Maybe I’ve screwed up?

last night I ended up drinking out of sheer boredom and watched P on my phone for the first time in 57 days. I didn’t edge or anything like that, just watched for about 20 mins.
I’ve now poured all alcohol down the the drain as I don’t want it to happen again.

The reason I’m doing nofap is because I suffer with pied and I’m 33 and never been in a proper relationship due to it.

I can feel the progress I’ve made both mentally and physically over these past 57 days as morning wood is returning and my anxiety is reduced.

Would I have unwired my brain during those 20 weak minutes of just watching P? I didn’t O or edge, just pathetically watched for 20 mins. I hope those 57 days haven’t been wasted.

 

Thank you to all who have replied, I really appreciate it!

I’m not putting it down as a relapse, I’ve relapsed before and felt so low to the point I could’ve cried, the low mood was horrendous. When I did relapse I MO to P but this time I didn’t even touch myself.

If I can take any positive from it is that my penis got rock hard and without even touching it and I could feel the sensitivity pulsing through it which is something that has not happened for a very long time! YEARS! I used to wank with less than 50% erection, but last night it was 100% hard without even touching it.
And the alcohol is down the drain and i won’t be buying anymore.


I know all that will sound very hypocritical but I’m taking a small positive from it.

Thankfully I haven’t slipped into the depressive state that I’ve felt when I’ve relapsed in the past and binged all day.

My morning wood is returning and my anxiety is starting to fade. I’ve also been going on walks on weekends with a girl I really like so hopefully that is helping with some sort of rewiring and hopefully I’ll pluck up the courage to kiss her next weekend which is something I’m sure she won’t object to.

I’m just so pleased I didn’t start touching myself and O’d.

Maybe what happened last night was the kick up the arse I needed to see how far I’ve come and how easy I could fuck it all up.

I’m by no means out of the woods yet, but I’m happy with my progress so far.

I suffered a horrendous flatline around 3 weeks ago where I was severely anxious and depressed but that started to lift sometime last week and now I’m feeling content with myself.

Like I said earlier,I’m by no means out of the woods yet, but for the first time since I started nofap in July 2020 I’m actually feeling good about myself.

This is my longest streak, I’ve had streaks ranging from 50 days, 30 days, a week here and there and a couple of days here and there to my present streak of today which is 57 days and counting! Each of those streaks were ended by me wanking to the point of O.

Please don’t think I’m a dick and getting too far ahead of myself as that is not my intention. I just feel like I’m finally on the right path after being so fucked for many years.

Thank you sincerely for your replies, I truly appreciate the time you took to offer your advice in which ive fully took on board!

Thanks!

Quick edit.
Working out and taking cold showers really do help!