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Mind is playing games

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Saurav04, Dec 1, 2019.

  1. Saurav04

    Saurav04 Fapstronaut

    I am trying to leave PMO for more than 3 years. But I fail everytime, this time I thought I won't go back to PMO again no matter what.
    But I am having thoughts like something explicit how it's done etc. I just opened google and took a little look at it. But I know if I look more I will PMO. I don't want to think about it, but can't control my brain.
    I don't know how some guys able to leave PMO forever. Please if you have some tips, I am on 15 days of no PMO. I don't want to lose streak.
  2. #SoFedUp

    #SoFedUp Fapstronaut

    keep strong man I'm praying for you atm
    Saurav04 likes this.
  3. RestlessEngineer

    RestlessEngineer Fapstronaut

    Great that you have decided to quit Pmo forever mate you won't regret it.
    And for the thought in my experience they are the worst around week 2 and 3 but after that they get better.
    I got through them by meditating or reading whenever i got those thoughts because they both clear my mind and i also started some project of restoring an old rc car so whenever i got those thoughts and i couldn't really meditate or read at that moment i just thought about what i was going improve it and how i would make those improvements.
    Not sayijg you should buy an rc car to do the same but just start a hobby to keep your mind of of those thoughts.
    Hope this can help you a bit and stay strong brother.
    Saurav04 and Mirach like this.
  4. Saurav04

    Saurav04 Fapstronaut

    Thanks, I will start some hobby to keep myself distracted from PMO.
    RestlessEngineer likes this.

    1ANDDONE Fapstronaut

    @RestlessEngineer @Saurav04

    RestlessEngineer has something. Quitting porn, and it has to be quitting, not, simply trying to control it, is best done methodically, with a purpose and a plan. What Restless is saying, without directly saying it, is that you need to plan NOW for avoiding using when you inevitably want to us, in the FUTURE. He is talking about distraction techniques. I used two types when I was in the quitting phase, one immediate, the other planned short trips.

    Remember the purpose of it. Almost all of the people who identify as "porn addicts" unconsciously used porn for a very specific purpose they did not understand: to get high, to get a neurological brain event that happens with the motivational and reward neurotransmitter, dopamine. It is very important to understand that. So, in the quitting phase, you have to be very conscious, and aware, that if you have trained your brain to get that high, every day, for a long time, when you quit giving it that high, it will punish you with withdrawals. This is where the first distraction technique I used might be something you can use--and it does not have to be exactly this, just a habit you develop to prevent a two second sexual thought in your brain from becoming a dopamine drenched sex opera in your head. When quitting the brain will use anything to get a dopamine high, even sexual thoughts, alone, no porn, no PMO. You have to be aware of that, plan on it, be prepared for it, and how to control it. For me, when those thoughts happened, I sucked my tongue off the roof of my mouth, and silently said no no no.

    The other thing you want to do is plan on being around other people as much as possible during the quitting phase. I don't know your environment, but I have a lot of public places, places where people walk and stroll. I spent a ton of time in the local malls when I was quitting. If you are in school, don't go home to study, go to your library and study there. If you work, and have an office, make sure your door is always open. It works on two levels. First, you are not PMOing in a crowded place. Second, being more social, even if it's just being around people, and not doing much interaction, helps distract from the feeling of wanting to use. Porn consumption, itself, is very solitary. Reengaging with other human beings helps. Also, for me, I counted the days, but I also told myself I was quitting forever. You might try to shift your thinking in that direction. I actually quit for one solid year, before I told myself I was no longer in the quitting phase, and that quitting was something I had achieved, as in past tense.

    You can do it, it can be done. For me, I just to embrace the pain of it. Quitting felt like dying to me. I got up every day and said to myself: This feels like dying, but if feeling like dying, every single day, for the rest of my life, is what I have to do to quit, then that is the way I will feel, every day, for the rest of my life. Eventually, a few months out, that feeling went away, and my brain rebalanced, and then, I just started getting up and not thinking about it anymore. That can be your future.

    Much love.

