Masturbation while in a relationship - is it okay?

[Psalm27:1my light]

my kids are still kids. My daughter is the oldest of 10. I want to make sure they know just how damaging it is. But an occasional exploration shouldn’t make you guilty or ashamed. I know without my guidance especially growing up in this culture it will be hard. Not sure what exactly to tell them. Is 1-2x a month okay as the newer research suggests? Or just try not to do it at all? What’s your insight?

It’s so hard to know. I agree about the study of the tribes who didn’t know what it was. But in our society kids are going to know what it is. Heck I discovered it on my own very young just climbing pole and orgasming! That being said, I just don’t know. I believe sex is a gift from God designing it for our pleasure and bonding. I think an honest talk about it and how it can be problematic is the way to go. Just like alcohol some can use in moderation, some can’t, but all of us can live without it.

 

[Sad_wife]

It’s so hard to know. I agree about the study of the tribes who didn’t know what it was. But in our society kids are going to know what it is. Heck I discovered it on my own very young just climbing pole and orgasming! That being said, I just don’t know. I believe sex is a gift from God designing it for our pleasure and bonding. I think an honest talk about it and how it can be problematic is the way to go. Just like alcohol some can use in moderation, some can’t, but all of us can live without it.

Thank you. I will discuss this and come up with a plan for talks. This whole experience has be so heartbreaking. I don’t think either of us were prepared or thought anything was wrong until he did P more than me.

 

[used19]

my kids are still kids. My daughter is the oldest of 10. I want to make sure they know just how damaging it is. But an occasional exploration shouldn’t make you guilty or ashamed. I know without my guidance especially growing up in this culture it will be hard. Not sure what exactly to tell them. Is 1-2x a month okay as the newer research suggests? Or just try not to do it at all? What’s your insight?

I am teaching my children it is not ok at all. That while physically it will not damage their body most of the time, that it is not good for their brain, their emotional health, the way they interact with people, and their relationships, be it current or future. My husband and I both agree, now that we’ve gone through this hell, that masturbation causes one to become so self-focused. Too inwardly focused on self-generated pleasure. Too focused on fantasy. In the context of a marriage, it takes what should be coming together, sharing something special only with each other, the opportunity to be giving, and turns it all inward. We’ve experienced first hand how it caused my husband to only think about himself and it slowly seeped out into the rest of his life and attitude towards me (why not go out to eat with his coworkers for lunch and never take me out? why not go be at church all day when I was lonely and wanted help with kids? why did I need to know where he would be on a work trip? why not go out and eat as many sweets as he wanted, I should love him no matter what he looked like., why not be extra friendly with female coworkers, he deserved all kinds of friends, why not for everything so long as he was happy, work relationships are important). We also want our kids to know that doing that over and over will prime them to be unable to successfully enter into a sexual relationship with their spouse. They’ll be so used to themselves, that it will be harder to be with and give to their spouse.

Everyone just focuses on whether or not it is physically damaging (and many of us have seen that it can be) but the general medical community says, oh it’s totally healthy. It’s good to have sexual release. They don’t speak to the damages it can have. They don’t speak to how it hurts relationships. They don’t speak to the selfishness. And they don’t speak to the emotional damage that happens to the future spouse/girlfriend/etc who feels they can’t measure up to a hand/vibrator/etc.

 

[Sad_wife]

I am teaching my children it is not ok at all. That while physically it will not damage their body most of the time, that it is not good for their brain, their emotional health, the way they interact with people, and their relationships, be it current or future. My husband and I both agree, now that we’ve gone through this hell, that masturbation causes one to become so self-focused. Too inwardly focused on self-generated pleasure. Too focused on fantasy. In the context of a marriage, it takes what should be coming together, sharing something special only with each other, the opportunity to be giving, and turns it all inward. We’ve experienced first hand how it caused my husband to only think about himself and it slowly seeped out into the rest of his life and attitude towards me (why not go out to eat with his coworkers for lunch and never take me out? why not go be at church all day when I was lonely and wanted help with kids? why did I need to know where he would be on a work trip? why not go out and eat as many sweets as he wanted, I should love him no matter what he looked like., why not be extra friendly with female coworkers, he deserved all kinds of friends, why not for everything so long as he was happy, work relationships are important). We also want our kids to know that doing that over and over will prime them to be unable to successfully enter into a sexual relationship with their spouse. They’ll be so used to themselves, that it will be harder to be with and give to their spouse.

