Mistakes That Made Me Relapse

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Phast, Jun 3, 2020.

  1. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    - Being too nice. You can't make everyone happy all the time. There are times when they have bad days and nothing you cando can cheer them up. Just be yoursrlf and help whenever you can and "with ever" you can sacrifice. If you can't help them or if you exhausted your pool of advice, stop. Maybe it's their time to solve their problems themselves.

    - Not living the life you want. For example, I'm spending most of my time alone to read and reflect, but people say bad things about me (and to my face) because I don't socialize. I socialized many times and felt like selling my soul to the devil for nothing. So, what if I don't attend parties? What if I don't get invites? Leave me alone!

    - Spending time alone when your roommate visits his family for the weekend. I read from a Fapstronaut that we only jack off when we're alone and when we make sure no one can hear us. The solution is to pretend that people always watch us when we jack off.

    - TV and online vids. I once wanted to watch some anime on the Internet, but that website has ads featuring girls in hot bikinis and captions like "your girlfriend is gonna be jealous."
    Today, I was watching a walkthrough of Final Fantasy 10 until Tidus met Rikku in clothes I call "stripper clothes for Halloween." I felt I was gonna switch to a porn website and jack off to a video.
    I used to watch Maury and Jerry Springer, but you know the contents of these shows - women talk about sexual positions they had with their ex boyfriends and women shaking their asses when they hear "You are the father."

    - Watching romantic vids. They make me objectify women and see them as potential pornstars.

    - Eating too much junk food or drinking too much soft drinks. I find them evils that say "one relapse won't hurt."

    - Watching porn without jerking off. I believed I could resist porn cuz I was little more than 2 months clean. I watched for days until I found myself unable to focus. I relapsed to regain that concentration. I lost the glow in my skin.

    Edit: I'll add more whenever I remember more past mistakes.

    - Boredom. didn't know what to do. I didn't feel like doing something productive. I think I was flatlining and confuses it with a life crisis. I wanted out and relapsing was the answer (so I thought).

    - Always expecting bad things to happen. I was bullied many times at school and on the streets. These experiences made me expect the bullies to come to me each time I go out. But there were times where they're not there. I should've made myself walk comfortably when they're not around. I didn't do it because they made me feel afraid even when I'm home. What I should've done is treat my house like a sanctuary. I should see my house like a paradise. I shouldmake my house a place to rest.

    - Letting problems accrue. This can happen by being too nice. You think all your sacrifices are worth it until you realize you haven't lived for yourself. You realized you wasted too much time and gave up opportunities that never happen very often. For the second time, only sacrifice what can't affect you greatly. Also, don't sacrifice a lot of time for other people. Time doesn't stop for nice people. Time treats everyone the same. It doesn't matter how nice or mean you are to people. Time ticks and ticks.

    - Social media.
    I joined many groups to help and get help, but some women are hot. They make me imagine them in bed with me. Some wear sexy clothes andnot to mention the selfies that make them hotter.

    - Holding it in. I noticed that when I don't go to the toilet, I get naughty thoughts. Why don't I immediately go, you ask?
    Cuz of social media, bollywood movies, tv series that have many sex scenes (You know what I'm talking about), and music vids.

    Edit: Go to the toilet and pee as hard as you can. The urge will go away.

    - Not taking a shower after waking up smelly. I always said to myself "never again" but I always succumb to PMO because the urges when you're dirty intensify.

    Edit: When I wanted to take a shower, I fapped b4 the shower. I was wrong. Shower cures you from the dirty thoughts.

    - Getting impatient because you're too far from Day 30. I can relate. I can relate. We all want to document our progress in tbe success stories section. But time doesn't speed up for any person. It won't slow down for anyone either. If you check the counter you'll see 5 days 9 days 13 days 19 days. Just try to live in the moment and do something that can help you in the long run.

    - Chaser effect. It means getting urges after you have sex. Ever since the sex I had last month, things happened to me. I started eating too many ice creams on the weekends or when I get the chance. I also started watching things that contain p subs.

    - Not asking for help. I'm too proud of my self. I have an ego so large I ignore people's advice. I should start listening to them.

    - Adding pressure to yourself thinking you can sustain it as long as you can live. Yeah! I was wrong. I should do me when I'm free. My time is my time. I helped when I must help. My time is my time only.

    - Holding yourself from expressing your emotions. When some employees said something I liked, I hold myself from expressing my reaction.

    - Not getting angry when you should (Holding yourself from expressing your emotions). I held myself from putting people in their place. I did that because there are good people I'm always nice to and don't them to see my angry side. I gues they must see me stand up for myself, so they can stand up for themselves.

    - Waking up without energy. It turns out I was hungry and I just needed to eat.

    - Feeling hungry and mistaking it for negative emotions. Just eat. It happened when I woke up.

    - Ordering too much food and after eating you leave leftovers. I ordered food for 2 people thinking I was that hungry. I instead ate it all though I felt full and became more bloated. One guy who goes to the gym says people who are overweight don't have motivations. I guess bloating makes you want to fap to escape your situation.

    - Starting your day with a foul mood. It happened tome several times. My mood changed after doing things such as taking a shower, having breakfast, or having a strong will to put off food for some time.

    - Feeling trapped and unable to do anything. I'm an introvert and can pursue my goals when I'm alone. Too many visits or interactions drive me crazy.

    - Having sexual thoughts. Since October 2020, I've fantasized a lot. That made me precum. When I get precum, I reset my counter. I didn't. I kept fantasizing without shifting my focus to someone else (e.g. a goal I haven't reached). I think the reason why I fantasized is because I started eating sugary foods and drinking sugary drinks after I quit sugar for months. Maybe the reason is I wanted to escape reality (I was too nice and couldn't stop being too nice). Maybe the reason is I felt trapped and couldn't express my frustration. The latter reason must be why. Believe me! I'm stuck at some situation I can't avoid. If I fight it, I'll be in more trouble. This is why I decided to get out of my comfort zone, improve myself, develop my skills, then be more capable of walking away from that situation.

