MELTDOWN AT WORK TODAY Today I had a meltdown at work just because someone asked me how my daughter is doing. My daughter has just rejected a full ride scholarship with the ROTC to pay for nursing school at University of Portland (expensive nice school)... she says "I don't want to leave my cat and I want to dye my hair pink", but I think the real reason is she does' t want to leave me in the state that I'm in.... she sees my sobbing episodes, I try to hide them from her, like I go into a different room or outside. I feel like because I'm not strong, she feels like she can't leave me. She also has seen all the vandalism I've done to various items in the house. I try to destroy the evidence of my outbursts (cleaning up the glass or whatever)... but she is the one seeing me at my worst... and I'm so sad that I have given her the idea that she can't leave me and then I blame my husband for hurting me so bad that I can't control myself from crying and anger... I'm so mad at all of the ripples this porn addiction has on our kids.... so mad and so sad. I went into one of the doctor's offices and hyperventilated for a few minutes and then used breathing techniques to calm myself down... maybe took about 10 minutes, then I went back to the floor to take care of my cancer patients who have if far worse than I do.... although I did just listen to something that says that Betrayal Trauma pain is rated only 2nd to losing a child... that's a lot of pain and I do feel like I'm dealing pretty damn well for that kind of pain... I haven't even missed a day of work!!