Married with no chance of sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Strugglestreet, Feb 11, 2023.

  1. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

    Maybe an obvious suggestion, but have you taken a pill for it? That might make the difference.
    ZBoy likes this.
  2. Dr.J_76ers

    Dr.J_76ers Fapstronaut

    It takes time bro. I wasn't healed at 50, nor 100.
  3. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

    Dang, you married guys here are shattering all the myths about how wonderful marriage is supposed to be.
  4. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    Hello, I would say sex gets worse with age, but it's still sex, and sex is great. That being said, I can't think of a single reason to stop having sex unless it's a physical impossibility.
  5. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    Marriage is like everything else in life, it's neither all good or all bad, but a combination of both. For a marriage to last it takes work and there has to be far more positive times vs negative times.
    I've been happily married for 15-years, I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this year, you can do the math. FYI - The bad years are behind me and I would say my marriage is a pretty good thing.
  6. Man786

    Man786 Fapstronaut

    I can take. Apill but it's not the point, we both want my mind to recover, be normal and not needing anything like pills to have sex again, it's a mission and I have relapsed so much since Feb this year. Relapsed again today. I have had enough, going back to my streak tomorrow. I did over 200 days and I can do it again.
    Newbie Jasper likes this.
  7. KevinesKay

    KevinesKay Fapstronaut

    Would you consider trying Karezza?
    Newbie Jasper likes this.
  8. MrGarrison

    MrGarrison Fapstronaut

    Yes, the same boat.

    It is just after midnight where I live. I woke up from my neighbours orgasming very loud.
    It makes my feel even worse about my situation. My fiancé is gorgeous. But my flag is down and when I get it up, it's usually not hard enough and not for long enough. I failed numerous times and gave up trying because it just frustrates both of us more.

    I lost most of the sensitivity in the tip of my penis. I can feel that I touch it, but barely. My libido is also much lower than it used to be.

    I work too much, got out of shape and I have a bit of general anxiety. But this is not okay. We want children and we can't wait for many more years. But this can't happen if I don't resolve this soon.

    I'm hoping to get my hands on vi@gra after a doctor consult. I read that it only works when a person is aroused. I hope I can get back to this with my fiancé. Before I try it out on her, I will test how the vi@gra works by using it while watching porn (only on 1 or 2 occasions, to see if it works for me). If that's a bad idea, feel free to tell me. But it feels safe to me because I can't disappoint anyone.

    Other things I will try are 1) sleeping more hours and 2) going to the gym for an intensive workout 3x per week
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2023
  9. MrGarrison

    MrGarrison Fapstronaut

    This is pretty similar to my situation. Can medication help to resolve this? I hope there is something to give me an erection and keep it, with just little arousal.
  10. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    This is a terrible idea, sorry you said I could say it! lol. You know the PMO is bad for you. Why do you need to "test" the pill to see if it works with PMO? I totally can understand your anxiety around disappointing your fiancé by trying it with her and it not working. You would be getting her hopes up just to have it not work out and disappoint her. But you are also taking away the potential of the good outcome that it actually works really well and experiencing that with her instead! If your fiancé already knows the situation what's the big deal if the pill didn't end up working for you? It might end up being a really great experience that you will consciously have alone rather than with your future wife.

    All the while validating the action a few more times that most likely is causing the symptoms that you might need the pill for in the first place.
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2023
    hope4healing and KevinesKay like this.
  11. I agree with what @Warfman said about the possibly of missing the shared opportunity if it does work. But, that isn't the only reason it's a bad idea. First, you said your goal is to be able to fix the real-life problem with your SO, but your "test" isn't an effective way of determining whether it'll work for that or not. Knowing something works when PMO does not mean it'll work any other time. Secondly, it also gives no guarantee that no one will be disappointed either because it's very possible the pill will work fabulously for PMO, but even if it does, it in no way guarantees it'll work with real sex. In fact, it would perhaps be even more disappointing for it to work for PMO but then not with your SO. Continuing to feed the problem will not get you to a solution.
  12. Hi to all. Quick profile. Married 30 years to my best friend. Very little sex first few years. Then one illness/disease and then her health declined to a chronic state of pain and other various issues. Sex life crashed and burned. Well over 20 years now since any intimacy.

    I struggled to avoid anything PMO related. I am not a porn fan. I have definite opinions about porn and I would be a liar if I said I have never seen it, though it was rare and never a steady dose and never an addiction. Though, I have come to know that it's draw is strong and a monster addiction to overcome. Fortunately, I never let the desire build up in me.

