Mom and Dad I'm divorcing you...

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. DriverPaul

    DriverPaul Fapstronaut

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    I know that this is not related to PMO at all but I think it's important to get it off my chest. I think that if they call, I will say the short version, but I wanted to get down other important points. *GULP*:eek:

    I just wanted to say it once and for all, so that there is no misunderstanding:
    I propose a “quiet time” for all of us—Some radio silence.

    I don’t want you to call.
    I don’t want you to SMS or email.
    I will not be replying. Please don’t assume that something is wrong. I am okay

    Please don’t send any money.
    Please don’t send any care packages on birthdays or Christmas.

    Stop here
    ——————————-
    Any sort of contact from you and acceptance of gifts has been damaging and not helpful. $3000 is laughable. I received twice that amount from complete strangers To help my transition here in the UK. K and I are in a place that is akin to hell And we have only ourselves to rely on for any help.K is in hell because she receives no help from anyone and has to raise two children all by herself.

    I am in hell because I cannot be with her and she feels very let down and abandoned by me. SHE HAS LOST ALL HOPE. I am sad, despondent, and have absolutely no ambition to do anything Nor the means.

    I try to spend only £50 a week for myself so that she can have the majority of my paycheque. I have lost weight Because eating bargain .42 p spaghetti and sauce daily is not a healthy lifestyle – – – trust me you do not want to see my picture. Each month has a new surprise for us and an unexpected cost

    In the last 15 years, we were only able to go on vacation one time.
    Yet another year goes by and P has to explain to his peers that he spent his vacation in S$£"!%

    You can see it in his eyes – – –He's 10. he understands and can compare himself to other children because he is of the age that he understands these things

    I want Better for my children
    P deserves better
    K deserves better
    I really don’t know what I’m going to do; but I will move heaven and earth to try and provide better for these children – – to try and provide better for K.

    One of the biggest lies that I have propagated is riding in on the “America” horse. K should’ve left me then Because I Barely owned the shirt I had on my back.

    She Deserves a better husband.

    I deserve a better mother and father.

    Another one of the biggest lies that I have told myself, is that I modelled my life after you, dad:

    I saw your recipe for success was :
    1. Work more and harder , That’s all I know because you hadn’t shared anything else besides that. Your Life is like a black box to me

    I tried to follow this formula because this is the only thing I know how to do. I was never taught anything by you of value. I was never taught how to manage money, I was never taught a trade. You never took time to teach me anything else because I feel like you believed that I was not capable of doing anything—-you Did not and still do not believe in me. If you did believe in me, you would loan me $25,000. I can't remember 1 time in my life when I brought home an achievement from school and heard the words from you "I'm Proud of you".

    The only Thing I have left from you are these misconceptions:
    1. Avoid Conflict
    2. You should be perfect
    3. What's wrong with you?
    4. Don’t follow your dreams
    5. We don’t talk about money
    6. It is the Christian way to be hypocritical
    7. it's normal to expect your children to fail
    8. Don’t make so much noise; stop talking so much
    9. It’s okay to leave your family and live abroad for financial gain
    10. Be Humble---In the race of life, let someone who is more capable take the lead
    Worst of all is this which is the chokehold that is suffocating our relationship:

    You never got to know me. You never listened to my heart. i used to look up to you And I thought we were the same. I modelled a lot of my life after you. In my own misguided way, I thought that my move to the UK was an enabler just as America was enabler for you. Now I wish I was an orphan and not related to you. I’m tired of being fake. I will not continue to have fake discussions where I should just smile and say everything is okay.

    I ask God to cut myself from you and I will pray for you (because I follow God, and God's law Honour Thy Mother and Father, and I will look to God the Father to fill the gaps in my person to make me a better spiritual father), and I ask God to take care of you, I need to be free from you and I need to be myself.

