Married with questions.....

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  1. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

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    I’ve passed the 30 day mark of no PMO/standard mode. It’s been a rough 6 days after hitting the 30 mark. My question has to do with day dreaming about sex with my wife. I feel like this is normal and not a bad thing, but it’s making it hard to stay away from P. That use to be one of my triggers.Rubbing/massaging/scratching my wife’s back is something I’ve always enjoyed doing, but it does lead me to think about sex which can take me down a dark path. Do I stopmassaging and day dreaming about my wife? Or do I find ways to dealwith it not associated with P?
     
  2. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    I think that there is a big difference between what is "good or bad" vs. what is "healthy or unhealthy" (or helpful or unhelpful if you prefer). I don't think it is bad at all, and is totally normal. However, for a recovering PMO addict, it might not be a healthy practice - at least for the short term.

    I found that I had to cut out daydreaming about sex with my wife for a while. About day 90 I reintroduced it, and struggle with it a lot less as a trigger than I did previously. Even then, I have to be careful.

    Are you doing hard mode?
     
  3. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

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    No to hard mode. P use has been an issue in my marriage for almost 15 years. We have had several blow ups in the past over it and I’d rather not have another one. So keeping her in the dark about the changes I am making have been the route I am taking. So I’m doing a standard challenge.
     
  4. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    That makes sense. I have never tried hard mode either.

    I know that for me when we have been physically intimate I get really strong "chaser effect" desires. I often start of just daydreaming about our most recent encounter, and then turn that into other fantasies, and then things can spiral out of control from there.
     
  5. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

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    I have that issue sometimes the day after. I’ve discussed it on here. But it depends on the encounter really. And how much I allow myself to daydream. I’m finding that the challenge starts there. The better I am at controlling those early morning urges to think about sex, the easier the day can be. Sat and Sun are the hardest because I don’t have to get out of bed as soon as I wake up. I’m going to try and make it a point this weekend to get up as soon as I wake up and do something productive. Hopefully that will make the weekend easier.
     
    Tannhauser likes this.

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