your fears and insecurities - looking like honeymoon at first and transforming into nightmare some months after. It like a game: you do not defeat the boss, you wont get to another level. Right now your boss is your fear of not being complete yourself, fear of loneliness and the habit of escaping from these fears through pmo.
  6. BluesJamz_90

    BluesJamz_90 Fapstronaut

    I can understand that most people would give divorce as the main solution for my problem, but what do I do with my attachment and love for her. It's also not going to be easy on anyone as families will break.
    My father blindly supports financially for everything, even when I don't want or expect him too. That's who he is. Even for the wedding, I would have been ok with a simple wedding ,but he wanted to spend a bomb on everything and I had no control over any of it. Right now, my source of income is just a small export business, which will take at least 2 years to break even and grow from there , but my Dad is supporting us till then.

    Also, I live in India. The parents of the bride and groom get involved in deciding everything about the wedding ,like the date and how it's going to happen. It was my parents' plan for a long time to get me married much before I turned 30. My wife's parents also had the same mentality of seeing their daughter being married before that age as according to them, it gets hard to find a partner later. So when they knew about our relationship of just 3 months, there was pressure from both parents side, more from her parents to get married. I really wanted to wait at least 2 years, but according to both our parents , they had already fixed a date in December 18 after visiting all the astrologers. I literally had to change all my thought process to be ready for the wedding, I was damn confused myself and couldn't believe how everything was happening so fast and we had a courtship of only 6 months before December. I wanted to know her more before deciding on going ahead with it, but seeing her level of excitement and commitment towards me over spending the rest of the life with me kind of changed me and messed with my thinking. She as a woman i can understand it was a dream come true for her, the wedding. I just started to believe no woman in the world would ever love me like that. So even though i knew i wasn't that full blown sexually attracted to her then, I just compromised and made some adjustments to make everything work and only wished for the best.

    About my sexual attraction towards her, right now i know it's not that much, but i'm really willing to be patient , help her and see her progress in fitness . A long time back, when i didn't know her, she had lost a lot of weight before and transformed herself. I want to believe that it can happen again and definitely re-spark our sex life. I did feel strong sexual attraction before.
    I really love her a lot in other ways though . We have some good and some worse days. But when it's good between us and we are getting along by just being friendly and cuddling etc, I do feel like i want to be with her even without regular sex, but i hope the sex becomes better in the near future . She 's quite kind and caring as a person , so i do admire her personality.It's just the sex part , I'm just the kind who needs to see some stuff in a particular way to really enjoy it.
    About the cheating, it was more out of curiosity than actually enjoying it or wanting that experience again. Even if I start an affair with a very attractive girl, I don't know if I can get the same level of emotional attachment like i have with my wife

    So right now, I'm very confused. Some days I wish I wasn't married and everything was easier , and some days it feels we are inseparable and Love is still there .
  7. deez3r

    deez3r Fapstronaut

    I had the feeling you were from an Indian background based on what you described in your first post. I used to live in Canada and had some Indian friends so I have some basic knowledge of the culture. If you're Indian and living in India then yeah your life is pretty much over since the parents decide everything and nothing is actually in your control, even when you're 30. Well then, I don't know what more I can tell you besides good luck trying to sort everything out. At the very least don't have children yet until you can support your marriage by yourself. I do want to point out one thing though, even if both your parents rushed you into this marriage, you should try harder to love your wife for who she is and maybe not be so harsh towards her and her appearance. Also, saying that you only want to see her in a particular way to enjoy yourself is not only selfish but also sexist. Sex isn't supposed to be everything in a relationship and you should try to enjoy everything about her. You already have a wife because of your circumstances, there are people on this website who have never had a girlfriend, you should be more grateful for your situation, even if you don't like it, and not be upset that you can't have sex in a certain way. Also, if you crave sex in a certain way then that tells me you have unrealistic standards for sex because of porn and you should stop watching it, it's literally the most unrealistic depiction of sex and not every woman can be that way, in fact most women can't be that way. Based on what I've read porn stars are told what to do by directors, there's like a whole crew behind them deciding what happens, when it happens, and how it happens. Expecting porn-like sex in real life is just silly, you can't and shouldn't expect your wife to be or act like a porn star. Not only is that incredibly unfair to her but it's also an extremely misogynistic way of thinking towards your wife.
    Homelander and Nevile like this.
  8. BluesJamz_90

    BluesJamz_90 Fapstronaut

    Ignoring my lack of attraction has become normal now . I don’t seem to do anything about it as porn gives me that temporary pleasure even though it’s not really satisfying. I just can’t understand how am I really in love with a person I’m not that sexually attracted to and she stays with me despite this lack of connection .
    Before this relationship , I was never in any relationship , serious or casual. I was always rejected by girls I found really attractive .Maybe my approach wasn’t right , but it really shook my confidence a lot and I ended up a real loner , alone , socially awkward , not making any efforts to meet real girls and drown myself with booze and weed to make me feel better.

