Mermaid's Journal (SO)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by BetrayedMermaid, Apr 20, 2018.

  1. Foxislander

    Foxislander Fapstronaut

    Been there myself then I realize he was the only one that was here to help me with helping maintain peace and Sanity
  2. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

    Before Betrayal Bonds, I'm suggesting reading "Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. The essential tools for healing" by Dr. Kevin Skinner.

    This is a better book to start with because it's just TOO MUCH to try to fix yourself from old patterns and "betrayal bonds" when you are bleeding out from the trauma. I started to read Betrayal Bonds and it just added injury because it shows you how really messed up you are and is too much to deal with at once when you are not healed enough from the betrayal. Betrayal Bonds WILL BE a good book but it's for later in the process IMHO. I'm less angry today and actually the break from noFap was very relaxing. I'm not going to get obsessive about this site. I was checking it all day long and it was not good for me... Gotta get out there and live life!
  3. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    Another great one I recommend is "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means. It is a very good book address Betrayal Trauma.
  4. Archangel 77

    Archangel 77 Fapstronaut

    Genuine, loving self care is soooo important.

    Something else that I learned too late about myself was that I’m an introvert. I need alone time in order to recharge and reconnect with people. I could never tell my wife that I needed this space, I always felt so guilty about asking for it, and I can see now how much unnecessary resentment that built up.
    BetrayedMermaid likes this.
  5. My DDay was actually over 3yrs ago. And I guess two since then. I read sooo many books my favorite being “Love must be Tough” by Dobson. I was in a toxic relationship prior to meeting my husband so I dealt with trauma then as well as my own personal “codependent” & controlling issues before getting married.

    What I’ve learned is that the betrayal from my Hubs reopened past wounds and build upon it. It sent me down past unhealthy patterns. So it’s actually part of the symptoms not the root. As a nurse you know that if you only treat symptoms you won’t actually get better you will only mask the root problem. If possible maybe try to work them tandem? Not going to’s work and everyone’s journey is slightly different. But you can and will overcome this. Don’t allow it to consume you but don’t ignore it. Find your healthy balance (easier said I know o_O) & hang in there.
  6. Good to hear that! Really glad you're feeling better! :)

    Just wondering... how's your daughter doing through all this? Does she have a support network of her own (friends, other relatives)? Or are you keeping her afloat too?

    (Not asking for specifics - don't say anything you're not comfortable sharing!)
  7. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

    She’s having a hard time but just agreed to counseling thank God. She doesn’t know she was targeted. She misses him. :( she misses her step siblings... I took the girls out for breakfast and we got to talk about stuff... we miss our family life.
    Torn likes this.
  8. Oh man, really sorry to hear that. :( Glad she's getting some professional help.

    You're doing really well, keeping it all together. :emoji_thumbsup:

    Sending you best wishes and hoping life starts to go your way now.
  9. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut


    Thanks Broken3. I will put that book on my list to read.. I was also in a toxic relationship with my previous husband prior to my current husband... in fact, I have NEVER been in a healthy relationship.. OMG I just got really sad right now... (I've only been in 2 real relationships- but they were both like day and night, complete opposite personalities of men but both broken in their own way, and I married each one).... and me too on codependent and controlling (In the first, not the second)... You're right. I need to get healthy to the root. I like the wound analogy (since I'm a nurse)... stop what's causing the wound, clean the wound out of debri and bacteria, and let it heal properly with dressing changes and ointment. Cleaning the wound out hurts like hell... and that's where I'm at. I'm doing better these last few days, starting to feel stronger, less angry, more determined to walk through this upright. I'm trying to find that "healthy balance" you're talking about.
  10. What a great phrase!
  11. Good girl! You got this! It does hurt like hell but you will feel so empowered and “healthy” when it starts healing. We have no power over the people or situations that hurt us but we have the power to get better and make our lives better. Don’t get stuck in bad place (so easy to stay there)..keep moving forward physical therapy ;)
  12. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut


    What a ride.

