Mindset, Perfectionism, and Procrastination

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Conor101, Jan 7, 2017.

  1. Conor101

    Conor101 Fapstronaut

    I've exams coming up in 2 days and I'm wasting time on the internet. Not P but still. Even if you take the internet away from me, I'd find something else to waste time on, anything to distract myself from actually studying. This has been going on all my life. Despite countless failures in the recent past, I'm still essentially a perfectionist. I want everything to go perfectly or else I'd not try at all. This is a dangerous attitude, but one that I haven't really been able to overcome. And because I wasn't regular with my studies all year, there's no way I can do something truly satisfying now. Because I know in the back of my mind, that had I really worked all year, put in consistent efforts, I could've achieved something really good and SATISFYING and heartfelt. But studying right now in the last minute though might help me pass, I'll not get that FEELING of knowing in my heart that I gave it everything I could.
    So I distract myself with anything I can get my hands on, internet, movies, Pinterest, WikiHow, 10-12 hour sleep, and hate to acknowledge, even NoFap (I've been spending way too much time here the last two days).
    And that's not all. Another root cause of why I procrastinate is that I've a FIXED MINDSET as opposed to a GROWTH MINDSET. I, who have a fixed mindset believe that people are either talented or not, that they're born with traits that make make them smart and successful or not. That people cannot improve overtime with effort and persistence and BECOME smart and successful. And all people with a fixed mindset believe that they're inherently born to succeed. That things will come easy to them. And as soon as they fall short of this expectation, they do things like what I've been doing for the last few years. Not put in any effort at all. And what's the end result? They fail obviously. "But hey, that's because we didn't try. If we'd, we would've succeeded. Because we're born smart and things would come easy to us".
    It's really pathetic.
    Quite recently I discovered about the growth mindset. To quote from mindsetonline.com
    "In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong.

    In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities."
    There's actually a lot of research to back this up. Dr. Carol Dweck brought this difference in mindsets to light through her book Mindset, her TED talk, and research.

    I'm trying to realise this idea but procrastination has become chronic, a habit for me. So it's difficult but I'm trying.
    One thing I'm trying to do is to create everyday routines for different times of the day, say, exercise at 6, eating healthy breakfast at 9, sit in front of a book at these times, you get the idea. I expect these routines to grow into habits, ones that have the power to change my life. This way instead of fighting or resisting to do wrong things, we simply got better things to do, because they've become habits to us.
    I plan on reading a few self development books, like The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg in the future when I get time. I recently read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson and that helped me get a little perspective as to how things work.

    Sorry for such a long post. Hope you take away something from this.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
  2. Ad4gio

    Ad4gio Fapstronaut

    Great post. Perfectionism a dangerous bug that too often flies under the radar because it's often viewed as a good thing. I do a lot of things you mentioned above to the letter - especially when it comes to procrastination and inaction. One of the problems is that the goals perfectionists set for themselves are impossible to reach to begin with - so when we either can't attempt them or fail to reach them, we feel like failures and are very hard on ourselves... and then comes the old killer line "If only I just work harder!"

    You really hit something on the head here - to overcome perfectionism, you have to fall in love with the process (and growth) - not just the results. Set your goals realistically (but still high), forgive yourself when you slip up, realize that you are your own harshest critic...

    Again, great post.
  3. Dziki007

    Dziki007 Fapstronaut

    Procastination is very bad habit i struggle with it in me for very long time. Its like doing everything but not that important thing you need to do right now and after some time you try do it in short period of time and stress comes in and you do it with no pleasure or satisfation. This is very bad habit i need to fix it too in my life.
    Conor101 likes this.
  4. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    I must admit since the new year I've cut off all addictions, except procrastination. My "excuse" is that not doing possibly degrading stuff like fap, eating refined sugar and all kinds of junkfood, playing video games etc. is good enough. Sure it's certainly better than doing the mentioned activities, but it's certainly not enough. And here I stand having a presentation due tomorrow, but have not yet even started except thinking some stuff here and there these last days. Instead carefully planning and doing the research, instead spending time on my work, rather then on this site (although it does in a way help me not relapse) or some other unfruitful activity. Well we all know the saying that if you are standing still you are moving backwards. And that's what procrastination is - moving backwards. You can read all the self-help books you want OP, they not gonna do a thing if you don't apply what's said in them. Actually instead reading them you can just observe yourself. There isn't really anything some book will tell you more about yourself, then you already know. It may only change your world view and by changing your world view you can change your behaviour. Keep in mind the two are not always correlated. You can expand your knowledge bout self-improvement, psychology,philosophy... but it takes that special something to keep you going. First figure out what it is, then figure out how to get it. Common sense, yet not common practice is it?
    Conor101 and hueY300 like this.
  5. hueY300

    hueY300 Fapstronaut

    I realised just now that I might have a fixed mindset. I have always thought that I was to succeed in some way. I need to change that... Thank you for posting this.
    Conor101 likes this.
  6. Conor101

    Conor101 Fapstronaut

    That SPECIAL SOMETHING. I've been thinking a lot lately, yet I've no clue what it is. I've no idea what I want out of life, what I'm passionate about. Sure I've likes and dislikes. As a kid I wanted to be the best in a lot of things. But as an adult, I realise you've to pick your battles. And I'm still at a loss as to what they're. I just don't feel it in my heart. That passion. That special something.
  7. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

    I am a master procrastinator and I've also struggled with getting out of a very toxic all-or-nothing mindset, which basically caused me a lot of anxiety, stress, frustration and sadness over the years. It was hard work turning my mind into one of opportunity and letting go of all my unrealistic expectations to myself (as well as other people's expectations), as well as my supposed talents and what not.

    Long story short I drop-kicked my ego hard in the face, put on my Hakuna Matata hat and decided to just do what makes me happy and not giving a dong-deedle about other people's judgment of me. No more. No less.
    >>>Time enjoyed wasting, is not wasted time.<<< Very important to remember.

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