Masturbation = incapacity to handle female rejection / denial of rejection

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ultrafabber, Jan 19, 2019.

  1. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I think masturbation is a fundamental representation of the incapacity of a male to handle female rejection. . So basically masturbation is a denial of rejection. As long as you keep masturbating/touching yourself, you can't ever face reality and feel actual rejection.

    What happens when we masturbate and what do we like to think we are doing? We like to think and we somewhat feel we are with a woman, that we got the woman, even if in reality we did not. Even if in reality we get rejected often or we feel most women would not be interested in us (we would not get most women)

    Same thing happens in porn/erotica/instagram/sex fantasizing. You like that woman you see in porn, that woman you saw at the grocery shop etc? You masturbate and you "have her".

    No matter how many past, current or future rejections one gets, masturbation is immediately available as an (unhealthy and immature) coping mechanism, like a pacifier or thumb sucking for babies that don't have their mother breastfeeding them.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2019
  2. piggy.d

    piggy.d Fapstronaut

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    Great insight.
     
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  3. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, would you like to add some of your experience about it?
     
  4. piggy.d

    piggy.d Fapstronaut

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    Well, I think thats me. I think like a lot of young men, I was insecure with women, and had a deep fear of rejection. When I actually did get a women in bed, it was a huge rush...not from the sex, but from the physcology of her saying "yes". I admit most of these girls were unattractive. I also turned to prostitutes to avoid the rejection, and of course porn was a cheaper more convienant version of that. As things progress I even turned to men for sex at seedy places like porn thearters - no rejection there either. I think i was chasing the acceptance more than sexual release.
     
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  5. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, very interesting and I can relate. I used to go to prostitutes also.

    I think you perfectly described the feeling be "it was a huge rush...not from the sex, but from the physcology of her saying "yes"" which used to be somewhat of an obsession of mine and to some extent still is.

    It's like i don't expect a "yes" but a "no" and I keep trying to avoid the "no". Usually all my interactions with women assumed a "no" and I didn't ever take charge and lead, i was just very reactive. But I was always playing "catch-up", as if i'd try to counteract the assumed and already given "no"
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2019
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  6. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    I absolutely agree with you. I've had the opposite experience. The very last straw/push I got to quit masturbation for good was when I realized that females are interested in me. I started questioning that why am I masturbating when I could be with all these girls? It's like there's no need to masturbate when you realize that. So I understand many people masturbating even at an older age and I definitely know that having this makes it easier to abstain. I'm still a virgin and haven't been in a serious relationship. So I haven't approached any girls yet. The thing is, I'm not gonna approach girl who isn't visibly interested in me. If that girl isn't interested in me, there's one in the next room who will be.
     
  7. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I think you described a very healthy mindset when it comes to dating. A mindset I definitely lacked for a long time, as whenever I got rejected I felt I will continue to be rejected forever.
     
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  8. Mr R.R

    Mr R.R Fapstronaut

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    Great insight Man!!I can find myself in this sentences of yours.Yes and rejection is nightmare for people who pmo lot.I was rejected by a girl 4 years ago and still not out of her. Masturbation makes difficult to accept rejection.And the very first thing we masturbate is that we a avoid asking real girls out , due to fear of rejection.Fear of rejection is biggest fear I am facing and want to confront it.
     
  9. Isn't it just interesting what we ve become as men?
    We should be like fearless ,to us the women,dating and all that should be something very natural and simple to deal with.

    I mean ,I think women have the right to be more shy ,not the other way around.. (I hope you dont get me wrong here). We as men shouldn't have to deal with shyness and fear of rejection and similar stuff..

    We just need to find our real inner , the brave man inside us.

    We lost ourselves, and our BIGGEST task is to rediscover what means to be a man, a male , the opposite of a woman.

    I have a cousin which hes a real REAL man in my eyes. He doesnt PMO ,hes not shy with girls,and hes got some to even cry for him,because he didnt want to talk with them anymore. He talks, jokes with any girl ( even with the super hot ones) and hes gettin a lot of attention and respect in return.
    I'm on my way becoming like him. Hes younger than me and I have a lot to learn from him though.

    Since I dropped PMO I'm already doing much better with girls anyway,but I wanna reach that point where I just dont feel but one bit of shyness. That point where I can do whatever I want , and be myself without worrying on what they would say about me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2019
  10. savethedate

    savethedate Fapstronaut

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    Good one.
    But what should I do when my wife treats me like crap and I feel like crap? Do I leave the room? Read a book? My wife has the ability to demean me. Correct me, etc. it is a form of social rejection. What’s the treatment for joe I feel right now?
     
  11. payooli

    payooli Fapstronaut

    Recognize that you can't control other people's actions, you can only control your own thoughts and opinions about things, and your choices.

    It is quite freeing to let go of what you can't control. There's plenty to work on that is in your control, i.e. in your own head.
     
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  12. Xhiddy

    Xhiddy Fapstronaut

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    I agree. Masturbation is also a shortcut. In a video game, it would be some kind of a cheat code to achieve sexual release. You don't have to do any work at all. In my case I used masturbation and fantasy even though l had a woman present.
     
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  13. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    A cheat is a very good way of calling it actually. I used masturbation the same way as you, it got to the point where masturbation was the "real" sex
     
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  14. payooli

    payooli Fapstronaut

    Great analogy! But what you don't know when using the cheat code is that it is preventing you from leveling up to another place where the sex is way more rewarding. Just like @ultrafabber I used it even though I had a woman! Only by abstaining and getting some distance from the PM fantasy world was I able to begin to appreciate what I have.

    And I have only begun... I can't wait to see how much better it gets!
     
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  15. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the OP. It's definitely rewarding yourself with fake sex.
     
  16. Why would you go out and spend time, energy, and money to catch a healthy fish when you have junk food in the kitchen? No more junk food. It's not healthy.
     
  17. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    It was the exact opposite to me. When I was in a relationship, we would send each other pictures so we could satisfy ourselves thinking about the one we loved. Now that she is gone, I have no reason to do it.
     
  18. waltrilke

    waltrilke Fapstronaut

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    But how do you handle rejection for real?
     

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