    I texted this to my husband this morning:

    Well, It’s been 3 months today since DDay. I want to tell you good job! If you have been honest about your recovery, I commend you! That’s hard work and I’m really proud of you for finally taking it on. You are also very brave to consider a real full disclosure to your counselor. Thank you for helping my healing by persevering through these 3 months and even though you had a couple of hiccups, I hope you are really proud of yourself And I hope you keep up the hard work and don’t let your defenses down because it’s been 90 days.

    (He admitted to fantasizing about me last night- but says he did not PMO... we had spent a lot of the day together getting the house ready to sale).

    I’m doing good this morning. I’m glad at least that you were fantasizing about me only. I probably shouldn’t wear shorts and have my boobs hanging out when I’m with you. It probably doesn’t help you… I don’t know I mean you’re supposed to want to your wife. I really don’t understand where I fit into this and where my boundaries are in relation to sex.

    Then I read this in my Betrayal trauma book:

    “What is often not said but felt is the question, “What about my own sexual needs?” Seldom do we discuss the sex drive of the betrayed spouse. Primarily because it is assumed that their trauma prevents them from wanting to have sex. What is missed in this perception is that even with trauma, individuals still have a sex drive. They may not trust their partner, but in many instances, they still long for this type of human connection. So what’s the answer? I wish there were an easy response, but there isn’t. When my clients or others ask me questions regarding boundaries and their sexual relationship, I usually end up by asking them a few more questions. My hope is that by answering my questions they will be able to increase their personal understanding of their relationship and identify how to respond.”

    Maybe I am overthinking this but if I were to have sex with him (and I did once already about 65 days after DDay), my fear is because I don’t trust him that it wouldn’t be an intimate connection but rather just a sexual release… So how is that any different than him using porn? I’d just be using him right? And what would it do to my own healing?

    When we had sex after 65 days it was really late at night and it was as if I was in a dream. Like I was almost removed from the situation in my head- It was good sex and I’m not sorry I did it but I’m just wondering if it’s detrimental to me or him… Or would it be good for us? I just don’t know the answer and it seems that nobody really does and I just have to figure it out. My counselor says- “have sex with your husband if you feel you want to”... his sex addict counselor says not to... and I don’t know the time period- I think both counselors are surprised I would even want to or consider sex so I have to wonder what’s wrong with me?

    Oh right... probably a little bit of betrayal bonding damage in there.

    There’s still much work to do.
  13. I am happy for him..and happy for you. I can hear your growth and change. Small baby steps towards recovery for you---for both of you.

    Keep it up!
  14. Archangel 77

    Archangel 77 Fapstronaut

    There is NOTHING wrong with you. Are you kidding me? Sex is complex and complicated? Do tell. Hahaha. I don’t mean to be cavalier about your feelings, but I think everyone on this site (myself included) is here in part because sexuality is so complex, layered, and such an infinate mystery to us mortals.

    I encourage you not to dwell on it. Move forward and stay present. Did it change your feelings? How do you feel right now? That’s what matters. One day at a time. Let God take care of the past and the future.

    Again, easier said than done, I want you to know I mean these words with the greatest kindness and respect. I am completely guilty of the same struggle, so know that I’m writing this advice as much to myself as I am to you.

    Be well!
    BetrayedMermaid and Torn like this.
  15. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

    It didn’t change my feelings. I’m going through with separation and selling the house and moving because I still have my daughter and there’s no way I’m trusting him to live in the same house as her.. I don’t know how this is going to work, I just know this boundary HAS to be in place for the safety of my daughter...

