More You May Not Know

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by D . J ., Mar 23, 2017.

  1. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    This is a continuation of In Case You Didn't Know. As a continuation (Part II), it would be advantageous to read Part I to get the most out of the the thread.

    The following is general information that comes from Part I.

    [General Notes: Words in blue are links to information, click on the link to be taken to the source. The majority of the information is gender neutral but information in pink pertains more towards women but a variation may apply to men.]

    Everything ain't for everybody and if something doesn't work for you or you don't agree with it... don't do it, continue reading until you find something that does.

    Now that the formalities have been shared...

    Hang on to the truth

    You connect with God by means of the truth. And you connect with the truth by stopping lying. All Addicts are liars. Please do not resent this. It is just a statement of fact. Some of us lie in gross ways, some insubtle ways; but all of us are ferocious liars.

    As a starter, stop lying to yourself about your condition. Stop pretending it is better than it is. If you are an addict, you are in the grip of a disease which is a vicious killer, and you cannot do anything about it — not by yourself and not with the best scientific, psychiatric, or medical help in the world. Addiction is usually incurable except through spiritual conversion. If you face that fact, your chances for recovery are good. If you ignore it, your chances are poor.

    Next, stop lying to get out of jams or to smooth off the rough edges of life. Don’t lie for the sake of peace; don’t lie when common sense invites you to do so; don’t lie to cover up your past; don’t lie on job applications, expense accounts, or tax returns; don’t lie to your boss; don’t lie to your husband or wife. Just don’t lie. When you fail in this resolve (as you will), admit it promptly. And don’t indulge in failure; that is, don’t lie any oftener than you have to.

    This policy of non-lying takes real courage if you have a messy past, as most of us do. It feels like it is going to cause problems for you, rather than solvethem. But in actual practice it is a life-saver and a life-transformer. Try it, and you will find that non-lying simplifies life and makes it easier to deal with. And it does something else of greatest importance: when you take truth-telling seriously, you put yourself in direct touch with God. God is truth, and throughout the day every decision you make to be honest opens you up to the healing light of his presence. This is not just a pretty thought; it is something real, like electricity, only alive. Work for the truth, as best you can, and the living Truth — God — will work for you. He will give you the strength which you yourself lack, the strength to take the next step.
    (From "All addicts Anonymous") - posted by @OuterCircleGuy

    • "If you are like most men, your first sexual experiences as a teenager involved masturbation. Masturbating over and over ends up conditioning your body and nervous system to an habitual sequence: genital stimulation, mental fantasy, building up tension, and ejaculating. Teenage masturbation is essentially an exercise in fantasy, done alone, without much love or even human intimacy. By the most men are having sex with women, they repeat the same sequence they learned while masturbating. Sex has become a roadtoward ejaculation, a road paved with internal imagery, self-enclosure, and the desire to release tension." (Exerpt posted by @Automaticpilot from the book The Way of the Superior Man)
    How can you tell if you are addicted or on the road to addiction? Think about the definition... does the person feel compelled to act out even though they know the behavior is harmful? Does the person find themselves watching porn more frequently, look for more hardcore forms of porn, or try to bring their porn fantasies to life? And is there withdrawal symptoms when the person wants to stop? Here's a list of signs and symptoms. (from @i_wanna_get_better1)

    The questions some of of you may be asking:
    Are you convinced that not fapping and not using porn is necessarily positive thing? what are theevidence that this could bemore benificial? and this Imean - not to the porn addictswho use porn excessively which is obviously a bad thing to all views, but those who use porn once in a while, just becausethey enjoy it and yetunderstand that overdoinganything is a bad thing so keepthings "moderate" - what canyou tell people like this - people like me?
    • Here is a link to studies linking porn use or porn/sex addiction to sexual dysfunctions, lower arousal, and lower sexual & relationship satisfaction.

      Porn use and masturbation can cause ED problems such as premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and porn induced erectile dysfunction. You can condition your brain/penis to respond only self stimulation. You can unknowingly use PMO as a means of altering your moods or use it when you feel stress or anxious. You might feel irritable, anxious, or depressed without porn. Porn can slowly distort what is 'normal' and enjoyable. It teaches us to objectify women.