    However, masturbation is something that although I never got addicted to it in terms of it being a regular practice, I would on occasion submit to it. It was random, and not that often.

    But I know that you either do it or don't. I don't think that much of myself that I can overlook the fact that I succumbed to it, and think, oh well it's not like I do it often. I believe it just has to stop... or it is a problem. So I struggled.

    It's not easy to be married and have no sex. There is a level of expectation that it comes as part of the package. (My apology if that sounds primitive). Its considered one of the gifts of marriage.

    After more than. 15 years of struggling, I was at my wits end. I found it more and more challenging to deal with. I started asking my doctors what to do. They had no answers.

    I did read about chastity cages and I was so desperate, I was ready to try anything, except being disloyal. I was climbing up the walls and didn't see any way out. It works for me. I am much better as a result of it rewiring my brain. It really works. Plus no key makes it easier. There were bumps along the way, but I am staying in the game.

    I am here to listen and learn from all of you. It is so easy to slip backwards. I need this forum for support because my married and no sex is not going to change. It will be a lifelong battle.

    I believe we play with the hand we are dealt. Sorry if that sounds weird in this case but is a card game metaphor. We stay in the game. We do not fold. We just keep going.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2023
    Newbie Jasper, TGAguy and again like this.
  13. MrGarrison

    MrGarrison Fapstronaut

    A few months ago we had a big fight about all of this. She shouted that I promised to seek help but I did nothing because I don't care. In that eruption, I told her that I had bought a sexual stimulant online as a way to get help. I didn't want to go to a doctor so I looked online. There was a brand called "mr stiff" advertised on social media. I checked loads of reviews and they were positive. They also said that they value privacy a lot, and the order would arrive privately sealed. I bought 15 of their pills, with a discount code of a well known erotic magazine of my country. That just added to their credibility to me.

    It says on their website that their pills do not contain sildenafil, which is the substance in vi@gra that causes headaches (I assume due to the rise of blood pressure). It also says they can be used with alcohol, so I figured it must work well.

    I took a pill shortly after the big fuss and wondered what would happen.
    I waited for half an hour and exactly nothing happened. At all. It was as if I had taken a sugar pill.
    I don't know if this was to be expected because I came out of a stressful situation, but I was very disappointed.

    It's easier for me to get hard from porn than from my fiancé, even though she is gorgeous. Maybe it is related to anxiety.
    I wish there was something to get a guy hard regardless of anxiety
  14. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    What did you promise? What help did you go looking for other that Mr stiff pills. Have you tried abstaining from PMO?

    Does your fiance know about your PMO use? Or does she just know about your issues with erections?

    I don't have experience with pied so I'm not the best person to suggest what to do. But my one experience that I think relates is when I would PMO regularly it definitely "curbed" my very high libido. But when I would abstain for 5 to 7 days I was like a horny bobble head. It's possible if you PMO quite often it is affecting your libido.

    How often do you PMO? Have you tried removing it to see what happens? There's a lot to the out of body experience that P gives that I think can affect us.

    I do though have a ton of experience with anxiety. And I can definitely say that it can affect your satisfaction sexually. If you're constantly worrying about how you are performing it's hard to even enjoy it. It becomes more of a robotic action than a physical and emotional expression of love.

    Something else I've experienced is that when my wife is really turned on I I'm turn am turned on more. She then is turned on even more. There's a building of that desire that is pretty awesome. Unfortunately we are struggling to rekindle that since we had our first kid. P can most definitely create a wedge of disconnect for both partners that makes sex less fun.
    again likes this.
  15. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

    Literally just buy a normal sildinafil pill and use it prior to engaging in intimacy. Using fake pills and trying to rub one out to porn is kind of counter-intuitive.
    Kahuna81 likes this.
  16. Branchman

    Branchman Fapstronaut

    If something is not happening, make it happen.

    There are some things you can do to provoke sex. There are even some fruits that are aphrodisiacs.
  17. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    I commend you for staying in a sexless marriage, but for me I would end the marriage. I'm a sex addict, sex has always been too important. If I wanted a platonic roommate I would have one. The understanding of marriage for me meant that I would be loyal and faithful to one person, but I would need sex to be part of that vow.
    Good luck, I hope it all works out for you and that you have the happy life that you deserve.
    Branchman and KevinesKay like this.

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