Motivation - Do your best, whether on day 1 or 1000. Don't let shame consume you.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Sovereign Soul, Sep 5, 2019.

  1. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    I'm currently on day 5, so no big achievement in terms of abstinence but I think I've hit a personal breakthrough that I wanted to share here.

    I went on a binging period of about 2 weeks before the beginning of September, and was feeling hopeless about not having enough will to get rid of this bad habit and take control of my life. I've postponed everything from job interviews, my projects, dates and hangouts with friends because I felt like absolute shit after every relapse because of both shame as well as lacking energy. To add insult to injury, a gorgeous woman that I was chatting with on Tinder came back to my city from a short vacation and actually agreed on a date. Mind you, I was feeling so low and powerless I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts (no actions, thankfully). I really didn't want to actually see her, because I felt that I would completely fail in actually attracting her. My anxiety was sky-high, it was hard keeping my head up when walking, I didn't feel like speaking to anybody, and couldn't even stand my own reflection in the mirror. When I though of her, all I can think of was sex and nothing else. Every sign was telling me to not actually go through with the date; to do what I usually do after relapses and spend 30 days on nofap and working hard and meditating etc. until I felt good and shameless enough to actually be confident on a date.

    As the day came, and I was about to write some bullshit excuse text to her to cancel the date, I fucking felt angry as hell. I realized that I'm stuck in a cycle trying to be some "ideal" pmo-free and self-controlling version of myself but never actually getting there. I postpone everything that's actually good for me to when I actually become this ideal version of myself that I'm proud of, meaning I never actually do anything to develop myself because everytime I relapse, shame makes me not want to do anything that actually develops me. I tell myself i'm not worthy of a girlfriend yet, of a job (yet), of starting that project (yet). I was literally stagnating. I decided to not cancel the date and just go through with it. I was scared shitless as my anxiety was so high, my brain fog was very intense and I felt like I wasn't worth shit.

    It's funny how your state of mind can permeate how you see the world and perception can seem like reality. I met her at a cafe and tried to just do my best expecting nothing but a conversation with another human being. No relationship, no sex, no kissing, not even a hug.

    We are now seriously dating and i'm still surprised at what's happening, but am nevertheless happier and working hard on getting myself back together, whether she's with me or not.


    Don't let shame consume you. We ARE worthy. This addiction/habit doesn't define us. What defines us is our will and commitment to change our ways, no matter how many times we have and keep failing. Realizing this, I have nothing but respect for myself and everyone in this community.

    Much love.
     
    Wordinhaler, Sinbad, Ogikubo and 2 others like this.
  2. Awesome post man, i'm really happy for you, i've been through it, and i know that especially in the beginning we think we are not ready for anything, most of us take nofap too serious and end up exaggerating like ''o i cant do that now, oh i will wait for that'', in the end, the problem is only one, PMO, nothing more than that. Life give us oportunities, and it is up to us to take it, happiness is a state of mind, and i remember i was with so much anxiety i thought ''oh i will wait untill day 90 to go to the gym, to college, i will feel much better by then'', thing is, i said ''fuck it, why not now? i'm not gonna let anxiety or whatever the hell destroy my attempt to live the life i want, im ok, i will be ok, lets just go'' my state of mind just changed and i made it, when i said that to myself my whole life changed, i believed in myself and what i wanted, i went to the gym, my anxiety dropped drastically, im in college now, im much happier and it help to reach day 90 much easily. We are the creators of our reality, we must create and take oportunities RIGHT NOW. Let's take our lifes back and stay away from PMO. We can all make it. Happy for you @Sovereign Soul , i'm pretty sur you will get much better.
     
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  3. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    Women are my motivation, I don’t hold any shame about that whatsoever. I think looking at Instagram photos of sexy women isn’t a bad thing IF YOU STRICTLY USE THEM AS MOTIVATION. To think ‘I want someone like that’. Just like being aspirational for a high performance car and going into the showroom for a look. Fapping isn’t going to get us anywhere. We need drive and desire in our lives, and a self control. I want a companion and I am going to get one. It’s only a matter of time.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2019
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  4. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your very inspirational words! Indeed we can choose to be creators, instead of perpetual victims. And it is amazing how just one action can set up a positive feedback loop that unlocks so many other benefits/achievements. You'll be hitting 100 days in 2 days, that's very awesome man!
     
  5. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Nothing to be shameful of imo, I think as men some of the energy and motivation we have comes from women (if straight), or to better put it, wanting to attract the ideal woman. Instagram used to be a huge weakness of mine before I got rid of it, but as long as you have the self control to not let it lead you to to pmo I don't see the issue. Wish you the best in your search mate.
     

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