Masturbation destroyed my life

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Abdulronniek1, Jun 19, 2020.

  1. Abdulronniek1

    Abdulronniek1 New Fapstronaut

    My name is abdul from nigeria and this is my story
    I grew up in Lagos to a below average parents,I was the last of four children.
    Growing up for me was the best moment in my life kos I was this cute,intelligent boy who was full of life and enjoyed it as it came.I had so many crushes kos of my looks kos I was named the cutest boy in school that even juniors and seniors had secret crushes on me(got to know later) but was still a kid and didn't have time for any relationship
    I had my first encounter with porn at age 9 (on my uncles phone) and by 11,I had my first phone and began downloading nude pics(my aunt caught me tho) age 14 i started puberty and had my first wet dreams and developed acne(affecting my self esteem and confidence).
    I got addicted to PMO at age 15 when I graduated from secondary school(what we call it here) and was home for a whole year so I masturbated 2-3 times a day to different porn videos.I enjoyed it a lot until it started having adveser effects on me but I didn't know(will discuss that later).at 18 I became a shadow of myself but didn't realise until it was too late..I didn't come to realise what I had done to myself till my aunty complain of how skinny and ugly I was one was then I stopped PMO easily for one year(few edges in between) and noticed little changes but later I went back to PMO and this time became worse till I stopped it last month..
    The adveser effect it has had on me
    -it stalled my growth a lot:I have very small feet and hands for a guy my height and friends even girls have mocked me a lot about it kos my siblings even the girls have bigger hands and feet than me..PMO didn't let me reach my potential growth(my bro is 5'11,sis 5'11,dad 5'10,mum 5'9 while am 5'8)...I know if I didn't PMO I would have been taller than I am now...
    -my face is so ugly,full of acne and scars,sunken cheeks,dull colour,dark circles around eyes and many others,this has made me look far older than my age and my friends have mocked me so much aboout it calling me names like (grand pa,ancestor,ancient of days) old friends see me now and ask what happened to me..I feel so disgusted that I hardly look in the mirror kos I feel so sad anytime I do..the super growing child became a zombie faced adult(am 23)

    -I am so skinny-i didn't develop and muscle in my arms or legs(my dad and bro are big and huge while am the opposite) while growing up..I look at my 15years old pic and compare it to now and I see nodifference in my muscle growth..this forced me into body building and I have seen little gains but still stunted bkos of excess PMO during the same period...I know if I didn't masturbate I would have developed a good mascular frame like my dad and bro and it hurts a lot

    -many others like I have patchy beards(even tho I started developing beards before my bro who is 5 years older but he has a viking kind of beards now but mine is still very thin and patchy) and so on..
    When I first started PMO was when I did a research and saw the effects and started noticing what I had done to myself..I have reduced my testosterone level throughout my puberty thus affect the growth of my body part causing it to fall.out of proportion and also deprived my body of vital nutrient from semen retention..most of this effect now it unreversible kos I have passed puberty stage and this makes me sad..I really wish someone had stopped and cautioned me about the damage I was about to do to myself..tho I have a beautiful girlfriend and I have gotten laid about 3 times but I still get depressed...I have been mocked a lot by girls I had feelings for kos of my appearance and this has killed my self esteem..even my own gf once told me"our child will only take you intelligence and nothing else" kos of my looks and appearance.she even crushes on taller and better looking guys ..I have cried many times kos of what I have done to myself..I feel like God has left me years ago..I feel useless in this I type this,tears are coming out of my eyes...I gave away my potential for just 30 seconds enjoyment..I am going to be depressed for the rest of my life..I sometimes feel like killing myself..I see kids outgrow me in masculinity and feel very sad...Girls hardly notice me and the only male friends I have are bkos we play football together
    Please dear teens and children PMO is very bad,don't listen to those stupid scientist stating its benefits..I have destroyed my life and there is nothing I can do again.I see my fellow male friends get girls all over them and get laid easily kos of how attractive they life is just full of sorrow and I think I am alive just to set an example...this is my story.
  2. Hello,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

    In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, StopSuicide maintains a list of online instant messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!
    Toni7, Breakthrough23 and r8js like this.