    - Looking for validation. Here's how it looks. When you meet your friend, co-worker, a stranger, you try to sense his feelings in order to see if they approve of you. This is wrong. A person who looks for validation has a stupid look on their face. Thusly, they'll perceive you as a pathetic person. The actions of these validation seekers make them stupider.

    No one likes pathetic people. At all!!

    I once read a reddit post. It's about too nice guys who overcame their stupid niceness. One person said he was playing an online game (I think it was War of Warcraft). He chose a female character on purpose then played as her. He then said many male players tried to flirt with him (They didn't know he was a guy). The guy sensed their awkwardness and too much niceness from their interaction with him. They made pick-up lines he would use with girls. He sensed they wanted him to do things for him just because they were nice. They were cringy to him. From that moment, he decided to change his act.

    As a rule of thumb, you should try to sense people's feelings to see how you can carry out a conversation with them, not to see if they approve of you. I'm not saying you shouldn't be nice. Just be nice in some situations, with "some" being the operative word.

    - Not speaking clearly. This is something I'm suffering from. When a coworker does something wrong in their job, I tell them what they did wrong with fear and with stutter :oops:. My heart race to find appropriate words :eek:. But I should've told them more clearly. After all, they know I like to help. Even I struggled to describe this section of this thread lol. Let me try again. When someone does something wrong in their job, I don't speak clearly. I sound like a person beating around the bush. I beat around the bush, so I won't hurt their feelings (I fear making them sad or angry :confused:). I should speak more clearly. After all, they know I'm a person who likes to help. Do you know how I beat the bush? I always stop mid sentence to find appropriate words. When I don't find the appropriate words, I use the words that comes to mind then say something like "It's OK. Even I make this mistake." I used it on some people many times. The funny thing is when I tell people even I made these mistake before, I lied. I've never made some of their mistakes :D. I can't believe some people were so patient with me :emoji_anguished:! I really should stop beating around the bush.

    Edit: The best cure to beating around the bush is giving people the information in its kinda plain form. Since they do speak clearly with you, speak clearly with them. Also, imagined a person use the same tactic on you. Imagine them stopping mid sentence to find appropriate words. This tactic is patronizing as well as cringy. You'll even hate to listen to them, let alone asking them for help. I once met a person like that few years ago. I cringed, although I'm a nice guy.

    - Disappointed because you relapse on Day 7, 10, 15, 30, 40, 90, 150, 300, 500+. After my 70 something day streak, I relapsed. I felt like I cheated. I felt like a hypocrite. And I felt that time goes too slowly. I wanted to reach Day 70 something right now. I wanted my counter set on that day. But it was zero. Zero! I worked very hard for it. I even refused free soft drinks and ice cream. I forgo many things to do a 2-month streak. All of that went down the drain. I felt like a person who burned his land after working on it for two months. The two months felt like a year. This is why I didn't have the motivation to start over. I relapsed over and over to escape that disappointment :confused:!

    Edit: From personal experience, HIIT helped me restore some glow my skin had and lose weight in a short time.

    - Drinking energy drinks. This is a personal experience. I drank 2 energy drinks a day. All this time, they were causing me to relapse.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2021
  2. Parv Jain

    Parv Jain Fapstronaut

    50
    5,994
    113
    My Journal
    Brother better u share everything with someone even shortest progress in this...
    And do as much conversation u can about this...
     
  3. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    I'll see what I can do.
    Thanks for the advice.
     
  4. Tianbin33

    Tianbin33 Fapstronaut

    37
    50
    18
    Days 9
    Today is Sunday and i'll going to church
    Happy Weekend Everyone
     
  5. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Day 9 is a good progress. See you on the next day.
     
  6. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

  7. I'm following you now. It's Day 1 for me. Let's see how far we can go
     
    Muhammad Husayn and Phast like this.
  8. Tianbin33

    Tianbin33 Fapstronaut

    37
    50
    18
    Days 11
    Today is Tuesday and i have a late soccer game at night
    So no Porno today :p
     
    Muhammad Husayn and Phast like this.
  9. Tianbin33

    Tianbin33 Fapstronaut

    37
    50
    18
    Mindset is everything , keep calm and stop jerking Brother :D
     
  10. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    You can do it.
     
  11. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Yes. Finding something other than porn is good.
     
    Muhammad Husayn likes this.
  12. Great post! I struggle with “being too nice”. I’m in the process of cutting out a friend who drives me nuts. I finally realized it’s not worth the stress.
     
  13. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    How's your progress going?
     
  14. I relapsed today, 4 times: 2 times it was porn. Yesterday it was 1 time with porn. Before that it was a 5 day streak. I really lost it today. I removed the counter as it was not helping to see 0 days and I actually use spreadsheet
     
  15. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    You did the right thing. Counters can make you impatient with day 30 and desperate for benefits. What we ought to do is look at our current problems, understand them, then solve them.
     
  16. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Yes. One of thenice things you can do to people is leave them with their problems. They, too, have to stand up without crutches in order to tackle other problems they have.

    You have one life. Don't waste a lot of it over people.

    We can't expect tge world to be nice to us just because we are nice. This is because each person can at times become so occupied with their problems they can't give up a second of their lives to listen to you.
     
  17. Thanks for the post! I will bookmark the post :).
     
  18. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    You're welcome, King Fisher.
     
    Muhammad Husayn likes this.
  19. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    How's your progress going?
     
  20. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    I lost hope after I relapsed in the past. It turned out this is the effect of OMO. BE PATIENT. IMPROVE.
     

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