    God Bless You ! Enjoy your life without me. I think it would be easier for you TOO!!!
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2019
  2. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    I have had strained relations with my parents, too. It is a hard thing. Note: They are under no obligation whatsoever to financially support you as an adult child. $3k is nothing to sneeze at, and $25k is a princely sum which you are not owed. if you do speak with your parents about this, definitely stick to the short script and not the long one. You sound very angry and that anger will not help in clear communication with them, especially your father.

    I am praying for peace for all of you as you navigate these tricky waters.
     
    Mick2109 and onceaking like this.
  3. Mick2109

    Mick2109 New Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you are in a very unhappy place right now. Sorry to hear that. Christ and his Holy Spirit see your pain, and they are praying for you (Romans 8:26-27,34). Yes, sometimes there is value in distancing ourselves from people who have a destructive influence in our lives. However, there is never value in holding onto anger. Anger is a natural response to being sinned against, but we need to find a way to deal with it with God. The following two step process can help. (1) Find a way of expressing the hurt and anger and any desire for revenge to God, and then give it over to him. The lament and imprecatory Psalms are the best model for doing this. I suggest reading through the Psalms until you find one that speaks to your situation, and then using this to shape your own prayer to God. Psalm 55 is one that comes to mind that might be helpful in your situation. (2) Learn to forgive. This has to happen, or else the rest of your life will be poisoned by bitterness. However, this should happen after step 1, because otherwise you are likely to just suppress your hurt and anger rather than genuinely forgiving. The secret to forgiving people who have sinned against us in a serious way is to come to terms with how much we ourselves have been forgiven. The story of the merciful king and the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 is helpful. The merciful king forgave his servant the debt of 10,000 talents. A talent was a unit of weight that was supposed to be equivalent to what a man could carry on his back, and what was being weighed in this case was gold or silver. Therefore the picture here is of an army of 10,000 men fully laden with gold or silver. In today's terms we are not talking about millions of dollars, but billions, the kind of money that only governments or multi-national corporations have. It would hurt a king to write off a debt that large. And that is the point. This is a picture of our sin before God. This is a debt we could never repay, even if we worked for 1000 lifetimes, and it hurt the king to bear this debt for us - it cost him the life of his only Son. After this, the servant went out and refused to forgive his fellow servant who owed him a debt of 100 denarii. A denarius was a silver coin that was equivalent to what a skilled labourer would be paid for a day's work (unskilled labourers would be paid less). So this would be about 4 months' pay. If someone owed me that much money and refused to pay me I would be upset. And that is the point too. The sins that other people commit against us are real and serious and hard to forgive. The only thing that makes them look small is the debt of 10,000 talents that God has forgiven us. The more we fix our eyes on Jesus, and see how much he has forgiven us, the easier we find it to forgive others.
     
  4. pman22

    pman22 New Fapstronaut

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    I have had strained relationships with my parents as well, and I can give you a word of advice:

    Prayer Works!!!

    Please continue to pray for your parents! Pray for them to know God's love, to get closer to him. My father prayed for me, and as a result not only was I saved and came to Christ but our relationship was completely healed and restored. There were points in my life where I said I didn't want to see him at all. If you had told me he'd be saved or I would be saved, I would've said no way. Now we are not only extremely close, but we discuss the word of God together, pray together, and he is not only my Dad but one of the people I am closest to.

    At one point, I had to move out of my Moms house into my Dads house because I was so disrespectful to her. I was lost, abusing drugs, lust, and disrespect. My Dad was recently saved, and I wasn't. He was in and out of church and God for a while, and I believed in God but I never really took it seriously.

    My Dad had started taking me to his church (I didn't want to go at first). One night, I came home, after smoking weed, and he came to pray with me. We prayed, and I encountered the Holy Spirit for the first time. My life was never the same again. He said "Did you feel that?" and I said "Yeah". He said, "Every time I pray that happens".

    Fast forward around a year later, I've been freed from my past addictions, am part of a wonderful church, my relationship with my Mom is better than it has ever been before. My relationship with my Dad is better than it has ever been before. Simply because of God, prayer and faith that he can do it.

    Be strengthened in the lord, and seek his rest. He will deliver!

    God bless you
     

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