Masquerading online as a female ("catfishing?")

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by dt1963, Oct 9, 2018.

  1. dt1963

    dt1963 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I posted this in the new members forums yesterday and then found this forum and thought that people here might be able to offer some insight/support.

    My biggest P problem currently is masquerading as a female on D/S sites such as CS. Not just any female, my wife. This is deeply shameful to me, upsetting (traumatic even) for her and a waste of time for myself and everyone I interact with on CS.

    Effectively I have stolen her identity and compromised her personal security. It is stupid beyond belief and yet in spite of the risks, and the damage done, I have failed to abstain from this for any great length of time.

    I feel that I am the lowest of the low, undeserving of my wife, and my children.

    I would be so very grateful for the support of this community.
     
  2. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Welcome here, @dt1963. You have already made the first insight by admitting the problem, then looking for help and finally coming here.

    Stop today. There is no other way.

    How "low" you end up being depends on what you do in the future (which starts now!). Regarding personal responsibility, porn is something powerful which humanity just hasn't been ready for, so you might not have to take responsibility for what is happening by default. But if you don't take responsibility regardless of this it will ruin your life, and this is something you cannot possibly want.

    So, man up. It is the only option, really.

    Think about replacing your bad habit with a good habit. Do you do sports, or are you creative in any way, or what else would you enjoy doing with your spare time?

    Again, welcome, and I hope you find the help you need here. First I was thinking about suggesting you to see a psychologist, but then again all these weird fetishes created by porn are not to be taken too seriously in what they are. They just have to be overcome, and your mind will settle back in its natural order again.
     
  3. dt1963

    dt1963 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Headspace, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. My default response to your comment about good habits would have been to say "I am too busy with work and family" but the reality is that my addiction is robbing the time for me, my work, my family. I guess I need to focus on family and work to distract myself and try to feel good about myself again.

    Thanks again.
     
  4. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    Welcome here! Good choice making this contact. It can only lead to the better.

    Now I feel as I’m responsible to be honest with you. In many countries this activity would classify as illegal (don’t know all that much about GB law). This is a truly despicable behaviour. I think you need to take action. To another level. I think you need an accountability partner. Is there anyone in your life that you could talk to? And be open with everything I mean? Maybe a priest or a counsellor? You need to stay away from those websites you’ve visited completely. If you manage to turn this ship around now maybe everything will be alright for you and your wife. If not, I find it hard to see why your wife would still commit to you, when eventually finding out.

    This is the most outspoken, judging post I’ve done in this community. I don’t know you or your wife, it’s just my natural response. It’s not to make you feel worse. I have too made mistakes. I would like this to be a success story. I think it’s possible! I believe in you mate!
     
  5. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I almost expected that since work and family usually fill out a person's life. This advice is better for people who are single. But yeah, try focussing on them, then!
     
  6. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Nope, your advice was spot on for us married people too.
     
    Headspace likes this.
  7. dt1963

    dt1963 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your supportive words. No, they didn't make me feel worse and it does help to see them written by stranger.
     

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