Met dream girl, tried to move ahead, flatline pulling me back

I haven't been around here in a while. I signed in to check on my counter number b/c I'm trying to ground myself on just how long this has been going. 201 days. 6 months. Wow, feels like it's been a lot longer. I'm almost 35. PMO since 16. I keep reading how my reboot shouldn't take this long b/c I didn't start on high speed porn. Well, I spent age 21-34 on high speed so that seems to have done plenty of damage in itself.

I guess my point is that I still have low libido. Occasionally it spikes but when rubber meets the road, it doesn't seem to be there. I was with the most amazing girl the other night. She invited me home straight from a tinder date and I couldn't make a move. Part of the problem was having smoked weed first.

But weed makes some people horny and is even a PMO trigger. But the whole time I'm sitting there, I was just interested in getting to know her more. Even though she clearly wanted sex (she was much younger than me), I was paralyzed. Eventually she made up a BS excuse and kicked me out. That's how mad she was that I wouldn't get sexual with her.

Flatline in this context feels like a haze almost where you're just kind of on the sidelines but don't have that spark to get in the game. The girl was exactly my favorite physical type too. We can't overstate the damage that weed did (it's a seduction killer, avoid it in that context), but also I'm going to say I'm still in a flatline.

Even sober this morning typing this I tried to think about being sexual with her and I couldn't. It's just like: there I was with someone who I got along with, chatting about our horoscopes and everything's great but b/c I had no libido/no drive to escalate quickly, I completely lost her.

What's the point of writing this? I don't know. I meant it to be some kind of helpful observation about flat line. Maybe to say: look, we need to stop acting like 90 days is the big win and understand it could be much longer. And also to people still struggling. Go ahead and quit so you can get to the benefits sooner rather than later. You don't want to be like this and meet your dream girl and then be too locked up and asexual to make your move. It tears me up inside to have blown it. Do whatever you can not to end up in those shoes.