Everyone just focuses on whether or not it is physically damaging (and many of us have seen that it can be) but the general medical community says, oh it’s totally healthy. It’s good to have sexual release. They don’t speak to the damages it can have. They don’t speak to how it hurts relationships. They don’t speak to the selfishness. And they don’t speak to the emotional damage that happens to the future spouse/girlfriend/etc who feels they can’t measure up to a hand/vibrator/etc.

I know what you say is truth. Still processing the damage I caused myself to myself and certainly added to the situation. This issue is multi layered on its effects. And even tho I know what I know now it’s going to be hard to 180 on how and what I planed on telling my kids. They already have impulse control issues due to our “on demand” culture which is everywhere! I can’t with society and what is just accepted as normal now. Not just P and M. But every aspect of life. I’m rethinking everything.

 

[used19]

I know what you say is truth. Still processing the damage I caused myself to myself and certainly added to the situation. This issue is multi layered on its effects. And even tho I know what I know now it’s going to be hard to 180 on how and what I planed on telling my kids. They already have impulse control issues due to our “on demand” culture which is everywhere! I can’t with society and what is just accepted as normal now. Not just P and M. But every aspect of life. I’m rethinking everything.

I get it. Right there with you. I have regrets as well. And am having similar parenting issues. We homeschool so we’ve buffered it some, but it’s still not enough. I often feel very helpless against this world that seems primed to mess them up (even with just having access to not questionable things). Becoming Amish is looking real tempting lately.

 

[+TenPercent]

Exploring yourself in puberty may be healthy. But kept to a minimum no more then once a week but 1-2x a month is what should be aimed for with no visual stimulation. That is when single.

Thank you all for replying to this issue and for discussing what is best for young people. I was raised with a lot of conflicting information (i.e. sex is okay and normal, but never talk about it). I think what young people need most is a healthy trustworthy person that they can talk to about masturbation. Someone who can say "you're not a bad person if you tried it, and maybe it's okay if you do it sometimes but know that it can be very damaging for all these reasons and it's probably best if you try to not do it at all."

Growing up I heard from other boys that 93% of guys masturbate . . . and the other 7% are lying. I was taught that it was healthy and normal to masturbate (but don't tell anyone). And I used to laugh at stories of Catholic nuns who would hit boys with rulers for masturbating or how the old Boy Scout manuals had a chapter instructing against masturbation. Now I wish I had gone to catholic school. I had no one to talk to about this. I had no one to guide me. I too had my first orgasm while climbing a pole as a child and I developed the masturbation habit very early on as a way to deal with a lot of baffling situations as an unguided adolescent.

in a relationship anyone taking care of themselves diminishes natural pheromones. Every time you or your partner flys solo your body sends signals that you got some. This depletes the pheromones put off to attract your partner’s attention. So it will affect the drive to have sex with your partner even in moderation.

This is also really helpful. I know that my partner has a vibrator somewhere in the house and she masturbates on occasion but . . . ever since I have stopped masturbating I get the sense that she has stopped as well. A few times she's told me that she hasn't been doing that, but it's also apparent from the, uh, quantifiable intensity of her orgasm, and of mine. Even if we are not talking about not masturbating, I think it is being communicated through non-verbal communication . . . and yes, possibly thorough pheromones as well. Actually, a couple of months ago, she told me she could tell that I really needed it . . . and I really did!

