Mixing with the right crowds

FormerFapaholic

Fapstronaut
ONE of my self-improvements, is looking at spending more time with people that make a positive influence on me. Those that inspire (and can also help me) on making me a person. Motivated and more focused on self-improvements, reaching and achieving goals I’ve set myself to do.

I’m lucky and appreciate that I have friends. But I'll give an example with this one friend I have. He’s been great to me over the years when I’ve been down as well as the good times. In recent times though, whenever I go to see and spend time with him. We’re always at his house, sat in front of his XBox and wasting time watching pointless YouTube videos. Believe you and me, he can sit there for hours on end just doing that.

A lot of the time, I get bored, restless and want to get out there and do things. There’s more to life than a games console and sat in front of your TV. I always end up making some excuse on wanting to leave, and make better use of my spare time.

Whenever I suggest doing something – as in get out somewhere. He’s quick to dismiss my suggestions. Simply because he can’t be bothered, of which he says that he ‘can’t be assed’ in response to some of them. Other times, he says that he’s skint (cashflow problem), which is fair enough. Virtually every time I go out and do things, I invite him along when he’s free. Again, he’s quick to say no. I feel like giving up with him at times.

I don’t want to cut ties with him – because he’s been a great friend to me over the years. But I feel that we’re growing apart now. It’s dawned on me that our outlook in life is now very different. He’s become more of an acquaintance these days than a friend.

To stay on good terms, I’ve decided not to make as much effort for him. Simply because I don’t feel that he’s making a positive influence on me anymore. Maybe it’s down to that I’ve changed and grown up a bit. With the clarity gained from quitting PMO and social media has really helped me put things into perspective.

As well as spending more time and making with effort with those who make me feel good and have a positive influence on me and my life. The ones that do make effort for me in return. The people that really matter. At the other end of the scale, I’ve decided to not make (as much) effort for those who don’t – or cut my ties with them altogether. I don’t need them in my life, nor would they leave a big gap in it.

This is one of the reasons I have been taking up voluntary work. Where I’ll meet new people, that can help and inspire of making a positive influence on me, but also on others. Where I can learn something new. Learn new skills, gain experience and give something back to the community.

With making self-improvements. Has changing your social circle and network of people been one of the changes you decided to make in the process?
 
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Hey FF,

Thanks for your post. It's relatable. It sounds like you did learn much from this friend.

Interestingly, your friend is basically doing what I did a while ago! So it was interesting hearing what you were seeing, as it's likely what my friends saw of me

Below I've put what your friend might be seeing, if you are interested in why he may be this way. I can't tell you what to do with him. But I've brought friends down without that being my intention, so the below may be close to what your friend is experiencing:

Possibly your friend is looking for sympathy. Your friends actions mirror my own. As bad as it sounds, I realised I was kind of looking for sympathy myself from my friends, and realised this too late. Not because I wanted to bring them down; I just really felt I needed it.

It's up to you what you want do with this friend. If he is like me, he may be looking for sympathy. And that's alright, everyone feels a need to wallow a bit. May be worth keeping tabs on him in case he's wallowing too much. But don't wallow with him; your decisions in your post are positive decisions.

Hope this helped. I'm actually looking to mend my relationships with the friends I've alienated by being down. What would you want to say to your friend, regarding what you think of them? That's something that would benefit me, because I really don't know what they are exactly feeling. It seems you may know?

Cheers,
LC
 
To be fair to him. He has been down for a while, and doesn't like being out of his comfort zone. He knows that I'm there for him if he needs me and vice versa.
 
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