    I totally blame myself for this mess of a situation I’m in . I met a girl , started a relationship and wanted to know her more before being sure of committing to life . My bad luck is that all the forces led it to marriage so quickly, and I felt helpless at the time.
    I have been single all my life , and it was much peaceful life and I dream of being happy like that again .
    It’s also my naivety of being so overwhelmed in the relationship that like a total idiot I just closed all doors and didn’t even deal with my past feelings of rejection or even try to at least date other girls .
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
  9. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

    Married and dated to only 1 girl also. Had thoughts and struggle similar to yours. The answer is simple.

    Don't try to change her but change urself. I know it is like a hard to swallow pill and seems like ignoring your desire but it's not. It is call effort and work on your relationship. I mean how easy it would be if all hot girls are ur sex slaves and what so ever. You are married to ur wife and u r accountable to each other. Baby step remedy. Write one good thing about her everyday. Later on add more on how to make this more about you 2 instead of thinking for urself only. Be thankful on what u have instead of seeking more. The more u think y can't u have that the sicker u get. Try to cut down on porn. Enjoy sex with her by not having expectation. Do not be a snob and think about other hot girls. Focus on what is good and go from there. Not everything is visual.
    When u change urself, I assure u will see ur wife change too. Ur partner acts like your mirror sometimes but u gotta be positive and work on urself. U fk up and now u need be a man and fix it. Once again, I know the struggle and it's not easy. Ups and downs are part of the marriage. Thaz what make it special as it is shared by you two only.
    Good luck. But don't forget to own up on cheating on her, you have to face ur mistake eventually.
    Indurian and Roady like this.
  10. Metal_Bat

    Metal_Bat Fapstronaut

    Sorry for bad english.
    I have same situation with you. I am Married and have a son. My sexlife ia not as hot as the first quarter of our marriage. I've been married for 3 years now. Just dont stop trying to quit porn. My attempts are not always a succes. My best is only 20 days. But I keep trying. Just follow some suggestions in this site to prevent you watch porn. Try to stop watching for 3 days, your sex will feel better with your wife. Just keep trying. Dont give up.
  11. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

    The grass is always greener. I can understand where you get the above viewpoint but it's often an illusion that others are blissfully happy.

    I hope you and your wife can be happy. I went through something similar to what you are and I can say 100% that giving up porn helped the situation. By doing so you are taking responsibility. If you give up for a long period of time and things with your wife still don't improve then at least you will know you tried. I would add that giving up ogling other women and lusting also made a massive difference.

    Best of luck my friend
  12. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

    Great post. Very helpful and pragmatic.
  13. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    This whole thing is your fault. I am not judging you, because you were horribly naive and your family unfairly pushed you; so, I want you to learn from it and take responsibility!

    Starting here:
    Stop it!
    Stop it!

    PMO (porn, masturbation and orgasm) will make things worse…
    and worse…
    and worse…
    After your divorce, which is inevitable, you will descend into the pits of living hell with a severe PMO addiction that will destroy your life.

    The ONLY way in which you can start to find your wife attractive is to have her be your ONLY source of sexual gratification.

    You CANNOT use porn.
    You CANNOT masturbate.
    You CANNOT use prostitutes.
    You CANNOT use your imagination.

    You have to start your 90-day reboot.
    Not later.

    Tell your wife that you are sick of using the doctor's tablets…
    That you you are COMMITTED to making your sex good again…
    That you will DO WHAT IT TAKES to make it work…

    And that you have been advised to take a full 90 days with ZERO sexual activity.
    That's called a 90-day hard reboot.
    If your wife cannot wait that long, get her a vibrator, but tell her that she must not use it in front of you during your 90-day reboot.
    (Side note: After you have completed your 90-day reboot, you can use the vibrator to help your wife get off, especially if you still suffer from erection problems. You might need to continue with a soft reboot for a while after your 90-day reboot.)