      Here's the thing... nobody knows when they slip over the line from casual user to addict. There is no sign, line, or warning signal. It's a slow and gradual process. Some people are more predisposed to addiction and become hooked more quickly. Many of us here have fallen into the addiction category and many of us wish we never started looking at the stuff.

      In a recent study, 75-90% of people who view pornography never develop an addiction, but that still leaves millions of people at risk. You never know you're one of the addicts until it's too late. The choice is up to you. (from @i_wanna_get_better1)
    • Recovery is much more than simply abstaining. We have to learn to learn to cope with our pain in healthier ways. We have to change our belief systems including what we believe to be right and wrong. We have to learn to see life as it really is and not color it with irrational thinking. We have to get rid of an addict's logic and beliefsystem. Rebooting is more than a sexual resetting of our brains. It's correcting all kinds of damage we have causedourselves when we choose tosink into a pattern of addiction. (from @i_wanna_get_better1)j
    • More good stuff from the book I'm reading [The Addictive Personality - Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior by Craig Nakken republished in 1996]. Addicts form rituals. Early in our addiction we form a mental dependency on an object or event. Next we form a behavior dependency which we act out in a ritualistic manner. Soon the ritual becomes a lifestyle because it has been going on for so long.

    • What is meant by a ritual? Imagine the wife is going to be out shopping. Once she leaves the house you might get comfortable by putting on certain clothes, go and sit or lay down in a certain place, setup your computer in a certain way, turn off the lights, check to see if the door is locked, and so on. So far you haven't even looked at porn or touched yourself!

      These rituals bring an addict comfort because they are predictable and consistent. They start to arouse excitement and anticipation. Addicts do not look to people for comfort but they look to their ritual for comfort. Rituals bind us to our addiction even stronger. It becomes a compelling behavior. The ritual makes it easier to slip into the trance. You've set the stage for a 'pleasurable' outcome.

      For those in recovery, we've come to understand what our triggers are. It can be looking at something that triggers us. Thinking about something. Feeling something. Something being done to us. But we can also be triggered when we stumble upon an event involved in our former ritual. A recovering teenager may get ready for bed and is ready to shut off his lights... he compulsively checks to see if the door is locked... and he feels a strong urge to bring his cell phone to bed... because that was his ritual. He wasn't thinking about porn but he experienced the first event in a series of events that used to end in PMO. It's like Pavlov's dogs salivating when they hear the bell sound.

      Recovery is more than abstinence... it includes recognizing rituals that can trigger a relapse. It means changing behaviors that bring us into temptation. If the wife leaves the house, then we might have to leave the house. If we're used to staying up later than the wife, then we have to change our bedtime. Routines are hard to change but we have to break out of our behavior ruts that end in PMO.

      One more point the book brought out about rituals... rituals feel good because we've surrendered to the addition. We might have been fighting against the choice: do I give in and act out or do I keep fighting. The tension may be building and an addict will not feel relief until the pressure is relieved. Rituals ease the tension because we have given up and surrendered. The addict reasons that once the choice is made to give in to just enjoy the ride.

      Addiction is a lonely place to live. Our addiction doesn't nag us, doesn't question us, doesn't complain or makes demands. It makes us feel better. It becomes our one source of happiness. And it drives us into further isolation. It robs us of our humanity. Recovery is about recovering our humanity and becoming human again. (from @i_wanna_get_better1)
    • Here is help for those going through the emptiness stage of your journey. (from @i_wanna_get_better1)
    • I keep remembering one of the techniques my therapist taught me to do when things start to feel overwhelming. Hold on just one more second, then 10 more seconds, then 30 more seconds... separate the obsession from the compulsion. When your back is against the wall and a relapse feels imminent then stall for more time to gather your wits and come to your senses. Rightnow I'm not white knuckling to stay clean but I feel the stresses of life starting to build up to levels I haven't felt in a long time. I'm trying to return to the basics and make sure I'm not sowing the seeds for a relapse. (from @i_wanna_get_better1)
    • So now i realized not to run away inwardly from having an erection or the urges. They come and go. It´s only my decision, what I´m willing to do with it.

      Do I decide to go after it or not. That´s the point everywhere.

      Do I decide to cheat on my wife when I got the opportunity, do i decide to eat too much so I am completely over-eaten, do I decide to eat an apple or a snickers, drink water or coke, do a meditation at night or dumb in front of the TV... Do I decide to be angry and nervous because the sluggish old lady on the supermarket checkout needs too much time...

