Just need to vent on here and acknowledge for myself and others how much I'm fighting the urge to view porn right now. After a month of no PMO and a relapse last week, life has been good for the most part and I'm at my most productive. But despite all the hard work and the improved habits, the new positive outlook, the urge, as it always does, gets to a boiling point where I feel out of control. Spend all night dreaming of porn scenes and fantasizing and by the next day all I want is just to look at what I've been missing (it seems too good to be true and as we all know, it is). "If I could just take a peek and then carry on with my day" and I tell myself, an ever-expanding variety of remembered stars and scenes popping up in my head and begging to be returned to, but I damn well know I can't handle it - I'll waste precious time, I will PMO and I will be miserable / irritable for the rest of the day and for the next couple of days. I'm always in awe of how much this thing has gotten a hold of me - I feel like I'm literally talking back to voices every 5 seconds. Oh well...wish me luck!
