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Married guy trying to stop wanking

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Scrap, Oct 8, 2016.

  1. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    hi all. I've just started this journey. I think I'm an extremely horny guy and have been pmo for years before work after work during work. Help! Also I struggle to stay hard with wife and I think it's because I'm so used to pmo. So im 3 days in and struggling
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap. You are amongst friends where there is no judgement and only encouragement because we are all broken.
    Two things you need to know:
    • You can win the war against PMO.
    • What you feed will grow and grow stronger and what you starve will eventually die.
    Take a deep breath and exhale. It's going to be alright. You can do this. Have you deleted all P? If not, delete everything from computer/ smartphone and clear your browser history and delete cookies.

    Determine what your triggers are. Write them down if needed. Begin to discover alternative ways of dealing with them.
    You mentioned that you are you extremely horny. Is that the real reason you are dealing with PMO or are you using sex (even with self) as a way to deal with stress, anxiety, loneliness, frustration, feeling out of control, rejection and other emotions? There is a difference. I'm not saying that you aren't, since I obviously don't know you but I just want you to think and make sure you aren't justifying your actions (PMO). The other reason I ask is because you are married and the sex you are having because of PMO should be her's to enjoy, not yours to enjoy with the women on your screen.

    I'm not judging you, I want you to question yourself and see what's really going on for you to turn to PMO for relief. There is more there whether you realize it or not.

    You have a war to win against PMO and all of the cards need to be on the table to see what you need to deal with in order to win.

    PMO is the solution we choose for some other problem. It's a costly escape that doesn't solve the original problem(s), it only adds to what you have.

    Be encouraged. Journal helps remove the thoughts from your mind.

    I hope this gets you thinking and I hope it helps you.
     
    AndySky180, freedomwarrior and Scrap like this.
  3. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    Day 8
    HI there. This is my eighth day and honestly i feel great. I haven't came in 8 days, which I think is probably the longest I've ever went in my life.
    I wanted to stay away from sex with my wife for a few days too just to get off on the right track. At times its been tough trying to stay away from all kinds of porn. Yesterday was pretty tough as i received messages on my phone from some one that i used to swap pics with. I had deleted the number but obv they hadn't so ended up sending a few messages. No fapping though. Then I just found something to distract myself and moved on.
    I feel great today though. My balls do feel full but its a nice feeling and i would love to be able to harness it. I really feel I will be more in the moment the next time I have sex with my wife. They only time I should be feeling that kind of pleasure should be with her. She deserves that.
    My morning wood is on a different league all together. I literally be as hard as a rock each morning and i really love that feeling too. It makes me feel very manly.
    I just need to decide when to have sex with the wife and is this cheating?
    I dont think so as its not me PMO.
    I do feel that people are noticing me sexually more too. Male and female. which is great once i dont act on it!

    so far so good folks!
     
    AndySky180 and D . J . like this.
  4. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    So after i posted yesterday it got very tough. I was kind of "on" all day and started chatting to some ppl on my phone, which is basically porn to me. I did actually send a couple of pics too. I didn't pull myself off or anything but my thoughts were defo in the gutter. still havent came though and today is a much better day. no strong urges today. Although i think i will go for some sexy time with the wife tonight..... hopefully that goes ok.
     
    AndySky180 likes this.
  5. Washed-Up

    Washed-Up Fapstronaut

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    Does your wife know? I lost the best thing in the world to me because of PMO and PIED. I even admitted it to her calling it what it really is-"self abuse"! I needed more time but it wasn't in the stars I guess. I'd hate to see someone go down the same disgusting road I did and end up where I am now. No pity due here-I did it to myself.

    I've never experienced what you have chatting with women so I can't relate any help there but it sounds like that has to be wrung out of your life all together.
     
    Scrap and AndySky180 like this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Delete and block ALL people you have inappropriate communications with immediately. You are playing with fire and will eventually get burned.
    Realize that cheating on your wife means more than a physical occurrence with someone else, it also includes inappropriate mental and emotional attention to someone else. You are playing a dangerous game. The post by Washed Up is a warning to you. Don't follow in his footsteps and have his eventual regrets.
     
