Masturbation as my escape route

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by andrepoleto, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. andrepoleto

    andrepoleto New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    This website looks like a materialization of my thoughts as i was just thinking about how to control my sexual behavior. One of my biggest problems is to think about sex my entire day, since i wake up until i close my eyes to sleep at night. Sometimes i just wish to spend my hole day having sex with as many horny girls i can and i know that is impossible. I just can't ask everyone for sex and i'm not rich so i can't effort prostitutes all the time. Actually, i'm unemployed and can't pay even just one. So my only available resource is selfstimmulation. I always try to find some reason to masturbate. My head always tells me "are you stressed because you have a lot of work to do? jerk off", "went to a party with pretty girls and didn't get any? jerk off, "are you lonely? jerk off". The central point is: "i want to have sex, but i can't now and i don't know when it will happen once i have no girlfirend, no friend with benefits and no money to pay for sex, so i will watch some porn and masturbate". This daily thought just consumes me. I have problems with concentration, bad mood and no motivation to go after my objectives. I just think about having sex with all the girls in the world. Sometimes i make plans and take decisions based in the possibility of how much sex i will get if i do this or that! I just want to stop this! I really want to get motivated to achieve my goals to have a better life in all aspects, not just to have more sex. I believe that if i can control these impulses i will make a giant leap to reduce or even stop masturbating. If anyone who read this text have something to share that can help me, i would really aprecciate.
     
    NuevaAmerican likes this.
  2. astronaut prime

    astronaut prime Fapstronaut

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    hey man,

    sorry its been so rough on your end :/

    i think what helps me is to process and journal. i spend a lot of time writing my thoughts out and challenging them. it's really hard, but the process does get easier

    i have a girlfriend as well, but we're not sexually active. i feel like the hard truth is that....having a girlfriend/wife doesn't really solve the problem. some of my married friends still struggle with this as their wives aren't nearly as sexually aroused as the guys are

    i know it's hard man. but take small steps. i think journaling and writing can really help you, esp if you're challenging your thoughts and trying to cope with difficulties in a healthy manner.

    likewise, the sexual transmutation is also helpful. i would also try to find a hobby or goal, or something meaningful to you and pursue it.

    i think the quote below helps me

    "the more we engage in gratifications, the more we enjoy them. these are activities that require more effort and thought, but the payoff is higher as well. the more we engage, the more we enjoy. this includes activities that are often thought of as hobbies, like creating art or learning a skill like a karate. most, if not all gratifications can be great stress relievers."

    but at the end of the day, i think ive realized that...
    having sex, or orgasm is just a single instance. that's it. it's a fleeting moment in time, and it ends. it's not going to solve your problems.

    just because you feel sad or are struggling...it doesn't mean your life actually sucks or that things are bad. sometimes how we feel, especially if we have depression(like how i do and it makes it much harder), is not an accurate representation of real-life.

    things aren't as bad as they seem, and tasks not as daunting as you believe them to be. you can chip away at the problem and things will get easier. you really can. and you're going to be okay. how you're feeling right now.... it's not going to be forever
     
    andrepoleto and NuevaAmerican like this.
  3. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

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    Right now you seem to be using it when you feel lonely or depressed, which means you're giving yourself rewards for failure, which re-inforces those feelings.

    Well, why not use all that sexual energy to your advantage?

    In this I mean:
    Break down your biggest goals into small, achievable steps.
    If you're trying to find a job, don't allow yourself to jerk off until you have sent out, say 10 applications.
    If you're trying to get in shape, no jerking off until you've busted out 500 pushups.
    If you're trying to get a degree, no jerking off until you've studied (for real, not just procrastinated in the presence of books) for say 10 hours.

    All that time you (naturally) spend thinking about sex will get diverted to thinking about doing the task you've set yourself. Not to mention that the act itself will feel much better, because it's not heaped in shame and other bad feelings... you bloody well EARNED it.

    That way you're rewarding yourself for good behaviour, not bad. Then you'll find yourself moving in a positive direction that will naturally attract women.
     
  4. barrypower

    barrypower Fapstronaut

    I couldn't write it better myself. You already know what your current patterns lead to. If you're not satisfied with your current behavior you have to make adjustments. Take baby steps and stay positive. Try not to get discouraged. Eventually your mind will follow.
     
    andrepoleto likes this.
  5. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Hey dude, I clicked on your post because of the title, and after reading your post I can totally relate!

    I’m the same way, my PMO addiction is an escape route. What I’ve found over the past few months of sobriety is that when I stop using PMO to escape I’m realizing I was running from all sorts of feelings and using PMO to escape them.

    It’s been an intense journey so far for me but it’s totally been worth it I think, cuz first, I’m finally dealing with my emotions which is SLOWLY starting to allow me to truly grow up and be responsible, second, I’m starting to be able to like myself and not run from my uncomfortable feelings (this is so difficult to do!!! But with s therapist I’m figuring it out),

    and third, like you I obsessed about sex all day every day. A few months ago before my nofap journey, I was literally maturbading and watching porn sometimes 5+ hours per day. I was checking porn blogs like people check Instagram, while in line at the dmv, waiting for an elevator, waiting for dinner etc... it was a constant thread in my life and the only thing that made me feel safe! Well, 100 days into sobriety (a freaking mircacle), I’m not obsessing about sex as much. It’s (I think) becoming a more normal relationship to my sex drive. It seems porn and constant masturbation causes my sex drive to go out of control and I think it’s balancing out now.

    Hope this helps, and please reach out if you need support! We’re all a bunch of PMO addicts trying to recover.
     
  6. Unflinching

    Unflinching Fapstronaut

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  7. andrepoleto

    andrepoleto New Fapstronaut

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    Hey man!

    I aprecciate and admire your courage and generosity for relating this case. The journey goes on and i deeply hope that it brings balance to you for life!

    Today i make 7 days of sobriety. It's not being easy but i think i'm starting to enjoy the benefits. I'm feeling more motivated and having some signals of sex drive control. I'm learning that avoid PMO is not to renegate my impulses. It's healthy to feel desire for someone or catch myself thinking about sex, but i'm starting to realize that there's a time for each thing. When i feel that my sex drive is getting out of control i start to make any type of exercise like squats, for example. Seconds later i just forget that i wanted to masturbate. This strategy is working for now, but i know i have to get stronger each day.

    The journey is just beggining but it's for a better sake.

    I hope that it hepls you too.

    Please reach out if you need any support!
     
    Unflinching likes this.
  8. EricKungFooled

    EricKungFooled Fapstronaut

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    Well, I had a wife and money to pay for escorts but chose to continue using porn and masturbating. As much as we like to rationalize we are using PMO because we have no girlfriend or options for sex, porn usage is purely for the addictive dopamine rush. This is why porn eventually feels better than sex and many men cannot perform without porn. I got into porn since teenage years and a virgin until 26, the truth is that when I had sex for the first time my immediate thought was "wow that felt good" then two seconds later wanted to watch porn.

    The dopamine rush is not the same as porn because the primitive human brain interprets porn is having sex with countless women. It can't tell the difference between pixels and flesh. Only after losing my marriage, family, half my income did I realize the grave I dug myself.
     
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