Mental fantasy causing lack of arousal!

On the upside, your husband is being honest and communicating with you.
And, he's willing to give up TV and the phone at home . . . . also pretty awesome.

Government jobs are tricky. Especially if he's in the military. LOTS OF BOREDOM. It sounds like he is really trying, but work for anybody is just a brutal situation to be in, often involving 8 hours of having to do things that you don't want to do and when you get a few minutes break, many of us slip into the most mind-numbing activities that we can. It could be news (doomscrolling), shopping, eating or . . . porn.

One more positive thing to consider. Fantasy is the final frontier. It's so hard to control!
Meditation might be the only solution.
Have you thought of any other solutions? Perhaps some sort of punishment or reward? Any thoughts on how to get him to focus his sexual attention on you?

 

Any man who is abstaining from orgasm for more than two days will get off to a natural woman’s body without hesitation. He is masturbating at work constantly undoubtedly. He is not being faithful to you. Men who have such addictions should not get into relationships period. What you do is up to you, but when he helps himself is up to him. He may never learn until you leave. Do what you will but don’t wait up for him if he isn’t putting in the work.

 

I think it takes time to go back to the normal mode; a weeks or few weeks are no enough.

 

How about seeking professional help for you and your husband. I've seen couples attending sex yoga if that's what they call it.

 

Jesus Christ, dude! What jobs have you had? LOL! I work in city government, and I love it. I am out and about, dealing with different things every day. It's great! If your job is a "brutal situation with lots of boredom", maybe it's time to make a change in that area too...

Just saying...

 

As a woman on the outside of your relationship, based on what you're saying your husband seems to have 'checked out' of your relationship. Also, you might want to see about getting PREP medicine to protect your body in case he is cheating. Also, if you want, are you able to secretly check his phone or websites to see if he's doing anything secretly?

 

Years of Addiction is not going to End in 'X' amount of Days or Weeks. I'll suggest to read these two books.
1) Your Brain On Porn.
2) Power over pornography.
The second one is too helpful for Recovery and first one is for learning about the addiction and creating awareness. Go through them according to the sequence I mentioned. I hope this will be helpful.

 

Let your husband complete at least a full 90 day reboot before trying to get him aroused

 

Did you discuss to him your issues regarding your sex behavior with each other? Sometimes, you just have to talk about it to resolve issues.

 

Whoa! Whoa! OP feels bad enough already. She doesn't need you injecting pain into her situation like this. Just because this happened to you (I am assuming) doesn't mean it is or will happen to her. Her husband may not be the asshole your husband is. And she may not be the victim that you are.

Fact is that porn addiction, like any addiction, takes time to overcome. The effects don't go away instantly and easily. And it doesn't help to have a partner who is judgmental and so unsympathetic. Maybe that works in your relationship with your partner, but it may not work for her. Just because you've gone through pain doesn't make it right to inflict pain on others.

 

A woman has a right to protect her health and body. She should absolutely get on PREP to protect her health in and protect herself form any unwanted, incurable STD's. It's the reality that a man focusing on porn rather than his wife could possibly be cheating and she should protect her body. It's not really normal to develop a porn addition while in a relationship! That's something for single, lonely people like I was when my porn addiction developed in the recent past.

Women that are married or in relationships are the most vulnerable to STD's unfortunately, but no one is talking about it because women and our bodies and health are not seen as important in this society. Men can do whatever unnatural and gross, disease-spreading behavior they want which is affecting women and we're supposed to keep these rose-colored glasses on as if everything is ok, when it's not.

 

This is totally unfounded in anything other than your own thought, and doesn't reflect the experience of many people on this site.

 

Lol it took me years, and you give him weeks.

 

Might have to re-think that one, my friend. Or file it in the you-know-where.

 

Wow it's sad reading so much rush to judgement in this thread. I guess we have all been pretty jaded in one way or another.

 

Feel your pain and so sorry your going through this,I hate this journey so much its the most painful thing I've ever experienced and know I need to give up & walk away but don't have the strength,iam not sure its even worth the fight anymore,will it ever even really be the same again? How can it the mental pain and damage is too great,especially when it never seems to end! I hope you can find happiness with your partner & failing that the strength to leave,