  7. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    I know. I have deleted all the contacts saved on my phone. The one yesterday was one I didn't have saved. Now blocked. Defo don't want to get burned.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  8. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Awesome and as any others communicate with you that you happen to miss, don't acknowledge or engage, immediately delete and block and delete any conversations you have had.
    Understand that some point your wife needs to know or will know, somehow. Secrets always surface. What is done in the dark will eventually come to the light. She will be hurt. What's going to hurt her more, finding out from you or some other ways. I'm quite sure married man who have been in your shoes can attest to this.
     
    Psalm27:1my light and AndySky180 like this.
  9. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    But surely if I knock it on the head now I can move on?
     
    AndySky180 likes this.
  10. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    That's your decision to make but here are few things to consider:
    • How do you respond if she finds out prior to you getting it controlled?
    • Should you receive a message and she happens to be near your phone and sees it before you, what then?
    • If the situation was reversed and she was doing what you're doing and didn't tell you, how would you feel? What would hurt more, the doing it or the hiding it?
    All actions have consequences, consider the consequences prior to the actions. Think about your life from birth to now, how much have you hidden has remained hidden and how much have you hidden has has affected you in negatively although it has remained hidden.
    I cannot make you do anything because it is your marriage. You know you, your wife and the strength of your marriage. I can only suggest and provide things to consider. You can ignore any or everything I've said, it's your choice. Choose wisely.
    Pray about, meditate on, think about, partially or completely ignore what I have shared with you.
     
  11. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    This is day 9 of no PMO for me and honestly its going really well. Last night i had great sex with my wife- without resorting to fantasy and imaging weird porno stuff. It was the first time in a while that that has happened and it felt great- like we had a much stronger connection. I came like a mutherf****8 too. Imsure thats TMI but really it is one of the pros of no pmo.
    Taking a break from porn and PMI really does mean better sex etc. Usually the day after sex i love PMO but im just going to wait till the next time we have sex and in so doing i hope to wire my brain to only only get that release from my wife.

    Does that make any sense to anyone? anyone experience this?

    keep up the good work folks!
     
    battleready, D . J . and AndySky180 like this.
  12. AndySky180

    AndySky180 Fapstronaut

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    Well done. Stay strong and brave and bold. You can do it!
     
  13. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    That's the way it's supposed to be. You are rewiring yourself to only we excited and ejaculate from your wife. That's perfect! Continue that and your marriage bond will become stronger (one of God's intended uses for sex) an your desire for PMO will lessen.
    DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF WATCHING PORN TO SEE IF IT HAS AN EFFECT ON YOU! DO NOT MASTUBATE TO SEE IF HAS AN EFFECT ON YOU!
    Don't go backwards. Place that energy on the new connection with your wife. Feed this and watch it grow and understand that PMO is dying.
     
  14. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    OK some disappointing news. yesterday I relapsed. i was hungover and the wife was away. So I fapped away the day! No excuse but feel like shit today. Starting off day 1 again sucks but iIhave to rem how good I feel wen I'm a few days in! :(
     
  15. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    So what should you have done instead of what you did?
     
  16. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    kept myself busy- stayed away from computer etc!
     
  17. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Next time, do what you just said! The part you failed to mention was next time you won't drink to the point of being drunk, especially when your wife is away.
     
  18. Scrap

    Scrap Fapstronaut

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    Hi all, I'm back again :)
     
  19. Hello. This is very similar to a goal I have with my version of nofap: I want to improve my physical ability and stamina as well as have better sex with my wife. I look forward to next week when I'll be very horny. But like you, I will have a few days off work and when she won't be home. During those times, the temptation to masturbate to orgasm will be great. However, I am mitigating it with BJJ academy and training at the range.
     
  20. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    How’s it been being away for 3 years?
     

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