    So how do I feel right now? I’m unsure. I’m not really seeing the future... I don’t know if I’ll ever trust him again enough to have a life with him- I do a lot of imagining scenarios like how are we going to spend time with my daughter and all the other kids? My daughter is a trigger for me by herself sadly so I am sure that if they were together I would really REALLY be triggered. Plus my daughter is saying that she’s bisexual although she’s never had a relationship. What if she comes home with a girlfriend? Think about how that would affect my husband? Girl on girl is one of his favorites. My mind keeps thinking to the future and getting discouraged. That’s how I feel right now.
    Deleted Account and Archangel 77 like this.
  16. Foxislander

    Foxislander Fapstronaut

    45 out of 120 me and my wife doing it together broke 6 and 9 see what's happening in at 1900.
    Here's a my wife's boundaries

    Elke Bill of Rights:
    1. I have the right to a husband who honors his covenants and commitments.
    2. I have the right to a marriage with complete honesty, openness and transparency.
    3. I have the right to a home that is filled with and inviting to the Spirit. I have the right to walk away from, turn off, get rid of, or change any media, activity or interaction that I feel is inappropriate in my home- or makes me feel afraid oruncomfortable- regardless of the situation that I am in and/or the way other people around me feel.
    4. I have the right for the intimacy in my marriage to be wholesome and free of lust.
    5. I have the right to feel safe.
    6. I have the right to personal preferences and opinions.
    7. I have the right to find support in whatever way I feel necessary.
    8. I have the right to freely trust, love and forgive completely.
    Non-negotiable Boundaries:
    1. I have the right to have a partner who is committed to ongoing healing/improving/recovery by going to the weekly men’s group at church, staying on NOFAP, eating healthy, exercising,reading, journaling.
    Consequence: Paul will stay in another bedroom for theremainder of our abstinence contract or possible separate from the house and there will be no physical contact during this same time frame.
    2. I have the right to expect complete openness, honesty and transparency in my marriage. Examples: Show where debit transactions have been spent with receipt 100% Accountability.
    Consequence: If being dishonest and/or alcohol is purchased the bedroom is mine for two nights and I may choose to leave for the day.
    1. I have the right not to besubjected to “neediness”, “over-touchiness” in any and all situations
    Consequence: [1] Our bedroom is mine for 3 nights automatically.
    Consequence: [2] No touch will be in place for 1-2 days as decided by me (stated by me).
    2. I have the right to feel safe when any inappropriate touch as deemed by me occurs.
    Consequence: [1] No touch will be in place for 2 daysautomatically and our bedroom is mine for both nights.
    3. I have a right not to be “badgered” by repetitiveness when communicating.
    In person Consequence: I will give one warning. If not stopped, Paul will leave the area for 2 hours.
    On phone Consequence: Paul will stop calling/texting for the remainder of the day.
    4. I have a right to not be subjected to coercion or compulsive behavior (i.e. not accepting my input if not in line with his thoughts – see garage project)
    Consequence: Paul will leave the area for 2 hours and I maychoose to leave for the day.
    5. I have a right to “me” time (i.e. TV, reading, gardening, anything) without interruption.
    Consequence: I have the right to our family room or other space and will separate myself or ask him to leave.
    6. I have a right not to be overwhelmed with too much talk about this issue/subject designated times shall be setup (this includes anything related to sexual compulsion including the boundary list)
    Consequence: The bedroom will be mine for 2 nightsautomatically.
    7. I have the right to my own opinions (without recourse (i.e. anger, manipulation)
    Consequence: I have the right to walk away from, hang up or end the conversation and seek the support that I need elsewhere.
    8. I have the right not to be disturbed during my work time 9-5pm (phone calls or texts)
    Consequence: I have the right to block his calls until at least 6pm.
    9. I have the right to feel loved and cherished without disrespect, disregard, or objectification.
    Consequence: Dependent on severity, our bedroom is mine for the night or until I feel safe again and there will be no touch for the same period of time.
    10. I have the right to total physical privacy, including any and all attempts to see me nude.
    Consequence: Our bedroom is mine for the night automatically or until further notice.
    11. I have the right during cooldown period and longer if needed, to no sexual innuendo, suggestions, asking of spooning.
    Consequence: Our bedroom is mine for the night automatically or until further notice.
    12. I have the right not to be “asked” or “pestered” about when or what will happen after our abstinence time.
    Consequence: Our bedroom is mine for the night automatically or until further notice.
    13. I have the right to a healthy, loving and intimate sexual relationship (without blame,manipulation)
    Response: I have the right to remove myself from the blame and fear by a period of abstinence and/or sleeping in separate rooms until I can once again feel safe in our sexual relationship.
    14. I have the right to no profanity when communicating. There will be one warning.
    Consequence: I have the right to “me” time in the Family room (1 or 2 hours based on my choosing).
    15. I have the right to receive my own spiritual inspiration and act on it.
    Consequence: I have the right to listen to, discern and act on the inspiration I receive regardless of his support and preference.
    Separation times will be determined by Elke based on action by Paul. Time is to be spend by Paul being constructive, i.e. work-out, journal, read (bible, book), research home improvement projects, video games, meditation, call a friend/support group, play with dogs, go outside and work in yard, go for a walk, watch Caroline Leaf, etc.
    ___________________________ _____________________________

