Men's Dating and Relationships thread

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by EyesToSeeEarsToHear, Dec 7, 2017.

  1. EyesToSeeEarsToHear

    EyesToSeeEarsToHear Fapstronaut

    A thread for men to share their thoughts and advisements on dating and relationships.

    I started dating very late at 25yrs old. I've had 5 separate gfs in 3 years time. One of them a single mom.

    The 1st 3 I met online and the last two I met in real life at a store and at the mall.

    It's BAD to rush into anything here. We must find someone who shares our beliefs and interests. Otherwise it's better to be single.

    When men understand their natural roles women want to support them. Men mostly make the 1st move because women have basically unlimited options these days and will "swipe left" if we don't because guys are always coming on to them.

    Unless you are a "Chad". Top 10-20% very, very handsome men. These are the PHEW men who are always getting sexual and flirtatious attention from women. Literally no matter what they do. I'm no Chad and most men aren't.

    Yet all men are epic dreamers and explorers. We want to know everything and how to do everything. We learn our limits in time but we always have that epic impulse.

    Women think and feel much more locally. They do not have that same impulse. Instead they think much more practically in a day to day way. It seems cold and unfeeling to inexperienced men but it's totally fair.

    Women naturally enjoy the before mentioned qualities in most men but not in a sexual way. Especially not at first. They just find it entertaining. They really like when men don't bore them.

    This is hard for men to understand. It often makes men want to cheat (I've done this).

    They will ignore men who have no personal goals and dreams and few prospects.

    When a man gets enough skills and social networks to daily chase his epic dream that's when he is meant to reach out and invite a woman he wants to enjoy the brilliant spectacle of his epic dream with
  2. I think people should only date when they are ready and they have sufficient knowledge on the person they possess affection for. If the person meets their standards, it's a plus. I know people who would change to accommodate those they care about. As for me, I don't care how strong my feelings for a girl are if she doesn't meet most of my standards. It might be because of my cold, logical nature
    EyesToSeeEarsToHear likes this.
  3. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this post after 9 months of NoFap I've realized I've been chasing girls sex and lusting for companionship but now I realiz I want to cultivate my own self love and NoFap was just the start I feel a fire in myself that has been burning for so long and now I want to learn new things like cook and read all types of books and most importantly I'm strengthing my faith again and trying to find my purpose I think I have more people perspective I really believe casual sex and anything other than a serious relationship is a waste of time I will be social with women practice and just overall be a more sociable person I also realize my sense of humor is what makes me charming for so long pmo kept me in a cycle of self hate and taking things too seriously life should be lived and stay present be humble and be grateful and realize most of the way people react to you is a reflection of themselves you gotta become the person you would love
    EyesToSeeEarsToHear likes this.
  4. EyesToSeeEarsToHear

    EyesToSeeEarsToHear Fapstronaut

    That's great Hitto. It really is.

    Your fire, that passion to learn, is the most reliable tool any man ever had and ever will.

    We should always keep it above everything.
    Hitto likes this.
  5. Jimmy R

    Jimmy R Fapstronaut

    I'm having a really hard time dating. 31, Canadian, living in a city without an LGBT district. People say the best way to meet someone is to join a social club, hobbies, or interests, but I'm not sure if they take into account that I'm gay. I work such weird hours at work it's hard to dedicate to anything, and I'm not really into hobbies or sports. TV, music, video games, & movies. Books too. All these have meetup groups, but during the day or when I'm working.

    I've joined a lot of dating websites, I was pretty honest in my profile that I'm not looking for hookups & sex, and I want to have a normal, gay relationship, but I've had very few takers. The people that do message me seem to take hours/days/weeks!? to respond.

    My dating history isn't great either: first boyfriend in highschool, we made out first, fooled around on the first date. Then many years of depression, near-suicide, and loneliness. Over a decade later I had a manic-sex period where I slept with a lot of strangers. Then my second boyfriend, drug-dealer and sex-addict who didn't treat me very well. Third boyfriend, bipolar depression who kept "revving me up" without going any further.

    And then now. Single, trying to heal myself and hoping to find someone decent to love. .... Although that's what I was trying to do when I met #2 and #3, so I'm afraid I'll make another mistake.
  6. EyesToSeeEarsToHear

    EyesToSeeEarsToHear Fapstronaut

    Jimmy R I hear you man. I can only imagine what a search for serious monogamy could be like for a young man like yourself.

    I used to deal with a woman who had a lot of gay male friends. Her best friend and room mate was a nice guy with a really protective/mean dog lol. He could really cook.

    My area has a large LGBT population relative to the rest of the nation yet I've only heard people talk seriously about concerns of men in the gay community in places like churches or from the TV.

    I believe my blindness here is really enormous and I want to wish you well without offering opinions or advice that would be completely wrong or harmful.

    I believe there's a lot about your struggle that should be heard and read directly from men like yourself and not dismissed. One of the tragic things I've heard about is the suicide rate among YOUNG men with same sex attraction. There must be obvious, and not so obvious cultural reasons for this.

    Best wishes to you.

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