Married looking for newbie partner

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by ado, May 6, 2015.

  1. jason3

    jason3 Fapstronaut

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    GOOD JOB! Good job with everything: the phone the purging, back in the guest room...the rest. Good job.
    I think I would be very open with her and let her know that you are committed only to have sex with her. That means no O except with her. But I wouldn't push for anything from her right now. You've been treating your sexuality as your personal plaything instead of something that God gave you to share with her. But you can say "I need your help, and having some sex with you could help, but I am at your mercy." Humility is what is required. Putting yourself under her, instead of going off and doing your own thing. And I think if you are open, honest, and humble the relationship will heal up faster than if you try to be proud and strong, etc. Forget that. You aren't strong, and you have nothing to be proud of. Are you in church? Maybe commit to going with her and your family. Being there together. Being a man with a family. Instead of just some dude with his wiener off on his own doing his own thing.
     
    ado likes this.
  2. DanVT

    DanVT Fapstronaut

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    @jason3 I have tried and failed to do this twice so far, but the worst part was after I failed I simply said "oh well, I tried" and continued on my self-destructive path. We have had 2 good talks so far, and she is willing to be a part of me breaking this addiction, but isn't my cheerleader so-to-speak. She feels that I need to just stop doing this because it is what good christians and good people simply don't do to those they love. I think the worst part is the last 2 times this has been an issue with my wife and I was the last 2 times she was pregnant, and we are expecting our third child in December or January. I have to do this, and I want to do this. It is simply unfair to her to have to deal with this addiction I have, along with caring for our children and herself, including our unborn child.

    For the first time I am connecting dots. This addiction is far reaching, and I have alot to clean up. The goal I have set is a starting point, and I will complete it to prove to her I can be a good man and a good father and treat her the way she deserves. Thanks all for the encouragement!
     
    ado likes this.
  3. ado

    ado Fapstronaut

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    I was a bit worried about today, but this helped me continue on! Great to hear Dan, be very thankful because some wives don't give an extra chance.
    One thing I would talk with her is setting her expectations. I would discuss what to do if you relapse - perhaps another night in the car? Tell her you have no intention about doing it again but most people on this forum can attest it's the 1% that never relapse, not the 99%.
    One thing I've been doing is not going for S when I'm having urges. Wait for her to initiate or initiate when you don't have urges and want to be intimate with your spouse. God's command is to be intimate on a regular basis and she needs it too. So, try to help her out and make sure she is well rested (especially with the baby) and try to find the best time of day for S. Otherwise commit to no PM and no O except for these circumstances!
    Really congrats on the flip phone. That might be something I should have done a long time ago. It would be a hard thing for me to do. It's a huge time waster. The irony is I first got it to have a bible, but I think it's my least used app.
     
    DanVT likes this.
  4. ado

    ado Fapstronaut

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    Day 19. Pretty long time without O and today had a few temptations. Spent some time idling around on the Internet. However nothing too strong. Glad to be checking in here once or twice a day.
     
  5. Jay8019

    Jay8019 Fapstronaut

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    Day 3 done and dusted

    It's tough. With your support much easier. Until I discovered this forum I hadn't realised how widespread this affliction was. Thanks to you all.

    I believe no Pmo and transmution of energy can make you into your greatest self. I'm from an indian culture and celibacy has long been believed to lead to higher consciousness if the path is correctly followed. I grew up with knowledge of yoga and meditation but lost the way as a teenager getting into drinking, drugs, women and hedonism. Perhaps my conservative upbringing led me this way. All I know is that things have to change. Semen holds sacred properties and wasting it unnecessarily fapping to porn or lusting over women robs you of your dignity and self worth. My main difficulty is not porn so much but trying to control myself around beautiful women. I've taken to lowering my gaze and looking away and not making eye contact if I'm out around malls/ work etc. In time when I get this under control I suppose I'll be able to become human again and not behave like an animal but hey it's only the first few days. Discipline is the key!
     
  6. ado

    ado Fapstronaut

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    Day 20. It probably wasn't too common before for me to go 20 days free of PMO (I didn't keep track). But I can say that normal intimacy with my wife is much different when off the PMO. It's definitely a stronger O, more pleasant feeling and a bit varied feelings than just purely physical. There's really no benefit to PMO at all, it's just a small temporary kick when depressed that only furthers the problem.
     