    Today — seriously, today — get a piece of paper, and write down all the POSITIVES of doing a 90-day reboot, one per line. Write them down as goals; here are some examples:
    • I feel sexual attraction to my wife
    • My wife feels better about our relationship
    • My wife feels pretty and sexy
    • My wife doesn't feel bad anymore
    • I am no longer causing a problem
    • I am the solution to the problem
    • My life is getting better and better
    • I am becoming a good role model for my future children
    • My family is happy with me and my wife
    • I have learned from my mistakes, and…
    • … I am proud of myself!
    • My wife is proud of me
    • My wife loves me more than ever
    • My wife wants to get fit and toned for me
    • I can satisfy my wife
    • I love sex
    Write down ALL of the positives that you can think of.

    Now, on another piece of paper, write down all the NEGATIVES of continuing to PMO. Examples:
    • I live a crappy, awful, unhappy life
    • My wife is deeply unhappy and feels like a useless and unloveable human being
    • My wife doesn't feel like a real woman
    • My wife feels ugly
    • My wife has absolutely no reason to lose weight for me, and keeps getting fatter to (subconsciously) justify why I don't like her (even though it's my fault)
    • I cause problems and they keep getting worse
    • I can't solve serious and deep problems
    • I am a terrible role model for my future children
    • I can't have children, morally
    • My family will eventually pick up on the problems, and I will disappoint them
    • I am disappointed in me
    • I am hurting my wife
    • My marriage is going to collapse in a disgusting heap filled with shame
    • If I have children, I will ruin them
    • Divorce is inevitable
    • I can't have real sex
    Write down ALL of the negatives that you can think of.

    EVERY DAY, MORNING AND BEDTIME (and maybe lunchtime as well):
    • Read the negatives page
    • Take three or more deep breaths
    • Read the positives page
    Add to the pages whenever you feel that there's something new to add.

    You have to COMMIT to a 90-day hard reboot. Don't say that you can't or blah blah blah. Of course, you'll find it difficult. I found it difficult. Everyone finds it difficult. But your negatives page will remind you why you have to do it, and your positives page will motivate you to do it.

    If you won't do it for you, at least do it for your wife and your future children.
    @GreenSwampGuy is correct! If you do your 90-day reboot and you start to rediscover your sexual attraction to real women, you might start to find your wife attractive. You can then start to learn how to make a woman happy and how to make a marriage work. But at the moment, "trainwreck" is a good word to describe your marriage.

    Finally, start looking to get therapy. You get PMO-addiction for a reason. A psychiatrist is probably NOT the right place to start. Look around for various therapies that might help to motivate you and overcome emotional problems (you have a pushy family, so it's obvious that you'll have emotional problems).

    Good luck!
    Homelander and Luvspin68 like this.
  14. BluesJamz_90

    BluesJamz_90 Fapstronaut

    In India, it's common that parents push the idea of marriage, but many parents are also becoming open minded and encouraging live-in relationships too. Sadly, my wife's parents and mine were of the orthodox mindset. Anyway, I do blame only myself for being sucked into it.There were many signs leading till the last week of the wedding ,which led me to think that I should call it off , but I still decided to go ahead with it . I know my parents would have been supportive if I had decided not to do it.
    Also, I know what goes on porn is unrealistic and I don’t compare it to real life sex nor do I crave it . It’s watching only and quite compulsive too now.
    I do try to appreciate her for who she is, but when i do try to know her, I find it extremely hard to find a common connection or even a viewpoint to share. Our arguments become bitter real quick, and she's the kind who would become very aggressive and shout at the top of her voice to deal with our issues to prove a point to me or point out my mistakes, and i'm mostly like - I can't deal with this , so i stay calm and quiet and don't waste my energy on it. So we end up not talking to each other at all in the same house and sleeping in separate rooms.
    I know I have to give up porn at least start with a 90 day reboot, but keeping the sex aside, we have got bigger issues to deal with. The situation has become like we can't even stand each other as the type of people we are when things go even a little bad.
    So, I guess i have to patiently wait it out to have the clarity about the future and that starts with the reboot. I want to develop a common line of communication with her first, as we never really make any efforts to know each other . We just continue living our life this way.
    Also, about kids, I don't even think about it. I'll never even consider it . It all depends on how good we are together first. If it continues like this, it doesn't make any sense at all.
  15. BluesJamz_90

    BluesJamz_90 Fapstronaut

    I am willing to make the efforts, starting with the 90 day reboot, and I will try my hardest not to fantasize about anything or anyone else during this time .
    But , what do we do about the constant lows - she getting turned down by me during sex, me not enjoying it, And mostly arguments about other things and not talking most days and very few happy days . So most days are being very unfriendly and angry at each other .
    I will try my best from now on, giving up porn and work on myself first .
    But I really don’t know what I am going to do if I keep working on myself, see some progress and our fights still continue happening.
  16. BluesJamz_90

    BluesJamz_90 Fapstronaut

    Yes, Thanks for your insight and I will try to apply this approach during the reboot.