    Here are some tips for setting healthy boundaries:
    • When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, apologize for, or rationalize the boundary you are setting. Do not argue! Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.
    • You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating the boundary in a respectful manner. If others get upset with you, that is their problem. If they no longer want your friendship, then you are probably better off without them. You do not need "friends" who disrespect your boundaries.
    • At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway, and tell yourself you have a right to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don't let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.
    • When you feel anger or resentment, or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, then determine what you need to do or say. Then communicate your boundary assertively. When you are confident you can set healthy boundaries with others, you will have less need to put up walls.
    • When you set boundaries, you might be tested, especially by those accustomed to controlling you, abusing you, or manipulating you. Plan on it, expect it, but be firm. Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting. You can not establish a clear boundary successfully if you send a mixed message by apologizing for doing so. Be firm, clear, and respectful.
    • Most people are willing to respect your boundaries, but some are not. Be prepared to be firm about your boundaries when they are not being respected. If necessary, put up a wall by ending the relationship. In extreme cases, you might have to involve the police or judicial system by sending a no-contact letter or obtaining a restraining order.
    • Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. You will set boundaries when you are ready. It’s your growth in your own time frame, not what someone else tells you. Let your counselor or support group help you with pace and process.
    • Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life - those who want to manipulate you, abuse you, and control you.
    • Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge – and what an exciting journey that is.
    Why are Boundaries so Important?
    Boundaries created by wives are not only crucial for them, but also for the addict husbands. Boundaries keep us and our children SAFE. Without them, we usually live in an endless loop of torment, fear, and wo'-----aka PTSD/Betrayal Trauma.
    • For the addict, a wives Boundaries can produce much needed consequences, and NO addict can truly get better without feeling the consequences to their actions. Consequences are goooood. Holding an addict husband accountable and not putting up with their crap is the most loving thing any wife could ever do for them. Addiction thrives wherever there's enabling.
    Step By Step Boundaries
    Tolerate:"To allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of without interference; To accept or endure"
    First, you need to figure out how much crap you are willing to put up with. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF. Its tricky figuring out what we are willing or not willing to tolerate in or lives with our addict husbands. It may even help to discover a few of our Personal Bill of Rights to have for our own use. Personal Boundaries are what protect our Personal Rights. (More info on Bill of Rights HERE. Or to view my personal boundaries
    Often boundaries arent only just things we simply want, they are actually things we NEED. They are literally things we emotionally need in our life in order for ourselves to function in a healthy progressive way so we can be the best "us". When first figuring out your Boundaries, it may be helpful to ask yourself these questions and write them down:
    * What behavior from your husband are you willing to tolerate in your home and life?
    * What behavior from your husband are you NOT willing to tolerate in your home and life?
    * What personally do YOU want out of your life? Are you able to achieve this living with an addict who's acting out in your home?
    * What are some essential emotional NEEDS you have in your life and marriage?
    * Are you willing to tolerate sleeping in the same bed, being intimate with, or living with an addict who is acting out, or lying? Aka "Addict Mode"?
    * Are you willing to tolerate free reign access to pornography (unfiltered or unmonitored Internet devices) in your home around you and your children?
    * Are you willing to tolerate being controlled, manipulated, or abused?
    * What are YOU willing to do in order to follow through on what you say? Its crucial to have a plan of what you are willing to do if your husband does something you are not willing to tolerate or put up with.
    Second, after you figure out what you want and write down what you are willing to put up with in your life, its time to figure out what your going to do to achieve that. If your husband is not willing to be respectful and safe, what are you going to do to keep YOU safe? How can you show self respect to yourself?
    After writing everything down I highly suggest showing it to your therapist or a trusted friend who's already done boundaries to help proof read, and then giving a final copy to your husband. But when writing it down it's extremely helpful to write your boundaries in a way that not only YOU understand, but in a way your husband can easily understand. One method is to state what you NEED > Then state what you are not willing to tolerate > and then state what you are willing to DO to keep yourself safe (consequences) if your husband does not respect your safety Boundaries.
    Here are a variety of random different Boundary wording examples. A few of these are the boundaries/consequences I personally use, but everyone's situation is different so input consequences that would help YOU feel safe.
