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Meetup get together was good

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Jun 18, 2019.

  1. I just got home from a meetup.com get together. It was a bowling night. Everyone was friendly and we had a fun time. I went with the mentality that I wasn't going to worry about talking to any women, just relax and talk to anyone that's interested. It turned out I did have a nice casual chat with a lady and a couple guys as well.

    I had been meaning to go to bowling night for months. I tried once but got lost. For months after that attempt I didn't bother trying any socializing, other than the SAA meetings and going to help my parents.

    I've been hiding in my house a lot. Other than work, going on a trip, helping my parents, or SAA, I've been in my house avoiding people.

    The loneliness and isolation was finally driving me into some "weirdo" stuff (which I won't share). I think I was slowly going insane.

    The other day I was watching a documentary about a serial killer. The part of the documentary that really shook me up was he was doing the same "weirdo" stuff during his killing spree that I've been getting into. It wasn't anything involving other people at all. If you care to know, PM me but I won't share it here.

    That was quite a wake up call. Time to quit talking about socializing and time to act. I need to get out more and interact with the real world instead of living in fantasy all the time.

    Finally decided to try the bowling night once again and am glad I did it. I plan on going next week too. There is also another socializing opportunity that I have in mind and hope to find others.

    I write all this as an encouragement to all the other lonely people out there. We all need to act and not just sit around feeling hopeless. There are different resources to get out and interact with people. It isn't easy but nothing good comes easy.

    If we take the easy road and just stay isolated we aren't necessarily going to become a serial killer. But we are going to end up missing out on a lot of wonderful real life social interactions.
     
  2. Just send me a PM anytime your feeling down or wanna chat, i'd be happy to listen. I have been doing something a little similar i delved into some things that alarmed me a bit and i had a bad relapse this last May. I have been struggling with this thing for so long i have been on NoFAP for quite a few years now so don't give up ever, each time we rebound we have a chance to learn and grow.
    As far as the social thing goes i sounds like your taking steps and doing the scary stuff. It's not easy to approach people you don't know and strike up conversation, why do you think so many people today hide away in their phones in public or can't smile or make eye contact when they pass someone hah?
    I heard this yesterday from a speaker that was made me think of your post "the initiation to a successful happy life is through discomfort, emotion, and perseverance."
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2019
  3. Thanks for sharing with us and nice little ending message for the lonely folks here.
    I'm glad you had a good time and have future plans to go out again! This is the spirit.


    P.S. heck ya I'm gonna PM you about the serial killer stuff! lol
     
  4. Thanks! Will do!
     
  5. SkyNet

    SkyNet Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, you really helped me... I need encouragement to get out and around people even when - especially when - I'm feeling bad about myself. Getting out even for a short while makes it easier to do it the next time and each time I replace the hollow rush of PMO with positive feelings.

    Press on regardless,
    SkyNet
     
  6. Yeah it turns into a downward spiral with the loneliness. We spend time alone, develop a negative mindset, any attempts of socializing are with a negative mindset so we fail and hide again and reinforce the negative mindset making it even harder to get out to socialize.


    I think what you said is good. Just get out for a short while somewhere that will have a greater chance for positive interactions. That will help us get better at socializing.

    So what I need to do is get out again next week and look for other social activities to do.
     
    TheBaeLessWonder likes this.
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Good job.

    Keep doing what you're doing.

    Life is one big experimental playground. There's lots of people doing different fun things. Play with the one on the monkey bars. The one building a sand castle. The one going down the slide. The one on the swings. Try new things. Interact with new people. Have fun.

    It can be scary to put yourself out there and interact with strangers. If you do it enough times, you'll rack up both negative and positive experiences. Eventually you'll have enough positive experiences that will make the risk of experiencing the negative worth it.

    What is isolation anyways? Simplicity. Safety. Comfort. It's basically a way to limit the possibilities of negative experiences, but by doing that you also negate the possibilities of higher quality positive experiences.

    I hope you continue to condition yourself to face the risks of putting yourself out there.
     
    Hros and Deleted Account like this.
  8. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You become a serial killer. Maybe not killing people... but you kill a lot of things. Possibilities, connection, intimacy, relationships, growth, and the time you have to be alive. You're killing the version of you that you know you should be working towards everyday that you avoid it.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Thanks for the motivation! I'm not quite where you're at yet. Still need to give myself a push. Last year I actually joined a meetup for social anxiety, but I found it unhelpful to sit in a circle and talk about having social anxiety with a handful of other people who are terrified as well. I think I need to get into a more natural social setting if I'm ever gonna meet new people.
    I guess the only challenge is to find a meetup that suits my interests and actually has a decent turnout. Meet ups around me tend to lack in numbers. Anyway I really need to do something soon. Sort of had a wake up call the other day when my 14 year old niece was ripping on me for not having any friends or a woman.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. this old man

    this old man Fapstronaut

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    thumb at 10 (if you are a righty) and shake hands with the head pin!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. this old man

    this old man Fapstronaut

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    i was discussing with my wife just this evening that young teenage girls are about the most savage thing on the planet.
    It seems like in their developmental curve they learn about the power of social structures and ostracizing and shame and all that before they learn a level empathy.

    I think it can be a gauntlet for a young male's psycho-social development to have to face that as they attempt to learn male/female dynamics.
    Those young women can (inadvertently, it's their developmental horizon at that age) cause truly massive damage to a young mans psyche.
    -------------------
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. this old man

    this old man Fapstronaut

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    maybe don't even worry if it suits your interests. I mean, not something you know you detest. but you could try you know nothing at all about and don't have any feling about it one way or the other.
    it takes some of the weight off and puts the activity on the meeting people.

    Doing things where everyone is a total n00b kind of removes a lot of the heirarchy anxiety and can be a neat bonding experience. Someone's mistake is EVERYONE'S mistake - say you make an 'embarrassing' mistake - frame it as "well, one of us had to go there" so everyone can laugh it off together
     
  13. You pretty much nailed it, and when they are attractive and popular, they can be downright brutal. I remember back when my sister was that age and throughout high school. She was so horrible to me and my parents. Once she got into her twenties, she turned into a decent human being. I just hope that my niece doesn't get to be as bad as her mother was.
     
  14. Second Monday night in a row made it to bowling night. Positive interactions with others including females is definitely helping me feel a lot more upbeat.

    I also broke 100 today which was a good boost to the ego. Maybe I’ll become the second greatest left handed bowler after Earl Anthony. LOL!
     
    elevate likes this.

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