  7. Carmelstick76

    Carmelstick76 Fapstronaut

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  8. Carmelstick76

    Carmelstick76 Fapstronaut

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    Day 3 here for me too. Thanks for your story that really helped me. I've been having a little struggle today. I've been looking at women while at the stores, work etc.. Which means I am starting go the wrong direction. I've been rebooting so many times it doesn't make sense. I'm determined this time to start off with the 30 day challenge and keeping going from there.

    This forum is so helpful. Thank Gid for NOFAP. I'm going to try to start lowering my gaze and see how that works.
     
  9. trickydicky

    trickydicky Fapstronaut

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    43 partnered, Day 1. Been looking for support with this for ages, so glad to have found this site. We can all do this thing!
     
  10. Jay8019

    Jay8019 Fapstronaut

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    Day 4 finished. Feel awesome.
    Did a workout yday and will concentrate for the next month on gym and eating healthy. What I find is that when I'm working out lifting weights the endorphin release and "good soreness" after a workout distract me from women. I feel as though I don't need anything more. I feel stronger, happier and more complete. I'm not drinking either. Alcohol makes me lustful. It's almost as if the energy in my body lowers to my genital area and I turn into a lustful animal!! And strength training redistributes this energy around the body particularly to my head. That's not scientific of course but just how I feel.
    Got a sick leg workout planned for tomorrow. There's going to be squats, dead lifts. Leg curls and leg extensions. Hopefully I'll be so god damn sore I won't even register any hotties in my vicinity!!
    Also I mediate prior to bed time. I use a variety of kundalini yoga techniques and tantric breathing I've learned over the years. If any of you have a chance study the microcosmic orbit - good info on this by mantak chia. All this stuff I've known but ignored and finally come back too realizing finally it's intrinsic value.

    One step further along in a journey...
     
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  11. DanVT

    DanVT Fapstronaut

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    So I had sex with my wife last night, and it was the first time I think I had an O that lasted more than a few seconds. I think the PM had really messed with my body. It was so great. And my wife said it was the best we had in a long time, so that gives me incentive to keep on this path.

    Gym continues to be hard, but I think that has to do with my other medical issue. One problem at a time?
     
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  12. jason3

    jason3 Fapstronaut

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    "Eat, O Friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers." Song of Songs 5.1

    God approves this message.
     
    ado likes this.
  13. ado

    ado Fapstronaut

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    Day 21, I had thoughts of looking at P and some vivid dream last night. The withdrawal of PMO I think is making everything feel more intense. But it's just a daily decision to not give my flesh it's satisfaction. No thanks fapping.
     
  14. Jay8019

    Jay8019 Fapstronaut

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    Day 5 done and dusted. Feeling good.
     
  15. NuMe87

    NuMe87 Fapstronaut

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    27 and married. looking for as many buddies as I can.
     
  16. DanVT

    DanVT Fapstronaut

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    Welcome @NuMe87

    Had a rough morning. Couldn't stop fantasizing. Everything I thought about turned sexual. I was glad I was driving to work, I just kept driving until the feeling/thoughts were gone. We will see what the day brings, could be a hard one (maybe a pun there).
     
  17. NuMe87

    NuMe87 Fapstronaut

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    Grew job overcoming the thoughts. This happened to me last night on my home from work. Not even a full day in and already the images started. I just came home, packed up some clothes and headed for the gym. Stay strong. You are doing great.
     
  18. Jay8019

    Jay8019 Fapstronaut

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    Day 6 done yday and beginning day 7 today

    Been a tough week. I did a fucking sick leg workout yday and can barely walk! Luckily the pain has totally killed my libido!!

    To all the folks on this forum posting advice and experiences I salute you!! Just knowing there's guys out there going through the same thing inspires me and makes it much easier.
     
  19. Jay8019

    Jay8019 Fapstronaut

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  20. ado

    ado Fapstronaut

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    Day 24, looks like I was too busy last two days and didn't post. Just wanted to shout out to everyone and say that with Gods help there is light at the end of the tunnel. It might look bleak at times but PMO can be conquered. Almost at my 30 day goal!
     

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