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Mindset of NoFap

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Brockfoor9, May 27, 2018.

  1. Brockfoor9

    Brockfoor9 Fapstronaut

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    It has been a long time, probably 4-5 months since I have posted on this site. Tbh, I'm not sure why I am posting. I'm not sure anyone will read this or if it will help anyone, but I'm going to just speak what is on my mind. To get anyone who may read this caught up to speed about me, I have been on a NoFap journey for about 11 months. In those post 11 months I have had very strong streaks and then streaks where I can't go more than a day without......you know.

    In these past 11 months a lot of things have crossed my mind and have affected my opinions and outlooks on NoFap.

    1.) NoFap is all in your head. It's no secret, I started this journey wanting the superpowers. I wanted to confidence and the willpower and the benefits everyone always talked about. But, I've learned that these benefits are not actually real. Let me explain. Quitting pmo for ONLY this reason is not going to work. All the benefits people receive from NoFap is a mindset of how they feel about themselves. That's why some people can still pmo and still be super confident because in their mind it doesn't bother them. If you're on this journey for only a surface level aspect like this, you will fail everytime, guaranteed.

    2.) Our bodies our sexual engines. The urges don't go away. The desire for sex is natural. Whether you believe it is a gift from God or instinctual, it's there and always will be. Some people, including myself, have been or are afraid of what their bodies will do because they fear the urges. YOU WANT THE URGES! You want that one day to be an urge for a wife. Don't fear the urge. It does get easier, but it takes a while.

    3.) What comes first? What I mean is what comes first: The urge for sex or the urge for porn? If the urge for sex(natural) is first then that is okay. That normal and healthy and should be happening. It's only what you do with it from there that CAN become bad. If porn comes first that NoFap is definitely something that you should embrace and that is not natural and you can, if you haven't already, develop serious side effects from continued pmo.

    4.) I don't think NoFap is for everyone. Honestly. Of course, people who are serious addicts and have health problems and social issues form pmo should do NoFap. But, as I said earlier NoFap is a mindset. What if you could be everything you want and still watch porn? Some guys do. They have great jobs, marriages, charisma, etc. and still watch porn. Because in their minds that can separate the garbage from reality. I am not in anyway advocating porn is a good thing. In fact, I think it is the worst thing on the planet. But, just as some people can drink alcohol and not let it bother their lives while others become alcoholics who destroy theirs, the same can be said with porn. It is always a risk with watching it, but I truly believe you CAN get to where you want to be without NoFap. Although, NoFap is a proven way to help your life!

    5.) Release/Ejaculation is normal and will/should happen. All too many times I hear guys ask what a relapse is. This is a relapse in my opinion- a forced artificial ejaculation in an instance where it was not necessary or naturally occurring. Meaning, if you had a wet dream, it is not a relapse because it is normal. If you have sex, it is not a relapse. In my opinion if you masturbate because you have a raging hard-on and its a "need"(it can get to the point where it is a need), it's not a relapse. But, if its to porn, too frequently, not needed, or simply done in an artificial addictive context, its a relapse. Our bodies are sexual engines like I said earlier. Once a man is post pubescent, his body will want to ejaculate. It's normal and healthy. Some studies actually show that holding in your ejaculate and sperm can be damaging! That's why you have wet dreams. It is your bodies way of ejaculating what it has built up. They are quite common and in most cases they go away. But, if they don't, enjoy it! You're getting a release without relapsing or crossing boundaries. Hoe can you say you relapsed when your body is doing a normal bodily function?! That's just absurd.

    6.) Finally, Just live your life. I've learned and observed that the guys who don't watch porn are the ones who live such busy and insanely happy/great lives that they don't even think about it! And if/when they do it is so far in between that it does not effect their lives in the slightest. You have to make yourself busy. But, do something that you are passionate about! Use your sexual energy into productive energy. I'm going to start learning how to pop/hip hop/club dance because I have always wanted to learn. If your life is dull and boring, you'll sit around and think about NoFap and do nothing but try to resist urges and that will not work. EVER! I live in a very small town with little to do. Most of my friends have moved away and I spend a lot of time doing "nothing." But, I'm taking matters into my own hands and making myself more busy. I'm also going to move in the next year! It will help with NoFap going to a place with more to do and I've wanted to anyway for a long time now. But, do something productive and live a life to the point that pmo has no place in it!

    In conclusion: I have learned alot about myself and what NoFap is really all about in the past 11 months. At first, I beat myself up so bad at relapses that it would ruin me for several days! I would fear urges and do nothing but think about NoFap and prepare for the next wave to fight off. I have come along way, but I'm not saying I'm healed. I personally don't know if I have to go 90 days without pmo to get where I want to be. I want to quit porn and have taken many significant steps to do so. But, the only reason is because I just don't want to. It doesn't effect my confidence, illusion towards women, self-esteem, etc. like it does to other people. Again, I'm not saying it doesn't effect me and that porn is good. I'm saying that NoFap is a mindset. Your confidence and game with women and willpower and self-esteem are all in your head! Quitting porn and masturbation alone does not heal/boost these things. It's what you do with your life. Getting better with women and confidence only comes form interacting with them, not quitting porn. Yes, a guy with sever anxiety due to porn needs to quit pmo first, possibly, before doing this. But, these benefits come with action. I just don't want porn anymore in my life because......I just don't want it. But, if I get to the point where I am ejaculating/looking at porn once a week or once a month does that mean I don't have the great potential to still be everything I want to be?! HECK NO!! Some guys would love to be able to only look at porn that infrequently. I'm still striving to quit porn and put it all behind me. But, I can still be the man I want to be if it is still that infrequently. When someone gets a girlfriend/wife at that point in their life they can kick the habit. Of course, strive for absolutely no porn in anyway. Porn is not good. Especially when in a relationship. Your only outlet should be your wife/girlfriend. But, porn has not effected my sex life at all. It's simply a habit I want to quit. I'm not addicted where I HAVE to have porn. It's just a bad habit I do periodically. Of course I want to quit and will continue to do so. I guess, I'm saying that I can still get to where I want to be before I finish this journey and maybe that will be what gets me over the hump and finishes this journey. Don't put your life on hold saying that it doesn't start until NoFap is completed. Start living your life now. Again, everyone is different and these are my opinions. But, everyone's journey is different and yours is defined by your beliefs and your actions :)

    God Bless!
     

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