Maybe I should kill myself

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TronPie, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. TronPie

    TronPie Fapstronaut

    I’m tired. Haven’t stayed off P for at least 7 days because I’ve tried but can’t. I’m tired. I’ve tried so much, I don’t know what kinda therapy I need but I am sincerely fed up of myself and disgusted and every other thing. Everyday I wake with thoughts that I had PMO the prev night and how sad that makes me. Nobody knows how much I’m struggling with this. It kills me inside. It breaks me apart.
  2. TronPie

    TronPie Fapstronaut

    I’ve tried abstaining for at least 7 days for over 6/7 months now and all to no avail. I don’t know what to do! I deleted
    blacklabel92 and Moatasem like this.
  3. Angel29

    Angel29 Fapstronaut

    I know what it feels like because I've been in the same situation but what I've learned is that sometimes we have to get to the bottom to really make a change in our life. Porn and masturbation steal our life, our dreams, everything. It feels like we don't have control of ourselves but there is hope. We are all in the same boat. Stay strong. To change your life only depends on you.
  4. Ynith..07

    Ynith..07 Fapstronaut

    Don't worry you can do it.
    You just need to be free from pmo for 21 days and then it won't distract or get thoughts. You don't count these NoFap days you remember the day you started if it is Sunday remember like 1st sunday,
    2nd Sunday,....
    You need to be free from everything which makes you to think of it. Just enjoy your day by making yourself busy You can do it dude be optimistic.
  5. TronPie

    TronPie Fapstronaut

    I’m just so sad. I woke up today feeling too bad. I never want to wake up feeling this way again. It breaks me
    Rosamund, Overforme and blacklabel92 like this.
  6. TronPie

    TronPie Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much. The longest I’ve ever done is 54 days & ever since i can’t even go 7 days +
    I don’t know what to do and I have no access to therapy as I wish to have
    blacklabel92 and Ynith..07 like this.
  7. Mauritius

    Mauritius Fapstronaut

    Have you tried blocking porn?
    Have you identified your triggers and tried to cut then off?
    Have you noticed any behavioural patterns that lead to relapse?
    Have you tried journalling?

    Clearly something worked for your 54 days, so try to replicate those. And then something went wrong on the 54th day, so try to prevent that from happening. Sometimes our recovery warrants tough decisions, and do not hesitate to take them. (For eg, instagram was a huge trigger for me, so I had to delete my account, block it on both my phone and computer, and make the blocker uninstallable by making my friend set the password.)

    This road to recovery requires much more than sheer will, and you have to prepare a strategy of your own, to defeat your addictions. I was in a very hopeless situation similar to you. But I overcame the difficulties, and am now in the path to progress. If I can do it, you can do it too.

  8. Survival 3 Man

    Survival 3 Man Fapstronaut

    If I was you I would start journaling because later in your journey you look back at the ugly truth of pmo. I have hit rock bottom aswell but dont let sin defeat you keep your faith it will payoff. This is how you become more resilient. God bless you.
  9. TronPie

    TronPie Fapstronaut

    Sincerely, 90% of P I consume is off Twitter. In my 54 day streak, I got rid of it & didn’t use it for a while because it’s the number 1 source of my urges. Also, a girl was one of my reasons for sticking by it so long. I had talked to her about my addiction & she motivated me. Sadly I lost that willpower, I hated myself afterwards. I got rid of my burner Twitter account & deleted the app for 6 months but I still accessed it on the website without having to sign in. It feels like I’m a fool when I type these things because it is me who does this. I haven’t tried journaling & also I figured staying up late is a huge trigger for me. Urges surge so bad. I had a good couple of days when I went to bed early & didnt PMO on these days. I just want to notice progress with abstaining this addiction and fix it. It breaks me
    Mauritius, blacklabel92 and Ynith..07 like this.
  10. TronPie

    TronPie Fapstronaut

    How do you mean “journaling”? And I know it’s ugly, it’s a disgusting habit yet I find myself doing this. Time I could use to do much better things, I have so much ongoing that require me to work super hard and be super productive but I don’t know. I don’t know if I can anymore
    FX-05 and blacklabel92 like this.
  11. When I can't begin a streak, I try to change something in my life. It can be something simple, buying a new book, begining a new videogame... something that you are able to enjoy. This usually changes my routine and I think less in P. Then, when I've been a couple of days without PMO, I'm in a better mode to fight against the drug.

    And please don't blame yourself so hard, you aren't hurting anybody. Being kind with yourself after a relapse is very important if we want to learn something from it. Those bad feelings after a relapse are a huge trigger in order to relapse again.
  12. greatchinaski

    greatchinaski Fapstronaut

    Connection is what you need. Don't worry about what specific therapy you need. Just get whatever kind of therapy is available. If you don't have an accountability partner you can DM me. I was suicidal for many years and PMO only made things worse. I'm doing much better now and have a good period of abstinence. Reach out. Addiction thrives in isolation.
  13. Warwick

    Warwick Fapstronaut

    If you are feeling really down, there may be phone help lines/counselling available.
    TronPie, blacklabel92 and Ynith..07 like this.
  14. Ynith..07

    Ynith..07 Fapstronaut

    Oh wow you did it for 54 days then definitely you can do it.
    Did you observed yourself during your journey?
    Did you noticed anything good or anything you wish to after quitting nofap for 54 days?
    If yes then you identify those points and be positive you will be back on the race track again
    TronPie and blacklabel92 like this.
  15. Agent 6

    Agent 6 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Friend, @TronPie

    I have read your comments. I understand what you’re going through and the best part about this place is that we all understand. I will be short but punctual and offer my perspective in hopes of assisting you.