    - I am only willing to tolerate staying married to a man who is actively trying to get into recovery by going to meetings, counseling etc. If I do not see consistent recovery behaviors, ie. meetings, counseling, honesty etc, then I won't feel safe being married to you. (Other examples: sleeping in the same bed with you, being intimate with you, talking to you, etc etc.
    - For my safety, sanity, and mental health, I am not willing to tolerate living with a man who lies. If I am lied to, I will need distance myself and consider a separation.
    - In order for me to feel safe in this marriage I need all future slips/relapses etc. to be disclosed within 24 hours. If I receive disclosure after 24hrs , OR I discover it myself, then that puts me and the kids in danger and I will need a separation for an undisclosed amount of time.
    - For the safety of me and the children, I will not allow any unmonitored and unfiltered Internet device (computer, phone, TV etc) to enter this home. If I learn of any unprotected device you have brought into my home without my knowledge, I will need a separation for my safety.
    - I love you. I NEED to feel safe in this marriage. I NEED the kids to be safe. I am no longer willing to tolerate lies, If you lie to me without telling me within 24 hours etc, I will ______.
    - I'm not comfortable living with someone who's not trying to get into recovery by going to meetings, counseling, reaching out, full honesty/transparency etc. If I do not see these efforts in actions (not words), than I do not feel safe with you living here.
    - I don't feel safe sleeping in the same bed with someone who is not trying to get into recovery. If I do not see recovery type work by counseling, meetings, sponsor, full honestly/transparency etc, then I do not feel safe with you being in our bed.
    - I do not feel safe living with a man who is not working to get into recovery, if I do not see recovery type work by counseling, meetings, sponsor, honesty/transparency etc, then I will detach and cease contact (except directly about kids) so that i can feel safe.
    - I do not comfortable living with someone who's not trying to actively get into recovery by going to meetings, counseling, reaching out, full honesty/transparency etc etc, and if I do not see active recovery type actions by ______, then I will begin the divorce process for the safety of me and the kids.
    Third, be prepared to follow through with everything you say, otherwise you could prove yourself to be untrustworthy, and become "The Wife Who Cried Wolf". If you say you will not have sex, separate, or start divorce proceedings the next time he cheats or lies, etc., then you better be sure you are actually willing to do exactly what you said you would! Also be prepared for backlash from your husband. If your husband acts up, gets defensive/upset, or throws a tantrum, then you know it's working. Ignore it, and DO NOT engage. I repeat, DO NOT ENGAGE. It's just his addiction feeling threatened and is panicking and fighting to stay alive. If his negative behavior causes you to back down or not follow through on what you say, then it gives his addiction power and it encourage's him to continue using negative behavior to get what he wants. Stay firm. Stand your ground.
    Boundaries Are Not Ultimatums
    Boundaries and consequences are only for YOU and your children. They are NOT to punish or control your husband. Your husband has the agency to make any choice he wants. You aren't telling him what he can't do. Your simply saying "Yes, you can make the choice to act that way, and if that happens I will make the choice to keep myself safe". But they are NOT ultimatums. "Ultimatums shut down options. Boundaries open up choices." ( . "A good boundary is the result of knowing yourself and having standards for how you want to be treated in relationship. An ultimatum is the result of not setting boundaries to begin with; you find yourself unhappy with how you are being treated and you are focus on changing your partner’s behavior. The crucial difference is that boundaries come from a solid place inside of you, whereas an ultimatum comes from a wish about how things could be. It takes self-esteem to set a boundary, whereas most ultimatums come from a sense of desperation."
    My counselor once explained that its good to be clear about what I needed in my boundaries, but to remember that Boundaries are extremely personal, to make them my own, and to remember that in my written Boundaries I am speaking to my husband----someone I love very deeply----and that I needed to be sincere and open with what I NEED. And what I NEED and will always need, is to feel safe in my marriage and in my home. Safety is the biggest priority.
    Need Further Assistance? (Because this stuff is still so confusing your eyes are glazed over and you want to pound your head into the table)
    The number #1 book I recommend to everyone, EVERYONE, is Boundaries, or Boundaries in Marriage, by John Townsend. This is the Holy Grail of everything Boundary related.
    Read it. Read it now.
    Excerpt straight from the book Boundaries in Marriage:
    "Boundaries are about self-control....
    A client once said to me, "I set some boundaries on my husband. I told him that he could not talk to me that way anymore. And it did not work. What do i do now?"
    "What you have done is not Boundaries at all," I replied.
    "What do you mean?"
    "It was your feeble attempt at controlling your husband, and that never works." I went on to explain that boundaries are not something you "set on" another person. Boundaries are about yourself.
    My client could not say to her husband, "You can't speak to me that way." This demand is unenforceable. But she could say what she would or would not do if he spoke to her that way again. She could set a boundary "on herself". She COULD say "If you speak to me that way I will walk out of the room". This threat is totally enforceable because it has to do with her. She would be setting a boundary with the only person she could control: Herself
    Archangel 77 likes this.
  17. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut


