Masturbating with your SO

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Megasameru, Jan 3, 2018.

  1. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

    133
    131
    43
    Im in kind of a doubt. I know we must set our own goals regarding nofap, but I need to know your opinion about it.
    What if you masturbate with your fiancee? I mean, per example, letting her masturbate you, masturbating over her, finish yourself with your hand after sex/blowjob.
    I know itself isnt a problem, but I kinda like finishing my own over her, and it may be because I prefer my own hand.
    Also, what do you think if sleep fetish? We agreed and we like to fuck each other in our sleep, and I do it more often than her since she has a deeper sleep. I really like it, is it wrong?
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2018
  2. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    I think, as you alluded yourself, it all depends on you and your motives and objectives. Nothing inherently wrong with a hand job, whether that's you and your SO doing it mutually to each other, or each to themselves together, or taking turns, or any variation on the theme as long as it's done for the right reasons. Only you know what those right reasons are, and whether what you're doing qualifies. Some of the wrong reasons I can think of include doing it because you "prefer your own hand", as you put it (quite apart from the emotional etc. issues with that, surely the death grip risk alone is a reason to avoid it?), or because that's how you've seen it so often done in porn flicks (which is something I never understood, seems to me to defeat the whole point - but maybe I'm just old-fashioned like that) and feel it's somehow the 'right' way to finish things. In short, think through not just the actions, but the reasons behind them, before making that call.
     
  3. TwelveFoot

    TwelveFoot Fapstronaut

    232
    222
    43
    I'd say there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you're mentally and emotionally still there with your wife, not off in some fantasy. And as long as your SO is alright with it.
     
    Megasameru likes this.
  4. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    I would recommend avoid it till day 90 at least? Stick to vanilla sex till then. Your preferences might change, or rather, normalise. The same happened with me.
    I was super into BDSM when I was PMOing everyday. But once I got a bit into NoFap, I realised I don't need or even want that stuff in a relationship anymore.
     
  5. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

    133
    131
    43
    Thanks guys!! Your advise are really appreciated.
     
    Truegamer007 likes this.
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,015
    3,396
    143
    I’m a female and my ex had PIED particularly DE he could only O with his own hand and sex always finished with him using his own hand over me and then ejaculating on me. He shut his eyes and did not want me to touch him. I had exes who did this once in awhile and I had not minded but this was the only way he could O ever and after awhile it began to disgust me. See not only was he moing his sexual experience was one that was entirely without me involved. Sex is a mutual bonding experience. He was just replacing porn with me. That won’t work. If your goal is to reach O from something other than your hand you must stop using your hand completely that includes during sex with another person. You are reinforcing the pathways you want to get rid of. Can she use her hand my response would be yes as a stepping stone to Oing with sex. Since you are using to your own hand transition to hers and then to sex.

    What does your partner think about you having to use your hand every time? Is she okay with it? Most women are not. Because it lacks intimacy. So if your goal is a normal sex life stop with your hand entirely. Let her be the sole source of orgasm. If you can’t O and she’s satisfied and you are spent do not use your hand, stop and try again with her tomorrow. It takes some discipline no doubt but it will pay off.
     
  7. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

    133
    131
    43
    Its not always at all, If we're on contraconceptives I'd usually cum inside, but if she's ovulating I'd cum outside. She definitely likes me to cum on her, but obviously its not always the case. I think anyway it'd be better for me to get used to slower orgasms, preferably induced by her, since Moing is usually focused on doing it quick and pressing.
    Btw, what is "DE"?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. DE = Delayed Ejaculation.

    I never understood why anyone would want to use their own hand to achieve O when with a partner. That just seems so ass backwards to me.
     
  9. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    Some guys can't O without their hand cause of too much M. Then, I guess, this leads to sex fetishes that are build around or accommodate that peculiarity.
     
    scorchio101 and Megasameru like this.
  10. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

    133
    131
    43
    As Truegamer007 said, we get used to masturbate so much that we know exactly what makes us O the quickest. We must practice with our couples so they find out how to give us the most pleasure. Anyway, I love to cum with the stimuli of the vagina, but it isnt always posible (you cant always cum inside), but, per example, i dont feel the handjobs so great. Its all a matter of practice.
     
