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Miserable but want to fight!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Hanumesh Santhanam, Apr 28, 2019.

  1. Hello everyone,

    I come here as a pretty miserable individual; basically the diametric opposite of an alpha male who is completely hooked onto pmo... oh and yes there is also one more issue that being the fact that I have ED at 26.
    I started porn at the age of 14. Being kind of shy and having absolutely zilch game, I basically felt porn is my go to.
    It seems that about a decade later, it has come back to bite me in the ass. Today was the first time my girlfriend who I started dating 2 months ago and I decided to get physical. However, I couldnt get fully erect. She was giving me a bj and still I barely felt a thing. Growing up watching porn, I always hoped that it would just be bloody amazing. However, it wasnt and it understandably upset her.

    So now here are certain patterns of behavior I see with respect to my arousal
    1) I do have morning wood and its like 80-90% erect.
    2) If I see porn again I get 80-90% erect. Even thinking of porn or visual images makes me erect. However, if I am with my girl, I am struggling to get erect. The touch of her skin, the french kissing everything is very different to what I imagined it to be when I saw it in porn. I am able to cum when I shag but when she tries to jerk me off, my dick is like a clueless dumbfuck. I am almost frozen. I do not know what has caused this and do not know since when I have had this issue as its the first time I am physical with someone. But it sucks. And I believe its pmo. I am healthy and workout regularly so I do not feel its another health issue.

    I am requesting help from all of you as I need to get my life back on track. Could you please help me out with some of my questions?

    1) Is it fair to say that it is indeed PMO that has had such a detrimental effect on my dick? Are these typical symptoms of pied?
    2) If I nofap for long enough will this living hell go away?
    3) Do I need to contemplate showing this ossye to a doctor?
    4) I am very stressed at the moment as I have a big exam in a month. The urges to fap when I am studying kill me. Should I begin nofap right now or wait till my exams are done? I know its a weird question but the arousal breaks my study rhythm.

    I was the last person that I felt will have ED of all things. But looking at everyone here, I still have hope that eveb i will be able to overcome this and be a better human being.

    Thanks,
    Hanu
     
  2. Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.
    You can get better.
    Read, learn and start making your plan.
     
  3. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    I am loathe to give advice, but I can relate your questions to my own experience when I was your age.
    1) I started PMO when I was 13 and it was my only sexual release until college. I could not get an erection with my gf until I stopped PMO.
    2) Long term members of this community testify that things get easier. I was able to stop on my own in the past and urges dissipated. Life crises hit and I resorted to PMO the same way other addicts resort to alcohol, cocaine, etc.
    3) Couldn't hurt. It might ease your mind to rule out ED.
    4) If the arousal breaks your study rhythm, doesn't the ritual of looking at porn, fantasizing, masturbating, and repeating the cycle also take up valuable time? I am not in your shoes, but, I find it difficult to believe that starting a good habit would be detrimental to studying.

    As mentioned earlier, I am loathe to give advice as I hardly set a good example. We are all in this together, however, so I hope my reply has been of some help. Thank you for your candor and for reaching out. Best of luck with your exam and gf.
     
  4. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

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    Hey dude,
    First of all, it is totally normal to not perform the greatest the first time you hook up with someone. I’m 35 and this is almost a normal thing the first time a i hook up with a woman. Usually i try to focus on her so that the pressure is off me. Secondly, yes i do think that PMO is detrimental to sexual relationships. Think about it. If you get in your car every day and you sit in the Same position, mirrors adjusted the same way, radio on your favorite station, then all of a sudden you try someone else’s car, your driving skills will suck. It’s kind of like that with with PMO. You get used to your hand and everything else feels wrong. A doctor wont hurt, but neither would quitting PMO. Good luck!
     
  5. Dear Pashka.

    Thanks a million for your reply. I hope I can stick to nofap and get out of this hell. I believe sometimes the place in the world is rock bottom where I feel I have landed up. From here on in, I would like to believe things will only get better.
    As far as your life crises are concerned, I dont know what happened and how it affected you but I pray that whatever divine force exists, it gives you the strength to deal with it. Please feel free to share if you would like.
    Thanks and God bless people like you.
     
    Pashka likes this.
  6. Dear Inkazak,
    Love the analogy. Makes so much sense. My dick is so used to my own hand that it now doesnt like anyone elses and basically doesnt even know how to react it. I will concentrate more on her pleasure as you stated, not mine.
    Thanks a million for your reply.
    People like you keep me going .
     

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