Currently I'm just over a hundred days without masturbating and it is paying off. My fiancé and I have been having sex regularly every one to two weeks which is what we've agreed that we both want. And that is much better than what was happening - sex every one to two months, sometimes three.

Thank you all for your posts and your insight. Every time I hear someone share (especially from women and from partners of addicts) that masturbation is harmful it helps to counter those old thoughts in my head that it is natural and normal and even healthy. You help to remind me that, at least for me, the goal should be no masturbation at all. As a compulsive masturbator, it is hard to fathom never doing it again, but I can abstain one day at a time with help from God and from people like you and if all goes well, I will be getting married soon with a fairly clean slate and at least some hope for a masturbation free marriage.

 

[Sad_wife]

Thank you all for replying to this issue and for discussing what is best for young people. I was raised with a lot of conflicting information (i.e. sex is okay and normal, but never talk about it). I think what young people need most is a healthy trustworthy person that they can talk to about masturbation. Someone who can say "you're not a bad person if you tried it, and maybe it's okay if you do it sometimes but know that it can be very damaging for all these reasons and it's probably best if you try to not do it at all."

Growing up I heard from other boys that 93% of guys masturbate . . . and the other 7% are lying. I was taught that it was healthy and normal to masturbate (but don't tell anyone). And I used to laugh at stories of Catholic nuns who would hit boys with rulers for masturbating or how the old Boy Scout manuals had a chapter instructing against masturbation. Now I wish I had gone to catholic school. I had no one to talk to about this. I had no one to guide me. I too had my first orgasm while climbing a pole as a child and I developed the masturbation habit very early on as a way to deal with a lot of baffling situations as an unguided adolescent.



This is also really helpful. I know that my partner has a vibrator somewhere in the house and she masturbates on occasion but . . . ever since I have stopped masturbating I get the sense that she has stopped as well. A few times she's told me that she hasn't been doing that, but it's also apparent from the, uh, quantifiable intensity of her orgasm, and of mine. Even if we are not talking about not masturbating, I think it is being communicated through non-verbal communication . . . and yes, possibly thorough pheromones as well. Actually, a couple of months ago, she told me she could tell that I really needed it . . . and I really did!

Currently I'm just over a hundred days without masturbating and it is paying off. My fiancé and I have been having sex regularly every one to two weeks which is what we've agreed that we both want. And that is much better than what was happening - sex every one to two months, sometimes three.

Thank you all for your posts and your insight. Every time I hear someone share (especially from women and from partners of addicts) that masturbation is harmful it helps to counter those old thoughts in my head that it is natural and normal and even healthy. You help to remind me that, at least for me, the goal should be no masturbation at all. As a compulsive masturbator, it is hard to fathom never doing it again, but I can abstain one day at a time with help from God and from people like you and if all goes well, I will be getting married soon with a fairly clean slate and at least some hope for a masturbation free marriage.

Thank you. My hope are this movement and information gets out there. Yeah. I think I already stated I am from the generation they taught it was okay. I was 100% desensitized. I’m almost glad in a lot of ways that my husband and I had this problem. I could do without the pain and rejection, but I had to have the talk with my daughter today. It went well. But way awkward. I told her of the dangers and said it’s best just not to and save yourself for your special person. She got it. But I told her about all the stuff they don’t teach you, well and to a certain extent we really didn’t know back then. I don’t think we are built to procreate with as many as we can. That’s a falsehood of the sex industry. Another Myth. Our pheromones work in conjunction with other hormones. We are not meant for empty dopamine just as much as we are not meant to eat refined sugars and fats. Think of Dopamine in the p or M form is like eating a doughnut. No nutritive value to your body and brain. However if you get it from the natural source (bonded sex) it goes in concert with Oxytocin and Serotonin. Both are strong hormones to bond, feel loved, safe and reinforces empathy and connection. Which is what you need for a tribal community and family unit to survive. That is how we were built. Dopamine alone is destructive. It gets in the way of even creating the others which we need for confidence, happiness and rational thinking.

