Masturbating once is not a "relapse" it's a "reset" - Risky/excessive masturbation can be a relapse.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Alexander, May 30, 2018.

  1. redemption7

    redemption7 Fapstronaut

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    Wondering if you could give me some guidance on something pertaining to what you said about stimulus and healing there, bud. I have a girlfriend but she lives quite far away from me. The quarantine situation ensures that we will not be able to see each other again for some time. I have noticed that my urges and fantasies are growing more and more to be about her than anything or anyone else. I am happy to say this is happening even though I am only 5 days off of PMO. I consider masturbating with her as the stimuli, through my imagination as well as conversations and pictures we exchange, as not a problem in and of itself. It is not reliant on porn in any way.

    Do you agree with that assessment and, if so, how many days do you think I should go without MO before I start doing it with her stimulation?
     
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  2. Scorcher2000

    Scorcher2000 Fapstronaut

    So, long story short I have PIED. And yes I acknowledge I'm an addict.

    I wasn't asking in a way to justify fantasizing, I just wanted to know how to do that, I'm really stranger to that since DAY ONE. But thanks for all information you gave about the topic.:emoji_heart:

    And, as you said eating when you feel bad (I know it's out of topic :D), my mother cold turkeyed cigarette almost one and half years ago and she currently has a stress induced eating disorder and continuously gaining weight.
     
  3. Absolutely not! You are only five days in, and at this stage, the monster in your head is running scared. It knows you better than anyone, and it will make any and every believable excuse to get you dirty again. ("Believable" is what you find believable, not necessarily anyone else.)

    If you masturbate to thoughts of your gf, certain things will happen:
    • You will be using her as a porn substitute, which means that those addiction paths in your head will retrigger. As with porn, the needs will grow, not shrink.
    • You will associate your gf and sexual satisfaction with a story in your head, which is not your gf — even if it feels as though it is. There are a couple of dangers associated with that. One of them is that when you and she finally meet again, you will find it hard to enjoy sex with the real woman rather than the woman in your imagination.
    There are other dangers, but those two should be sufficient to warn you off.

    At this stage of going clean, your symptoms — growing urges and fantasies — are normal and expected.

    Regarding your urges, there are several things that you can do. Spend time on NoFap, YBOP, and wherever else you find useful information to educate yourself. Education is a good guard against letting your guard down! Learn tricks that calm you down. Everyone is different, so you need to experiment. Ideas include doing puzzles, talking to a friend, exercising, having a cold shower, logging into this forum for help. You can probably think of or find a dozen other ideas.

    Regarding your fantasies, they are dangerous. Redirect your thoughts. When you get a fantasy, don't fight it, because that monster in your head will fight right back! Instead, acknowledge the thought: "I acknowledge that you want me to use porn again, and my imagination is a sort of porn. But I'm learning to go clean so that I have a healthy relationship with my girlfriend, so let's think about something else." Then, think about something else. Anything non-sexual! As before, try a puzzle, a book, talking to a friend, etc. You can get involved in research to hone your working skills, develop a new hobby, fix up something in your home, whatever.

    Good luck!
     
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  4. It's a myth that quitting cigarettes makes you put on weight. What happened was that your mother quit cigarettes, but didn't address the emotional problems that made her addicted in the first place. So, she has simply swapped one addiction (tobacco) with another (eating). If she stops overeating without addressing her problems, she'll turn to yet another addiction.

    I've said this many times before: Addicts need therapy! I know that I'd never have completed my hard reboot without therapy.
     
  5. Scorcher2000

    Scorcher2000 Fapstronaut

    I agree about that myth, as a person never ever smoked. I didn't wrote that "stress induced" thing for no reason; my parents had a stressful marriage (still stressful as of now), and my mother used to relief that stress with cigarettes.

    After that disorder started, my mother went to a dietitian, but that diet went "boring" and "unworthy" as my mother says. We're in a such environment that filling voids is almost impossible. Gladly, we're fired from house by my grandparents and we'll be moving by August.

    Other than this, I fully agree.
     
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  6. OnTheLine

    OnTheLine New Fapstronaut

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    What is your definition of non-excessive masturbation? It's a bit unclear to me.
     
  7. That's not a clear-cut thing, unfortunately. But, the best thing is to approach it with the right attitude. Are you masturbating because you are stressed? If so, that's the wrong reason.

    There's only one reason why you should choose to masturbate, and that's to relieve sexual urges when they get too strong and you don't have a sexual partner. Of course, the sexual urges should be entirely natural and not caused or exacerbated by porn or porn-subs — if you're using porn or porn-subs, you need to redo a hard reboot. You should also avoid any type of sex game (edging, etc.) and escalation.

    How often would your urges grow too strong? Well, everyone's different, and of course quite a number of people choose to never masturbate (and they'd recommend the same for you). It's completely your choice as to whether you take their advice or occasionally relieve yourself.
     
  8. ToMMy.H

    ToMMy.H Fapstronaut

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    wait, but if you relieve yourself than you have to reset your journey right?

    I mean the goal is to handle the sexual energy and not masturbate at all no?
     