    Will I AM.
    Mirach, Arnuld, Miked132 and 4 others like this.
  6. Your mind is indeed a powerful force to reakon with. The only advice I can give you is hang in there, I believe the longer you stick with it, the better chances at succeeding get

    Good luck
    Mirach likes this.
  7. Saurav04

    Saurav04 Fapstronaut

    Thanks your reply is really helpful. I ponder what you said and is definitely true. I have so many sexual thoughts and positions in mind, I really wished I never seen any of those.
    I kept thinking about it, to be honest now I feel for success in nofap I must control my brain. I opened porn site and closed it thinking no not again. Did it 3 or 4 times till now. Didn't watch any video because I know if I start I will never stop.
    What I have to do is keep the thoughts in controol then I will definitely become achieve success. It is said the brain is the biggest sex organ. I must control it.
    Thanks your advice is really helpful.
  8. Habitual behavior stabilizes mood, creates sense of safety and increases self esteem.
    New behaviors destabilize mood, create stress and reduce self esteem.

    Attempts to change behavior, involve exercising new behavior and new behavior creates stress that you naturally want to address by doing something habitual.
    This is exactly why we see common movie scene - someone get problems at work, and goes missing - people assume he is at the local bar getting drunk.
    Stress forces the person to exercise habitual behaviors to manage it.
    Depressed people begin to clean their home for same reason, process of cleaning and organization improves mood.

    When we encounter stress, we naturally go back to habitual behaviors, because they worked for us in the past.
    Its similar to trying to backtrack to familiar path when you lost your way, being lost is not a good place to be and our body creates stress to make us aware of that danger.

    So any change in behavior automatically forces us to feel in some way miserable, until new behavior becomes stable and habitual.
    This means taking a cold shower first thing in the morning may feel horrible, but after month one may discover they want to have a cold shower, because it became habitual and carries mood benefits.

    Any behavior change has this signature,
    if you drink coffee and stop - you will feel miserable.
    If you wake up 8am and start waking up 6am - you will feel miserable.
    If you drive a car and start taking public transport - you will feel miserable.
    And obviously if you use porn and stop using it - you will feel miserable.

    Feeling of misery is compounded by the fact that behavior itself helps improve mood, drinking coffee in the morning makes you feel happier.
    Not drinking coffee creates stress and you get no mood benefits from drinking it.

    I hope all this comes together to show that habits of any kind (and majority of our behavior is habitual) have massive effect on mood, and it can be said that they are "mood altering"
    Attempts to rapidly change habits on which ones mood is dependent - induce depression and emotional pain.
    We all want to avoid emotional pain as much as we can, we will do anything to make it stop and this is why people go back to habitual behaviors - to manage emotional pain.

    Best example of rapid habit changing experiences is seen when people join the military - their habitual behaviors are broken overnight and everyone suffers from massive depression that lasts few weeks.
    Until new behaviors they have to partake become habitual and offer positive mood benefits, making the person stable and happy.

    Combining all this the explanation for why people cant stop a habit is simple - they depend on the activity to feel normal. Attempts to stop produce misery they are not willing or able to endure and this has nothing to do with pornography this applies to any habit.
    Try stopping using sugar, or drinking coffee. Try stopping highly habitual thing you have been doing for a long time and see how miserable you will feel.

    People go back to using for the same reason you want to move when your body feels discomfort, after you have been sitting for few hours, you never really even become aware of the discomfort, but if you ignore it - it consumes your attention completely.

    Change in lifestyle is often painful emotionally, because new things bring stress and lack of habitual things provides no mood benefits, but any lifestyle eventually becomes habitual and then it feels normal.
    People that never had access to clean water, do not feel bad about it, but people who had access and now do not - get pretty depressed at lest for few weeks or months until it becomes habitual.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2019
    Arnuld and Saurav04 like this.
  9. Saurav04

    Saurav04 Fapstronaut

    Wow that is extemely helpful. Thank you for sharing it. I now understand it better I am sure it will help me fight the addiction.

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