im so glad you all are connecting. Do you think you will ever talk with her about all of this? My husband and I talked when he found my vibrator. That was a long time ago. And I threw it out. That was before I knew about his PA or that M was bad. But I’m glad I did. It hasn’t been that long for us but O is much more intense for me already. And it’s only been a week. He gave up P a little over a month ago. But his habit was nearly every day sometimes more or less for 12 years. He’s had short breaks. But he is confident knowing all this he will never do it again. We have a much higher drive. Every day is what we like. But we are trying to abstain for 7 day stints just to create more tension. It really works when you’re both trying not to together. I mean we fail, only gone 2 days. But the tension is there. And that’s the goal. It’s like a new game.

 

[+TenPercent]

Thank you for sharing your insight with me, and the community, and your daughter. It's inspiring to hear.
And it's always great to connect with another person who identifies with M addiction. I've been off P for almost 4 years now (can I say that? I've had four 5-20 minute porn slips since Jan 25, 2021) but I have always known that M was my deeper issue. I could live without porn, but it seemed I just had to masturbate.

I'm excited for you and your new found connection. I hope you continue to share your journey with us as weeks of no M for you and no P and M for your husband turns into months.

I am 50 and my soon to be wife is 44. Growing up I heard that women hit their sexual peak around 35 (and men around 18 or 21) but over the years I've heard more suggestion of women hitting their peak in their early forties. Sometimes I wonder why my fiancé is not more like Peggy Bundy in Married with Children.
Perhaps we will talk more about her masturbation . . . but I'm inclined to let her initiate that. I am without doubt that my M addiction is the biggest block to our having regular intimacy. I am still early in this process, 104 days of no M today, and already seeing very positive results. Maybe in time we will start having sex more than once a week . . . but for me, every orgasm from sex still triggers my M addiction, something that I did do every day.

I guess I will be reporting on the long term changes as well. I've been on NoFap since 2017 and haven't left yet.

 

[Sad_wife]

Thank you for sharing your insight with me, and the community, and your daughter. It's inspiring to hear.
And it's always great to connect with another person who identifies with M addiction. I've been off P for almost 4 years now (can I say that? I've had four 5-20 minute porn slips since Jan 25, 2021) but I have always known that M was my deeper issue. I could live without porn, but it seemed I just had to masturbate.

I'm excited for you and your new found connection. I hope you continue to share your journey with us as weeks of no M for you and no P and M for your husband turns into months.

I am 50 and my soon to be wife is 44. Growing up I heard that women hit their sexual peak around 35 (and men around 18 or 21) but over the years I've heard more suggestion of women hitting their peak in their early forties. Sometimes I wonder why my fiancé is not more like Peggy Bundy in Married with Children.
Perhaps we will talk more about her masturbation . . . but I'm inclined to let her initiate that. I am without doubt that my M addiction is the biggest block to our having regular intimacy. I am still early in this process, 104 days of no M today, and already seeing very positive results. Maybe in time we will start having sex more than once a week . . . but for me, every orgasm from sex still triggers my M addiction, something that I did do every day.

I guess I will be reporting on the long term changes as well. I've been on NoFap since 2017 and haven't left yet.

My goodness I can relate. I only noticed this recently since quitting M. Sex is a huge trigger.

So interesting fact about me. I have high testosterone for a female. I’m not sure if this was true before M, or if M caused the imbalance. But it has me wondering.

I also can live without P. But I am not unfamiliar. I have used it. Even within the past month. Feels good to admit. But It wasn’t my go to. M was always my problem just as you.