    This is WAY too much work for me. I refuse to make this a full time job. I Do not mean any disrespect.
    EyesWideOpen likes this.
  18. Foxislander

    Foxislander Fapstronaut

    How you doing bro I had a 48 tomorrow we're close as far as our progress I just wanted to see how you're doing answers any tips or tricks you can give me I appreciate have a good one buddy okay
  19. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

    TODAY SUCKED. Counselors advised me to disclose to my daughter.

    I’m going to make this as short as possible.
    In counseling today I was advised that my daughter needs to know that her stepdad fantasized about her. She needs a disclosure if I’m going to decide to work on the marriage.

    I still haven’t decided. I need the full disclosure and the polygraph test before I can decide. But even then I just don’t know. I just don’t know how I’m going to make this work if my daughter has to know about it. I wasn’t planning on telling her until way later. Like maybe never! But his counselor (Professional sex addictiin counselor) and my counselor (FMLT) agreed that a disclosure needs to be made to her if i decide to work on the marriage.... for her safety.

    Now I’m really struggling with this. If I tell her...

    1. She will be heartbroken. She loves him like a father And this will just shape the way she sees men for the rest of her life. Her own dad let her down in other ways and my husband was there for her until this. She will be scarred. She will feel betrayed.

    2. She will not support or understand me being with my husband when she finds this out. She will see me as a hypocrite. Because I have taught her not to let people take advantage of her and if they cross boundaries to stand up for herself. I could very well lose her if I tell her this information and say that I want to work on the marriage. She will feel betrayed by me as well. If I don’t lose her completely, I’m pretty sure she will not come over to the house and our relationship will be changed forever. She is my best little friend. We are so close. She won’t feel comfortable bringing her kids to our house- I know she will very much protect her kids (if she has kids) like I’m protecting her so this could affect me seeing my grandchildren eventually.

    I am so angry at my husband for putting me in this position of choosing my daughter or the love of my life. Either way it is such a loss.

    Why did he let it get this far? Why?
    hope4healing likes this.
  20. I am so sorry that you are in this position....I cannot imagine the tearing inside of your heart over this decision.

    Have you asked your husband if he wants you to tell your daughter? Meaning, would he rather you not tell your daughter / risking your relationship with your own daughter .. even if that meant, etc.

Share This Page