    You said you went 54 days. That right there is a FACT that you HAVE and CAN abstain from PMO. If you did it once, you CAN do it again.

    What happens psychologically when you PMO is this ‘cycle’:


    You get really caught up in the guilt and shame part of the cycle which is destructive in nature and causes your negative thoughts.

    This is a journey so just understand that you may not have that flawless victory immediately, and THAT IS OK. All professional athletes were not born immediately a pro.
    (How to start)

    Time to put in the work, friend.
    I am confident that every person here has their own way of abstaining. Be it tricks, tips, blockers, etc... but it just comes down to discipline, friend. How bad do you want to change?

    You are limitless

  16. hope2overcome_

    hope2overcome_ Fapstronaut

    Have you tried getting a girlfriend? Getting girls in general for sex? Not escorts?

    If not then you dont need therapy on how to stop porn but need guidance on how to get over obstacles to meet women.
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  17. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

    Kills me to hear your going through that bro. Its not the end. I promise you, the struggle is real and its apart of your will to live your life to the fullest. Don't give up pls. Its easy to get sympathy in this world. Harder to get the real thing we need though which is tough love. This world isn't built for quitters, the weak get taken. So keep fighting, this is the real invisible enemy, yourself. Find out who you really are, and what you want. Realize that your in control not the other guy. Self control is key. Know that your big head is driving not the small head. Take back control of your life.
    TronPie, Rosamund, Agent 6 and 2 others like this.
  18. Traveller221

    Traveller221 Fapstronaut

    The easiest thing for you would be a program several months long. As one of the last guys said, "how bad do you want it"?
    I can tell you from experience a program is easier if its the right one cause you have no temptation around you and you get to take your mind off it and yourself. Your surrounded by other guys going through the same thing. They're a lot of addiction programs out there. We've become a country of addicts.
    You need a digital detox as much as a pmo one. You need a you detox. And it sounds like you need the emotional support of fellowship. You need to prove to yourself how serious you are about this. is a good one. I went to because i had no money. They're like teen challenge which is a mens program for addicts but I'd recommend pure life.
  19. post writer

    post writer New Fapstronaut

    I am sorry that you're feeling so bad. Let me offer some advice.

    You're probably a pretty logical guy, right? So here's some logic for you.

    You don't want to be addicted to porn, right?
    And you keep using it anyway right?
    And you try to abstain, but fail, right?

    So... why be ashamed? Shame doesn't belong there. Shame is for when you do something malevolent. Shame is for when you do something that you CAN control COMPLETELY, and you hurt someone when you could have simply not hurt them.

    What you're doing is STRUGGLING TO IMPROVE. You're not a bad person for failing, you're just a human. Make no mistake: I'm not dismissing your sadness. I'm not saying "you have no right to be sad! Everything is sunshine and roses! Just go live life :)!!!" No. On the contrary, I'm saying this: have some self-compassion. Not the fruity, fluffy, flowery self-compassion from Instagram motivation memes. I mean real, logical self-compassion: you're a human who, understandably, wants a good life for himself. You didn't ask to be addicted to porn. Whatever process got you addicted, you didn't understand while it was happening. If you could have stopped it earlier, you would have. Now you find yourself struggling and you wish this were not the case. But it is the case. It's not your fault, but you're here now. Don't curse the guy who PMOs and leaves you waking up suicidal. Believe it or not, you guys are on the same team. Talk to him (your "other self"), try to understand him. Don't hate him; he doesn't hate you. You're in a situation and there are a number of solutions, and one very specific solution will present itself to you after a series of trials and errors, explorations and discoveries. You have time. One day you will have less time, but you do have plenty of time. There is urgency but not so much urgency that you can't take a breath and try something new today.

    Take the pressure off for a week. One week. Forget all the articles saying, "if you binge, then you're REALLY fucking yourself!" Just have a fucking week where porn is not the devil, and where, if you indulge, it's not because you're some weak deviant--you're just a human and you need to take a fucking breath. Address something else for a week. Clean your bathroom. Respond to an e-mail that you've been putting off. Write out a workout plan.

    Remember, you're not up against yourself. You're on the same team as you. Extend an olive branch to yourself, take a breath, and try to think of what approach you will take next. If that approach doesn't work, try something different.
    FX-05, TronPie, Mauritius and 2 others like this.
  20. Please don't make PMO the center of your life. You need something more to live for. Please consider that the light of creation is Jesus Christ and in him, your sins can be forgiven and your burdens lifted. Notice I did not say a magical way to get the power to abstain from sin, but the guarantee of forgiveness.
    FX-05 and TronPie like this.

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