I also am concerned in O addiction. This is a recent musing. I gave up 10 years ago. Traditional Sex never felt good and other stimulation was a pain took way too long. Female delayed O. So I just gave up. When I met my husband it was the first time everything connected and worked! Freakin magical to have finally experienced the joy and pleasure that everyone else feels. That may have been a huge trigger. My husband is definitely an addiction to me. He is the only one that makes me feel like that. I have never experienced anything like it. M is nothing in comparison. But… I would still do it. Explain that. I can’t. I need my therapist to help unravel that. But I definitely can’t get enough now. Feeling I missed out for most of my life. I need to chill.

 

[+TenPercent]

So interesting fact about me. I have high testosterone for a female. I’m not sure if this was true before M, or if M caused the imbalance. But it has me wondering.

Interesting fact about me - I have extremely low testosterone, clinically low … but not doing T therapy. I think a lot of it is mental, and from excessive M. I have heard that M lowers T in men, and raises T in women.

You have great self awareness. Making up for lost time … but also recognizing the need to step back a little. For me I’ve already had more than my share of M and O’s. Now I’m trying to focus on quality and intimacy.

 

[Sad_wife]

Interesting fact about me - I have extremely low testosterone, clinically low … but not doing T therapy. I think a lot of it is mental, and from excessive M. I have heard that M lowers T in men, and raises T in women.

You have great self awareness. Making up for lost time … but also recognizing the need to step back a little. For me I’ve already had more than my share of M and O’s. Now I’m trying to focus on quality and intimacy.

Wow. I have 3 kids. But those were extremely hard to get as I had infertility due to hight T (PCOS). My mind is blown. I am the reason for all my troubles. I can’t believe my husbands PA would reveal so many of my own problems. I believe that this situation actually made us closer and more vulnerable with each other.

onto Quality. I’m am so happy that’s where you are at. You are an inspiration. I’m going to have to reflect on that.

 

[oretna]

Masturbation is never ok.

 

[+TenPercent]

Wow. I have 3 kids. But those were extremely hard to get as I had infertility due to hight T (PCOS). My mind is blown. I am the reason for all my troubles. I can’t believe my husbands PA would reveal so many of my own problems. I believe that this situation actually made us closer and more vulnerable with each other.

onto Quality. I’m am so happy that’s where you are at. You are an inspiration. I’m going to have to reflect on that.

That’s almost ironic … I have no kids, and possible fertility issues related to low T (low sperm count, poor motility and small penis) - I got in the medical system and they really ran me through the gauntlet - even genetics testing!

I started to M frequently as a teenager to avoid some very embarrassing situations that were happening during sporting competitions. Before long it was a daily habit and my “cure all” for any stress, fear or emotional pain.

The Brits call a guy who M’s too much a wanker - and it is very much a disparaging term. The Aussies call a guy who ‘flips’ too much a flipwreck.

Ominous warnings that I failed to heed.

Can’t do much about that now other than make positive changes moving forward. I’m grateful for almost 4 years free from porn and for the support of the NoFap community.

 

[Sad_wife]

That’s almost ironic … I have no kids, and possible fertility issues related to low T (low sperm count, poor motility and small penis) - I got in the medical system and they really ran me through the gauntlet - even genetics testing!

I started to M frequently as a teenager to avoid some very embarrassing situations that were happening during sporting competitions. Before long it was a daily habit and my “cure all” for any stress, fear or emotional pain.

The Brits call a guy who M’s too much a wanker - and it is very much a disparaging term. The Aussies call a guy who ‘flips’ too much a flipwreck.

Ominous warnings that I failed to heed.

Can’t do much about that now other than make positive changes moving forward. I’m grateful for almost 4 years free from porn and for the support of the NoFap community.

How is not M entirely going. P free is a great and huge step. Congrats!

 

[+TenPercent]

How is not M entirely going.