    But I have to be honest with myself first and to my wife . What if our sex life is still bad after the reboot and our fights keep happening ? What if I still don’t find her attractive enough? Those are some real questions we would have to ask each other then if the marriage can really go on or not.
    I would also like to see what efforts my wife makes on improving herself too while seeing me go through the reboot. Also, other than sex, how we are actually getting along, Do we even like each other for who we are or not.

    I am curious to see the progress during my reboot and I want to be clear of my boundaries of no sexual activity during the 90 days first . We will know much more clearly what we would need to do then.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2020
  17. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

    Start communicating. Start by apologizing. Dont ever use "you" and use "I felt" instead. Instead of looking at isues of porn, sex life, and attraction, you got to work on communicating first. Start looking at threads or books for that. Oh look for the 5 languages of love or something like that. Good luck.
  18. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    This is possible.

    But, it's also possible that things might turn around.

    From what I've learned, most women become bitchy when they don't feel safe. I'm not talking about physical safety — that goes without saying. I'm talking about emotional safety. She needs a man. You're not being a man when you masturbate or watch porn, or don't want her in bed, which makes her feel ugly, unloveable and unwanted.

    A man doesn't get into arguments with his wife. Instead, a man's job is to take big problems and make them small. When she's upset, find out what's bothering her, wait patiently while she tells you everything. Don't give her advice! Just listen. Even if it sounds completely unreasonable and ridiculous (hint: it will!), don't justify your actions; just listen. When she's done talking, which could take a long time, thank her for sharing with you, tell her that you understand and that you will think deeply about it, and say that you will do what it takes to make things better. Reminder: do not justify yourself, because that's an argument in the making.

    You will be a man by taking control of the situation, being the solution, making her feel that she can trust you to take charge (in a good way, not a bullying way), making her feel understood, wanted, more beautiful than she is — so that she can become more beautiful for you. She needs to feel that you can listen to her without judgement, that she can talk to you without an argument happening.

    You can say to her, "I'm going to sort this out, because you are beautiful and you deserve me to be the best a man can give you." Imagine the effect that that will have on her. If she responds in a bitchy way, you haven't listened to her enough yet, so find out what's still bothering her. Repeat as necessary :)

    Your job in a relationship is not to take but to give. You want to give calmness, emotional safety, understanding. You want to give her a man who doesn't get flustered, upset, emotional, accusing, etc. You want to give her a man who takes everything in his stride, even when she's bitchy, and always finds a solution, even when it takes time, even when it's hard.

    Make her feel that you care because she is worth it. That's the only way that she will become worth it to you — you need to make her worth it by giving her the space and security to be a woman to your manhood.

    When she says something that winds you up, instead of responding, pause…
    Breathe deeply…
    Be calm…
    Respond calmly by asking her, "Tell me more about this."
    Remember that it will often sound unreasonable, even ridiculous. It's OK, because it means that she's opening up to you, and that's much more important than logic.

    Our education throughout the world needs a serious shake-up, and one of those aspects is how to talk to a spouse. There is information available, but it's hard to find and often contradictory; fortunately, some of the best stuff is inexpensive.
  19. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    These are also good words.
  20. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

    This is some sort of pre-arranged or forced marriage weirdness, right?

    In voluntary marriage culture such as west, it makes sense that your relationship and marriage would strictly not be recommended as it doesn't seem you two are right together or ever were in love. Also not having children and actually making divorce would make sense.

    However, in context of your forced culture, I guess the actual happiness and sex standards are such marriage are much, much lower. So take that into account.

    Regardless, much of what you describe I have experienced as well and actually staying just 33 days of porn and masturbation fixed the sex life with my wife (went from once in two weeks to 4 times a week).
    Our life and happiness improved as well.

    So you are right coming here. trust me, in just 30 days of P and M your sex drive will reboot and you will be happy to actually use your wife as fuck toy and happy that your culture provides you with a guaranteed sex mate.

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