      It is the small decisions through the day that makes us what we are, what we are thinking, feeling, doing. (from @bermalux)
    • "My message to all men is that you have to kill pride. You’ve been taught that pride is a manly thing, that pride is a good thing. But the problem with pride is that it stops you from growth. When you’re so proud that you won’t change, you’ve got problems. Male pride causes wars; millions of people have died because of male pride, because one man would not back down. Male pride will say, “I’d rather blow up my whole family than have everyone look at me as though I’ve lost.” That is so dangerous."
      - Terry Crews (posted by @Man With No Name)
    • "If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L means" First Attempt In Learning". And the End is not the end. In fact, E.N.D means "Effort Never Dies" And remember if you get a "No" for your efforts, its just means "Next Opportunity."
      Stay strong brothers. I just saw this text and wanted to share with you guys. It helped me a lot. (from @Acheron)
    • This the most powerful of all of the strategies you have listed. Once you have discovered and begun to deal with this, your journey will be easier to travel. PMO is not the cause of our issues, it's the poor solution we have chosen to deal with other issues in our lives which in turn became an issue itself. By not dealing with the original issue(s) in our lives, we turned to Porn and/ or Masturbation to create and Orgasm (PMO) for escape and comfort not knowing we there creating a learned behavior of dopamine (pleasure/ release) to which we then form an addiction. Determining the root cause and creating healthy solutions for dealing with that cause will lessen the attraction to run to PMO for a quick fix.
    • I just wanted to share what my good friend told me:

      "One tip I have for you John.., and it's about creating small, yet positive habits. For example, I decided to floss my teeth daily.

      At first it seemed so hard, but that makes sense, because this has been something I've been struggling with for a long time, but since I committed to it, it got really easy the more I did it, and sometimes I do it twice a day, mainly if I get some meat stuck in my teeth or something like that.

      The point I'm really trying to make is, if you commit to something that might seem a bit tedious at times you will find out that it controls multiple habits, like maybe flossing will remind you to rinse your mouth with mouth wash after brushing, or maybe it will remind you of goals you've set for the future, because any vision can be blinded by bad habits: like poor hygiene, or PMO addiction, and once you truly commit to these things you will start to see a prettier picture for your future.

      If you want to change your life, you need to change yourself, in order to change yourself you need to change your habits, and of course in order to change your habits you need to take action.

      If you don't take any form of action, nothing will change in your life. Your life won't improve, and you will only get worse, and that's why when someone is truly committed, and if for some reason they fall off the wagon, they get back up quick, and continue in there constant effort to develop, and grow.

      This is one of the most important commitments you can make for yourself. The commitment to improve yourself, and the reason why it feels so hard to commit to this, is because it's something that might seem too far out of reach, but I'm here to tell you that it's only as far to reach as you make it.

      If you chose to commit it will seem surprisingly closer than you initially realized, but you have to commit."

      It was too good not to share to others who read my journal. I hope the readers will also be encouraged by what my good friend said. (From @John..)

    Last edited: Aug 27, 2017
  2. EverythingIsConnected

    EverythingIsConnected Fapstronaut

    I just posted this to my journal and it is exactly what I need to hear each day when I get up and want to go right back to sleep. Thank you.
  3. Whackless

    Whackless Fapstronaut

    As a Buddhist and reader of James Allen, even though I don't study the Bible myself as I read Buddhist texts, I do relate well to this concept of God being Truth.

    People who struggle with understanding God as He may relate to their own faiths would do well to visit this site:
  4. Recuva

    Recuva Guest

    You're correct. I am a liar about this and I've known it for some time. It's time to be honest.
  5. This was a great post. I wish more great posts like this were on this forum.
  6. Man With No Name

    Man With No Name Fapstronaut

  7. Man With No Name

    Man With No Name Fapstronaut

    Become the greatness my friend. For all of us, and yourself.
  8. Man With No Name

    Man With No Name Fapstronaut

    High time indeed.

    Pornography is the biggest lie in the world.

    It only makes a worse liar out of already lying addicts.
  9. Thank you so much for both of your threads @D . J . !

    Very helpful and super informative. Both have been saved. I hope they become pinned posts at some point.
  10. sumersingh

    sumersingh Fapstronaut

    its only 7 days to go and you can do it bro i m happy for you

Share This Page