Not doing M is going very well and poorly

I have not masturbated to orgasm (so, full M, or MO) for 106 days. This has really had a positive impact on my relationship with my fiancé. We've been together for a long time and sex was becoming very infrequent. Once every month or two . . . or three. Now it's every week or two. We talk more about sex and I'm more motivated to initiate sex now that I am not masturbating.
Also, of note, is accountability. My main goals are not masturbating and having more frequent intimacy with my fiancé. Sharing on these forums and especially working with my AP help keep me on track with that second goal. Sometimes it's almost easier for me to be asexual or to not O at all and so it can be easy to let one weekend after another slip by without having sex. Plus, having an O from sex triggers deep urges to M. Almost right away! That sounds counter intuitive to some people but as an M addict, any time I have an O, I just want another O soon after and I'm hardwired to crave M when I am craving an O. So . . . sometimes it's easier to just avoid sex . . . but accountability helps to keep me on track with initiating sex with my fiancé . . . and everybody is happier.

How it is going poorly is with edging which is, basically, masturbation . . . just without doing it to orgasm. I still struggle with that a lot.

I still have a lot of work to do. Not doing MO is helping to ensure that my M addiction isn't adversely affecting my relationship. But the edging might still have an affect. I'm sure it does. Like you said, perhaps I'm giving off pheromones. Or, maybe since I don't do it to O, then maybe it's building up for better sex?? Maybe. But that's still not an excuse. It would be better if my build up to sex with done with my partner than on my own and with fantasy.

 

[Sad_wife]

Not doing M is going very well and poorly

I have not masturbated to orgasm (so, full M, or MO) for 106 days. This has really had a positive impact on my relationship with my fiancé. We've been together for a long time and sex was becoming very infrequent. Once every month or two . . . or three. Now it's every week or two. We talk more about sex and I'm more motivated to initiate sex now that I am not masturbating.
Also, of note, is accountability. My main goals are not masturbating and having more frequent intimacy with my fiancé. Sharing on these forums and especially working with my AP help keep me on track with that second goal. Sometimes it's almost easier for me to be asexual or to not O at all and so it can be easy to let one weekend after another slip by without having sex. Plus, having an O from sex triggers deep urges to M. Almost right away! That sounds counter intuitive to some people but as an M addict, any time I have an O, I just want another O soon after and I'm hardwired to crave M when I am craving an O. So . . . sometimes it's easier to just avoid sex . . . but accountability helps to keep me on track with initiating sex with my fiancé . . . and everybody is happier.

How it is going poorly is with edging which is, basically, masturbation . . . just without doing it to orgasm. I still struggle with that a lot.

I still have a lot of work to do. Not doing MO is helping to ensure that my M addiction isn't adversely affecting my relationship. But the edging might still have an affect. I'm sure it does. Like you said, perhaps I'm giving off pheromones. Or, maybe since I don't do it to O, then maybe it's building up for better sex?? Maybe. But that's still not an excuse. It would be better if my build up to sex with done with my partner than on my own and with fantasy.

The newest research shows edging is worse. It wires you brain to the highest peak of dopamine. Right before O. After completing it drops. But never completing makes you crave that elongation of the peak dopamine. I’m sure now you know this it makes sense this is still a thing you can’t quit. Good luck with it. You are making good progress.

 

[+TenPercent]

The newest research shows edging is worse. It wires you brain to the highest peak of dopamine. Right before O. After completing it drops. But never completing makes you crave that elongation of the peak dopamine. I’m sure now you know this it makes sense this is still a thing you can’t quit. Good luck with it. You are making good progress.

I really need to stop edging. I can do it for an hour a day if I’m not careful.
It has to stop! I need a withdrawal. A cleanse. And I need help.
Getting married very very soon. Part of me doesn’t want to be in sexual withdrawal going into this … or on the honeymoon!
So maybe immediately after the honeymoon?? Or maybe starting today. One day at a time. I feel I really need a detox - from edging, food and electronic devices …

I love that you see your part, have discovered that you are an M addict and have drawn a clear line in the sand. It’s great that you are supporting your husband in this. He is lucky. And the blacklight semen detection method is great. I need that kind of accountability.

I will talk to my AP about this. I’m sure she can help. But I need you guys, too.

