Maybe suicide is the best choice.

Dude, if you've struggling a lot, I would be tickled to be your accountability partner, if you feel that you might need someone to help you though these things, and, you seem really awesome, and honestly, if you feel bad about being atheist, here's something my friend said: If god existed, bad things wouldn't happen. (If there are religious people here, please ignore my comment). God cannot help you, but we will, I am with you every step of the way.

 

Have you ever seen Moana?

 

I have a song that I need you to listen to, word for word, you'll thank me later, LISTEN!

 

Dude, I don't even know your real name, but I don't care. I love you, and I would consider you to be a friend, I promise you, I went through something very similar to what you went through, and seeing you PUSH through everyday, has given me some extra motivation to keep going to! You will look back on this day, you'll be happier than ever, and you will cry tears of joy, because you DESERVE it! I LOVE you, man! Leave porn behind, you can do it!

 

You can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it!!!

 

Dude, you've been in your addiction for 2 years, and already wanna kill yourself. Seriously? I've been struggling with this shit for 2/3 of my life. Most people here have been stuck with it for dacades. I don't remember what it feels like to look at girls, not willing to fuck them (or despise them if they're ugly). My entire life was about sex drive. I had no major goals in life. I only wanted to sleep with beautiful girls. As a result I had to wait 25 years before I found a girl reckless enough to agree to have sex with me. And I wasn't fat, or ugly, or anything. Just fucked up internally by the mental sickness transmitted by porn. I felt like dying many times. I had anxiety, went to multiple therapists, and took medications to calm myself down. For the entire time I knew I was addicted to PMO, but was unaware, that most of these bad things emerge from it. You're in a perfect situation to change your life, cause relatively the effects of porn haven't influenced your brain very much. And you already know that porn is responsible for your shit. I was not. I wish I was that lucky to have reached a forum like this when I was in the very beginning of addiction. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy for you. It's never been easy, but you've got a greater chance to get rid of this shit faster, and more pernamently. Just read the forum. Follow guys who succeded, and don't give up. This is gonna take a long time, and you're gonna relapse multiple times before you learn the proper approach. But you will. Just hold on tight, and fight like man. You'll be surprised how much of a man you'll actually become at the end of your journey.

 

Will you please explain the song for me? Actually, I don't understand English songs.

 

If your still having doubts; I can give you a few paragraphs page of how my middle school and high school years went. How many times I've wanted to say I'm done; when's this life going to light up? I was heavily bullied in middle school being punched, assaulted, etc. I'll let you know one kid hated me for no reason at all. Up until Junior Year this continued to happen. Then I saw light and happiness at the end of the tunnel. My 20's were the best years of my life of course some were hopeless and doubtful. You will have good and bad days, but question is do you want to waste your energy on the bad?

You can either make your life heavenly or in despair.
If your home schooled right now be as happy as you can be.I would of given my soul to be home schooled to get away from the constant look around the corner in the halls at my school. Also if your atheist that is all up to you. Your brother can be offended but is it offending you for what you believe in? You have the mind to think so.

 

Oh I see...Thank you

 

Nothing gives me suicidal ideation like pornography and masturbation. Suicide seems the safest and most thorough solution. If you want somebody to care, keep bitching, keep venting, but keep grinding. The better you are, the harder life gets, but the better you make the world.

I can't fucking fix you, buddy. How I wish I could. How I wish I could just fix my fucked up family. How I wish I could yell at my acquaintances and get them to fix their fucking lives. I can't. I am slowly getting over that.

Bro, as Bishop Fulton J. Sheen said, people who do not live how they think often end up thinking how they live. I'm not going to approach you from that angle. I will approach you from what worked for me and for the people I talked to who were going through deep shit.

I had two intrusive thoughts about suicide today. Praise God it wasn't 20-50 times a day like it was a few years ago. I'm not going to tell you I know what you've been through, I'm not you. I hope some resources might help you since even suicidal thoughts, when used for seeing the good, can inspire progress and help you get out of the rut where you are.

Emotions are just reflexes of the body. Reflexes are how we begin to face something.

I've had the compulsion be stronger than I for about half my life, and only through finding good community on my terms have I made even a 5 day streak.

Please keep at it.

 

I used to be plagued by suicidal thoughts. I've gone to therapy for them and a have been given antidepressants, multiple times. These things helped but never truly healed me. Back then, having thought I've tried everything, I turned to hard drugs as a form of escaping my depression and life. Those didn't help even though they provided me with a moment or hours of escape.

So at my rock bottom I had done therapy, prescription drugs, and the illegal hard drugs. I also tried sobriety but still no actual peace in my heart. I thought, what else is left? Why bother living?

Then inside something moved in me that said "have you tried God? Have you tried with all of your might and desire to try God?". In that moment I said "no, I have never gave God a chance". The reply "well, then, you haven't done everything."

That began my journey and I have been freed from suicidal thoughts for 10 years now, and while I still struggle I struggle with hope. Despite my imperfections, I have peace. The peace of a life lived in sanctifying grace through Jesus Christ.

This is all I will say on the matter. I'm not trying to convert but rather giving testimony of my experience. You do what you want with it.

Whatever you do I pray you have peace in your life. Know you are not worthless or a lost cause. There is only one of you that has and will ever exist.

 

Superb! I did't tell my family yet. Now you are motivating me, dear!

 

I'm staying alive just to annoy everyone until the last possible second, thanks.

 

Hey, man. You've got a lot going for you. For one thing, you're wicked smart. You live in the middle east so I'm assuming English isn't your first language, yet you've mastered it. I've never mastered a foreign language. Also, I couldn't tell you anything about Schopenhauer or Nietzsche when I was 15. I was too busy getting high and being an asshole in general. You seem like a good kid. You just need to learn how to forgive yourself. Yes, you masturbate and that's a sin (in my religion) but God still loves you. You may be an atheist, but God still loves you. You should love yourself. Forgive yourself for masturbating. Just let it go. You'll do better next time. It's no big deal. I sense that you're beating yourself up over it and it's making your life miserable. Just let it go.