  11. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

    133
    131
    43
    Any advice regarding the sleep fetish is appreciated
     
  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,015
    3,396
    143
    As others have said it’s delayed ejaculation sometimes also called ejaculatory incompetence. You either take a really long time to reach O or you can’t O at all. For most they have situational DE, so they can O for example from their own hand with a partner or alone but not from any other stimulation. Situational DE quite often goes hand in hand with porn addiction. You have trained yourself to O one way your hand and porn. Some also have death grip syndrome. So with their hand they create a stimulation that no woman can replicate. The more they use their hand the more they rely on it and find it very hard to reach O with a partner. If you don’t have a problem with Oing with a woman without using your hand you don’t have it. But if your goal is to reboot (which I think will help with the fetish) it’s better to not use your hand at all. Many guys have the chaser effect. They recall how good their hand feels and want to do it again.
     
    MeoG and Megasameru like this.
  13. Not that I think there is anything wrong with it but during reboot as others have stated you might just want to stick to vanilla to see if this is your Porn brain that likes this fetish or you.
     
    Kenzi, scorchio101, anewhope and 2 others like this.
  14. MeoG

    MeoG Fapstronaut

    This is exactly why this forum shouldn't be segregated into male/female only sections (as was the suggestion in female journal topic). I find this female perspective very valuable.

    When I was a kid, there was an attempt to do sex ed in our school, but in a weird way. The girls and boys were separated in different classes. We, boys, kept giggling during the class not taking it seriously, and the teacher was so embarrassed that he wanted to just be done with this. What's been happening in girls' class, remained a complete mystery to us, just like everything else we needed to know to be prepared for our first sexual experience.

    At my kids' school it was totally different. Before the sex ed program started, the teacher invited all parents to Q&A session, just to make sure that parents are comfortable with the material. It amazed me that some parents were not. One woman with a very high pitched voice kept screaming "You want to teach my daughter THAT!!! But she even hasn't had her first kiss!!!"... I was tempted to tell that she was paving a road for her daughter's teenage pregnancy, but it wasn't my business after all.

    My daughter was telling me later that the sex ed class was together with boys. No giggling. Everyone was asking lots of questions and the teacher was answering for the whole class. This was the best way, I think. Teaching sex as a natural thing that eventually occurs between boys and girls without stigmatization and make sure that kids understand what is involved and how to do it safely.

    It amazes me how in this day and age, we still struggling to understand motives and feelings of the opposite gender. So more we know about each other, less compelled we'll be to indulge in artificial fantasies on both sides.
     
  15. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,015
    3,396
    143
    This is very true. My ex that was the PMO addict, went to an all boys school his entire life, through high school graduation. It was Catholic and there was no sex ed. His parents never spoke to him about it. It made him socially and sexually inept and I think in very large part led him to turn to PMO as his sole sexual outlet. Developing an understanding of the opposite sex is crucial to relationships, and sex is a natural thing not to be ashamed of. My ex was ashamed and embarrassed. My parents were excellent, and talked to me age appropriately from a very young age. I thank them so much for that. As far as having separate forums by sex, I don’t know if necessarily by sex helps.
     
  16. Selfdiscovery

    Selfdiscovery Fapstronaut

    592
    244
    43
    What's vanilla in sex terminology?
     
  17. Mind sound boring but no extra kink. Don’t feed fetishes.

    Back to the basics...Missionary. Passion. Soft. Slow. Kissing. Vanilla.
     
  18. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I'll have some of that, thank you.

    Missionary gets so much bad press for being 'boring' and 'unimaginative' etc. I think it's pretty damn hot, actually. Not always, of course, and certainly not as the only thing, but every now and then, it's hard to beat.
     
  19. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    I love my parents, but I hate them for this. For most of my teens, I had this immense frustration and I was too embarrassed and didn't even know how to interact properly with girls. The only outlet I knew was PMO. Nothing but PMO.
    Thanks to NoFap I'm doing my best to learn in my twenties what I should have learnt in my teens. My life is going great rn but I can't help but regret all those wasted years. I feel I don't even know what being a teenager is like, cause I never got to experience it.... :(
     
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 and GG2002 like this.
  20. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    A fetish, is a fetish , is a fetish.
    I think as a SO to a PA to avoid this fetish for 90 days. after that re evaluate if and how this should be addressed.
    My husband and i have a "sleep" thing too. (its actually something i like i introduced to him) but i told him i dont want it ruined, so he is not allowed to do that until he can experience a full reboot. once that happens we can re evaluate
     
    Truegamer007 likes this.

Share This Page