Please! Any encouragement to not M and to not edge would be most welcome at this time. I’m on day 111 of no MO, but only day 1 of not edging. Just aiming to end this night without edging, thank my higher power, and then try to do it again tomorrow.

 

[HeartOfTheOak]

Hi 10%, seems to me like you are trying to strike some kind of deal. Going 100% can be more beneficial to you. No compromises. Only full commitment to no PMO. No porn, no masturbation, no orgasm. It is simple this way, not easy, but simple. It is impossible to trick addiction, it will always trick you. When you are trying to bargain with it, you can be sure it is playing games with you.

 

[Sad_wife]

I really need to stop edging. I can do it for an hour a day if I’m not careful.
It has to stop! I need a withdrawal. A cleanse. And I need help.
Getting married very very soon. Part of me doesn’t want to be in sexual withdrawal going into this … or on the honeymoon!
So maybe immediately after the honeymoon?? Or maybe starting today. One day at a time. I feel I really need a detox - from edging, food and electronic devices …

I love that you see your part, have discovered that you are an M addict and have drawn a clear line in the sand. It’s great that you are supporting your husband in this. He is lucky. And the blacklight semen detection method is great. I need that kind of accountability.

I will talk to my AP about this. I’m sure she can help. But I need you guys, too.

Please! Any encouragement to not M and to not edge would be most welcome at this time. I’m on day 111 of no MO, but only day 1 of not edging. Just aiming to end this night without edging, thank my higher power, and then try to do it again tomorrow.

I really need to stop edging. I can do it for an hour a day if I’m not careful.
It has to stop! I need a withdrawal. A cleanse. And I need help.
Getting married very very soon. Part of me doesn’t want to be in sexual withdrawal going into this … or on the honeymoon!
So maybe immediately after the honeymoon?? Or maybe starting today. One day at a time. I feel I really need a detox - from edging, food and electronic devices …

I love that you see your part, have discovered that you are an M addict and have drawn a clear line in the sand. It’s great that you are supporting your husband in this. He is lucky. And the blacklight semen detection method is great. I need that kind of accountability.

I will talk to my AP about this. I’m sure she can help. But I need you guys, too.

Please! Any encouragement to not M and to not edge would be most welcome at this time. I’m on day 111 of no MO, but only day 1 of not edging. Just aiming to end this night without edging, thank my higher power, and then try to do it again tomorrow.

Edging does a number on dopamine for sure. You keep dopamine at its peek when you edge. All the while thinking you are doing better because no O. It will be hard. Terrible timing. I would give your all to your wife for your honeymoon if you can. Mine was a month long. We had sex 5 times. I knew there was something wrong. BTW my husband cried and said he ruined our wedding night and honeymoon. He regrets not stopping months before. I highly encourage you to stop. Your wife surely deserves all of you. Not just scraps,

 

[+TenPercent]

Edging does a number on dopamine for sure. You keep dopamine at its peek when you edge. All the while thinking you are doing better because no O. It will be hard. Terrible timing. I would give your all to your wife for your honeymoon if you can. Mine was a month long. We had sex 5 times. I knew there was something wrong. BTW my husband cried and said he ruined our wedding night and honeymoon. He regrets not stopping months before. I highly encourage you to stop. Your wife surely deserves all of you. Not just scraps,

Thank you for this. I really need to hear that.
Just to drive it home, I googled “is edging bad for you” … and found article after article that promoted edging and saying it was good for you and did no harm whatsoever to your body!!
It almost sent me, okay it did send me down a rabbit hole
But I didn’t edge. Day 2 today. And deep down I know the truth. Even when I don’t MO, I can start avoiding sex … so that my edging will be more enjoyable. That’s the brutal truth. And at a time like this, I run headlong into escapism and fantasy … and then I’m not present. Not present for my fiancé and not present for this very special time (and very stressful!) in our lives

Thank you @Sadwife you have really helped me to get some much needed clarity on my addiction.