Masturbation with Other People

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Jun 6, 2019.


    I do not have a high self esteem or self respect for myself and part of it is because of my porn/sex addiction. I do not think I am very good looking even though I consider myself to be in the best shape of my life and I do not believe I am the most confident person especially around women even though I am married.

    I would frequently cruise reddit and kik for a “Jobud” or “joGal” which is basically a jerk off bud or gal to masturbate with and-or do more. Mostly it was local guys from reddit who I would meet up with and watch porn and masturbate with at their place discreetly and then leave. Always feeling safer (discreeter) and better with a married guy, and sometimes more sexual activity would happen with a few.

    A couple of times with women, one was a lesbian and wanted no sex at all, just someone to masturbate with while watching porn. Another woman I met at my gym and told her I was married. We had chemistry and constantly flirting about and other interests, After a workout I pushed the limit to ask her if I could shower at her place and “hangout” to which my she accepted. As soon as I entered her place I asked if she wanted to shower with me to which she accepted, and I kept forcing her away just wanting to masturbate with her feeling like this wasn’t cheating and I explained what I wanted and she was accepting of this joGal relationship. A few other times I would go over and take a shower and we would masturbate, and then dry off and cuddle, watch tv, and then dry hump, oral pleasure from both of us, but never have actual intercourse. She cut me off thankfully, saying that I was married but I think she felt weird by all of this.

    Another woman was someone I worked with (thankfully she quit) we would flirt over and over and would talk about if we didn’t have partners how perfect we would be and how sex would be, so I proposed watching porn at her place after work one day and she agreed. We did a lot more like dry hump, make out, and she would verbally berate me about my manhood and not wanting to have sex. After we both had an orgasm I could tell she had an instant regret about doing this. We talked about a few days later and she said we would move on from it but we were never the same. She didn’t quit because of me, it was awkward but we did put it behind us.

    I do not know why I had this compulsion to have a masturbation partner like it was no big deal. Maybe it was a way to not feel alone in this act, and explaining it to women and mentioning I’m married was a cop out. Each time I did feel Shameful, no by the acts but because I am married.
  2. Pepezapallito

    Pepezapallito Fapstronaut

    Una mezcla de placer y culpa. Mucha confusión amigo. Lo único que quieres es llevarte bien contigo mismo. Deja de buscar la felicidad a través del placer sexual. Un abrazo!
    Jag Hyde likes this.
  3. You likely felt that way because no matter the form it is still cheating.
    DiFaaprio likes this.
  4. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    You cheated man.
    captainteemo likes this.
  5. NikNakZombieWhack

    NikNakZombieWhack Fapstronaut

    Hundo, this is cheating. Hell, I'd even say the level of flirting you're describing is a form of cheating, but then to masturbate with, make out with, cuddle with, and exchange oral sex with all super confirms it.
  6. Thanks for confirming that fellas, I completely agree and I’m sorry if I made it seem like I want to know if I was by doing all of this. I was really posting this because I want to know why I had this compulsion to do this behavior so frequently. I know it all started with porn, and watching porn with guys then with women. I do feel shameful for cheating 100 percent, ad there is no excuse, but I know that I want to stop and I do not want to have porn lead me back to this kind of behavior.
    User number one likes this.
  7. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

    OK, so now you've made at least two good decisions: one, wanting to stop, and two, being here. Go make some more good decisions.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Abstain from pornography and any other related activity. All your passion should go to your wife, not some other person.
    Deleted Account likes this.

  9. Thank you fellas, just the motivation and assurance I needed. Very much appreciated
  10. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

    If you don't mind me asking, does your wife know about any of this? Although it's none of my business, please bear with me a minute ... I found it extremely hard telling my girlfriend (who I'd just got with at the time) about my addiction, and every time since when I've had to tell her about relapses, I've felt like I've let her down and betrayed her in some way; but, and it's a big but, I would never have made it this far without her support and encouragement, and frankly I would have been crushed by the guilt of keeping it from her.

    Now, obviously I was lucky enough to have a very understanding girl in my life, but in my experience telling your partner/spouse/BF/GF can really really really help with fighting the addiction. A big part of what drives us back to PMO over and over again is the shame and guilt we bear from it, and a big part of that shame can be taken away by telling the person closest to you; shame feeds on secrecy, sin feeds on secrecy, addiction feeds on secrecy. That's why we have accountability partners, that's why we have these forums; secrecy is possibly your biggest enemy when it comes to fighting addiction.

    Again, sorry if I strayed too far out of my own business there, but that's my tuppence worth on how to be successful in this fight.

  11. No, my wife does not know about this, and if I told her it would be the end of us. She is a serial monogamist. And you are absolutely right, there have been many sleepless nights the guilt and anxiety has eaten me up and put me into such a horrible feeling where I have told my friends some of the things I have done just to feel like I cleared my conscience and feel better but yet I still continued the same type of behavior.

    I will feel better airing out everything and taking accountably to move on for good on here because I have to live with the regret of what I done, and I can’t undo it. Now I have to move past it and not return to that behavior and I hope other people can read and learn and not follow on a path similar to mine. Secrecy is the biggest addiction because I have been doing everything in secret. Lying to other people and hurting them emotionally and that’s not right and or fair.

    Thank you for response @Lakeside. Truly appreciative

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