    SREENII Fapstronaut

    bro..i'm a person like body was very weak and people used to tease and tried to provoke me by making fun of my little brother is white fair..but i looked very dull with brown skin,acne and have deep under eye hollows which make my face always looks like dull,depressed and unhealthy..most of the times i didn't bothered this all..but when i want to go out, specifically when i look into mirror i loose full confidence and so i stay home itself..i masturbated everybtime when i got frustrated about thinking this and all..i compared my physique with women and become addicted to femdom stuffs..Now i'm on the path of recovery and i'm trying to find solution for all my problems
    Toni7 and SaiyanWarrior like this.
  4. Mr doctor

    Mr doctor Fapstronaut

    I am also having the same things u guys are having
  5. Mr doctor

    Mr doctor Fapstronaut

    I masturbated again after 75 days
    First time i had my first wet dream my erection are getting normal morning boners are coming but rarely but inside i Know i am healing so plz don't lose hope start exercising bring out the sweat it make u shaped and fine u will look good actually i am doing it and i Know one thing that i will heal myself oneday
    I WILL WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HEAL MYSELF from this fucking PMO my height is also not growing my posture is very bad veins are there too much in my hands legs but i have heal my self to enjoy real sex i i suffering from ED but i Know one day i will my self so plz don't lose hope we have to give it a try bcz we have nothing too lose GIVE IT A TRY MAN!
    SaiyanWarrior and SREENII like this.
  6. I’m sorry you feel this way, but things can only get better as you seek healing and learn more body awareness, your body is probably suffering from more than just hormone imbalance. Have you considered a diet change? You might be allergic to some foods you eat often or have an intestinal infection, which will effect everything. My body has gotten totally destroyed by parasites and Lyme but it took a long time to figure that out because they act like parasites don’t exist in the western world. Mosquitos carry all kinds of horrible diseases and parasites, plus if you are in Nigeria you might have encountered a genetically modified plasmodium they have introduced to African endemic areas to kill mosquitos, but god only knows how that can interact with other organisms genetically. I’m pretty sure a plasmodium is currently spreading globally that causes plants and animals to suffer lack of vitality, but doesn’t have clear enough symptoms to raise attention to itself.

    I have a compromised immune system so it’s manifested in all kinds of horrible ways. Some people have heard of my condition, it’s called morgellons but not well understood. Having done my own experimentation I’ve noticed it has all the qualities of an oomycete, or water mold, but bears bio markers that you will usually only find tagging morphogenetic lab organisms. I have seen this same organism infecting plants in my garden, growing in the soil, and proliferating in living insects, causing theM to behave abnormally.

    Just consider that this may not all be your fault and that you are just as loveable as anyone else. Start accepting yourself as a person needing healing and compassion, then start creating space in your thoughts for self care and health.
    Chevalblanc and SaiyanWarrior like this.
  7. BreakingBenjamin

    BreakingBenjamin Fapstronaut

    Go to Gym, Eat alot of healthy carbs and proteins, drink 2+ liters of water every day and dont masturbate too much. You`ll get bigger physically and have easier time with your facial skin :)
  8. SaiyanWarrior

    SaiyanWarrior Fapstronaut

    Bro I am currently having scabies and was pretty pissed off due to it. I'm in pain and misery right now. It is making my life and NoFap journey even harder but after reading your condition I can only say man that you are strong. You're facing even worse and still not giving up and continuing the nofap journey. Hats off to you man and to OP bro don't give up just hit the gym all will be fine. In some cases HGH and growth also happens till you're 30 years old.
  9. Ebuka12

    Ebuka12 Fapstronaut

    Hey Abdul I will like to get your number so I can learn more from you on how you manage to overcome this deadly act. Am also from Nigeria live in Lagos I have been faping for over 6 to 7 year still faping I have tried nofap for like two month then later I will go back to faping. I think the act is a spiritual thing because I have tough of killing myself too, my brother out grow me I Don look skinny but I Dont have a facial hair only a goaty underneath my jaw but my little bro am 3yrs ahead of has lots of facial hair I feel like am coursed sometimes I feel like I can't achieve, I should just give up but I love my life am a handsome guy even with the effect of fapping people still tell me am handsome Sometimes when I tried to stop I remembered that it will take a long time to be the way I want I just can't do it the recovery time is too long i pray sometimes that I will just wakeup with facial hairs, have enough confidence and have a muscle growth but it only happens in the dream. Pls Abdul text me with this number 08134805463I want to testify like you
  10. Stp890

    Stp890 Fapstronaut

    Hi bro sorry to hear that you are suffering,but don't loose hope,PMO causes many negative effects more dangerous than the effects you are suffering from,e.g PE,PIED,DE,zero/low libido,low self esteem,social anxiety, depression,brain fog,and dozens of others.all are reversible by rebooting and rewiring.
    1.constant research and getting educated about the effects of PMO on brain, porn addiction,neuroplasticity,sex education,human psychology,and psychiatry.
    Great resources for you are,
    12 step groups

    Yourbrainonporn by gary wilson
    Wack. By noah church on improving your self and focus on your life vision.

    The best solution is reading and researching

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