  9. That's correct, if you're doing a hard reboot, which you are doing. It's not only relieving yourself but also viewing porn (or p-subs), masturbating or even having sex.
    You'll find, at first, that handling the sexual energy it tough. But after a while (it might take two or three months depending on various factors), it becomes easier. Much easier. When you stop associating everything with sex, you stop getting so much sexual energy in the first place. You can reserve it for sexual partners (after your hard reboot).
     
    ToMMy.H likes this.
  10. Troubledteacher

    Troubledteacher New Fapstronaut

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    New to the group and this is the 2nd post I've read. Thank you for this. I am receiving a lot of clarity about my difficulties


     
  11. Howlinmadmike

    Howlinmadmike Fapstronaut

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    I think I'm in the wrong place.
    I simply stopped to try the no nut November, masturbation for me was done at night time maybe to help me sleep.
    I read the above and it's made out to be a problem. I mean who masturbates outside? Sorry but I've never contemplated that.
    I'm currently at 177 days off my own steam no porn addiction.
    So to you guys that are going through some bad things in your life that you feel the need to stop something I see the need to use as more of a relaxent. Stay strong stick to your goals and I'm sure you will be fine.
     
  12. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Nah, masturbation isn't healthy at all, isn't normal and should be avoided. The only argument that it is "healthy" is that it "reduces stress" but it's far from true; with that way of thinking any drug reduces stress shortly after usage. Oh, and it "reduces risk of prostate cancer" but if you really want to damage yourself in every way just because there's slightly less of a chance to get cancer then you are already sick in the head.
     
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  13. Howlinmadmike

    Howlinmadmike Fapstronaut

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    so tell me why it isn't healthy then? This is what I'm asking. Instead of telling me I'm sick in the head don't know how I'm sick in the head though.. find that pretty strange.
     
  14. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    I'm not saying you are sick in the head because you don't know what are consequences of frequent masturbation. People who know them but still jack off because they are so scared of cancer are cancerofobes (honestly it's never about cancer, it's just an excuse to coom). I can list you why masturbation is bad but I'm telling you at the beginning that you won't find many journalists agreeing with me, it's based on my and others experience and the fact that it lowers testosterone:
    -brain fog
    -lower testosterone -> lower gains at the gym
    -social phobia and anxiety
    -smaller confidence
    -you feel like trash afterwards
    There's an argument that if you jerk off once in a while then nothing will happen. Okay but why do it then? There's nothing good about it and there's a risk that you will get addicted. Just like a guy who smoked a ciggarete tells you that it didn't destroy his lungs, he feels relived and "Actually after smoking it I get more pleasure from breathing normally".
     
  15. Howlinmadmike

    Howlinmadmike Fapstronaut

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    But you can't compare this to masturbation that's just silly.
    I'm just hitting 178 days, I've put on weight..my job dictates I walk over 15 miles a day near on 30k steps. That hasn't changed..my diet hasn't changed, yet my weight has gone up, so the testosterone theory is a pile as far as I'm concerned. Proof definitely is needed.
    I'm not bitching about this I'm just trying to be cival and find out why people feel the need to stop doing what can be said as a normal human act behind closed doors maybe with a partner.
     
  16. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Because it's not a normal human act and I already listed you negatives that people report from it?
    Here's the source that it lowers testosterone: https://www.SPAM REMOVED - REPORT TO MODERATION.com/stop-porn/testosterone/ (idk why it thinks it's spam) anti()dopamine.com/stop-porn/testosterone/
    + I made a blood test, before and after jacking off, it did lower my testosterone. That's all the proof I need and maybe I will sound cockish but I don't care that you disagree. I have participated and seen discussions here about negatives of PMO and it always goes this same:
    -I felt those negatives :
    -Actually I don't feel it at all therefore you are wrong, here's the source from healthline that supports me (did you know that the only negative you can get from this addiction is lost time? Wow! It's like the best addiction ever!): https://www.healthline.com/health/masturbation-side-effects
    If it's normal then why are you participating in nofap? Tell me what negatives do you find in PMO, maybe that will motivate me even more to avoid it.
     
  17. Howlinmadmike

    Howlinmadmike Fapstronaut

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    *Masturbation is a common activity. It’s a natural and safe way to explore your body, feel pleasure, and release built-up sexual tension. It occurs among people of all backgrounds, genders, and races.
    Despite the myths, there are actually no physically harmful side effects of masturbation.*

    So apart from the guilt and maybe excessive excessive masturbation there really is no side affects? And I did read the links.
     
  18. SazShaikh

    SazShaikh Fapstronaut

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    I guess its part of life and it give mind satisfaction, noting else.
     
  19. ibrahim1997

    ibrahim1997 New Fapstronaut

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    What is the best way to masterbute without harmful effects?

    I usually jerking off by wrap my dick by soft blanket and start rubbing! And how i can measure that is progress found?
     
  20. That's an odd way to masturbate! I wonder if doing that desensitises you?
    If you're going to masturbate, you need to do so only for the right reason, which is to satisfy an overpowering urge. Not to help you go to sleep, or for stress relief, or boredom, or anger, or whatever. Avoid any type of masturbation game. Absolutely no porn or p-subs!
    You could have a look at mindful masturbation or at intermittent masturbation. I don't know if they'll help you.

    If you haven't already done a hard reboot, I strongly recommend that you do so first.
     

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