Motivation

Ok, I must warn you, I'm feeling pretty high on endorphins, which is weird since I spent the entire damn day on minecraft. I am writing this to motivate myself because I'm feeling sad and stressed and perhaps will it motivate you to. This is not prepared, this is a stream of consciousness. May the Force be with you. And if you read this and if you feel bad right now, please now that I love you. And I'm here.



I don't do it for myself. I do not do this for myself. ALL OF THIS. The urges, the cravings, the mental storm, the burn, the sacrifices. I don't do it for me.

I do it for my future self. I do it for the one I'm becoming. I do it for the girl I want to become. Not for anyone else but God and me. Who I am right now prepares for the one I am evolving into.

In the entire last week I've ate sweets TWICE. TWICE. I USED TO EAT SWEETS EVERY DAY THAT GOD MAKES. I USED TO BE COMPLETELY UNABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF IN SUPERMARKETS. And here I am, eating my veggies, enjoying it, being so damn happy that I have the RIGHT and the ABILITY to eat healthy, to become healthier. These two times I've ate sweets, I felt like I had relapsed on PMO. I'm progressing. I'm getting better at this. Perhaps next week I'll eat sweets only once. But right now IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING VICTORY. IT MEANS THAT IN SEVEN DAYS, THERE IS FIVE DAYS I ATE HEALTHY. THAT IS FIVE DAYS MORE THAN WHAT I USED TO DO ONE YEAR AGO. FIVE DAYS MORE THAN WHAT I USED TO DO ONE MONTH AGO. It's like for PMO. AND ON TOP OF THAT, I've successfully completed two weeks of running 5 times a week, and I know that the girl I was a year ago would call me mad and throw garbage at me. I don't hate her. I don't hate anything nor anyone. Nothing deserves hate. I'm sorry old Anne-Dauphine, I'm just better than you. And I'm becoming even better, because why not?

And it doesn't matter if I screwed up on going to bed early or working on my book or anything else. It doesn't matter, at all, not the slightest, it's like it never had existed. Because it's not a phase. It's not a challenge. I'm not looking to impress anyone but me. This is a permanent lifestyle change. And perhaps will it take fifty years. And perhaps I will fall countless times. But I'm never going back to it. My mind is changing right now, cosmic speed. I'm making choices I never did before. I try stuff I never have. Better choices. Things that maybe don't make me happy right now, but it's perfectly ok, because they'll make me happy tomorrow, and this happiness will taste so much better, because of everything I've been through. It won't be an easy happiness. It will be a happiness as powerful as my urges were.

Because it's not who I am. Because it's not who I want to be. Because I know I'm so much worthier than that. Because it's written in my capillaries and because my soul is a forest. Because my life force is God's life force. Because hate brings nothing but hate. Because I believe that the reason I was born is to be happy, because God loves me.


And it absolutely doesn't mean that it's easy. It's so damn hard. I've been on the edge so many times. I've flirted with my urges like if they were made of flesh and bones. But they're not real. They're fake, virtual, and they make me another person. I AM the one who's real, true, and always progressing towards myself. My heart is pumping blood, my lungs are filled with air, I can feel pain and joy. I'm alive.

Rome wasn't built in one day. It takes a year to complete a one year streak. Fat can't be burn instantly, you have to run 42km to run a marathon. To pay a debt back, it requires money, it requires to you earn that money. To accomplish your dreams, you have to accomplish them.

Being healthy is in the mind. It's entirely, completely based on the mind. Being healthy is first and foremost being free. Today I can say that I'm free of a lot of things: smoking, smartphone, masturbation, pornography. It's a lot. It was hard. I'm proud of it. I have so much more to do, and it's not depressing, it's super exciting. I can't wait to see where my marathon training will take me. I can't wait to see where I'm gonna live in New York. I wonder which colour my husband's eyes will be. I wonder how people will react to my drawings, I wonder if some people will like them enough to consider them as being art. I wonder how my first Nikes will look like. I wonder how I will look like when I'll have a six packs. I can taste on the tip of my tongue the ecstasy I'll feel when I will have pay all my debt back. I can feel the pain of being punched in my boxing classes. I can see my daughter graduating and my son presenting me his fiancée. And on top of everything, I can see my mother smiling. I can see her eyes watering, I can smell her perfume, I can feel her holding me tight. I can see my father looking at me like I was more precious than all the diamonds of the universe. I'm not imagining all of this. I see it as I write. I see myself. Several months from now, several years from now. I'm looking different. I'm stronger, fitter, healthier. I'm confident, humble. I'm the result of what the current me is working for, and I love the current me who is writing this. I love her because she worked so hard, and even if she fell, she went back up. Wait for me, future me, I'm coming for you.

So yeah. Sugar taste sweet, porn feels good. It's easier to stay in bed than to hit the pavement. It's easier to give in. But it doesn't make me happier. It makes me sad and feeling worthless, when in reality I have the power to change the world. So suck it up Anne-Dauphine. Freedom is not doing what you want.

I'm victorious every time I put my shoes on and step outside. I'm victorious every time I don't PMO. I'm victorious every time I chose not to buy sweets. I'm victorious every time I get up to bed early, every time I wake up early. I'm victorious every time I close the computer and draw. I'm victorious every time I resist. I'm victorious for every right choice I make. I'm victorious.

I'm going to sleep. Because it all starts by sleeping well. Have the best day.

 

Woah. Woah. Anne Dauphine. This makes me feel like I can't wait to see you accomplishing your goals.

I can't wait, so instead, I'll look forward to hearing from your tomorrows, your next-days, hoping they're the ever-rising steps to your greatness.

 

Hey that mes me incredibly cheerful to see that it helped you a tiny bit! You're warming my heart! Hehe no prob phoenix, count on me, I'm very good at talking about my successes haha ^_^

For me, today while running I realized that this new running track I'm doing actually passes just next to the Union Chapel in Islington. Fact is, Union Chapel is a place where CocoRosie played in 2010, aka the time where Bianca were at her unbelievably hottest. It might means nothing for you but for me it's like God giving me a free pill to instantly get to my goal weight toned as hell. Because Lord knows I love this girl and she's my biggest fitspiration. Ily Bianca! I'm so grateful!

Besides I finally will have the answer that will determine my ENTIRE LIFE Wednesday so I'm relieved. Still stressed as fuck but more at peace deeply.

Life is amazing yo! Going for a walk in London! And I won't buy any junk food

 

Holy Mary Mother of God.

I've never in my life been that happy. It's out of this world. I have been received in Stage 2 of my BA Fine Arts studies. I will be an artist. I will be an artist. I'm becoming an artist. I'm already starting to be an artist.

Thank you Jesus I love you.

I've suffered intense stress for "nothing". Now I know what I love, I know where my talent lies, I know what God wants me to do. I will do everything to be successful. I'm becoming an artist. I'm becoming a runner. One day I'll be a New Yorker. One day I'll be a mother. One day I'll be a wife. I'm forever free from pornography and masturbation. This is my gift for you God. Being the happiest human that will ever exist.

I love you all on this site. You didn't saved my life. You saved my soul. Mamie in Heaven, little Lost Sibling, I will drink tea with you at the Resurrection of the Flesh. I love you and miss you. Maman je le fais pour toi tout ça. Je sais que tu es déjà fière de moi. Je sais que tu peux l'être encore plus. Je t'aime.


My whole life has been decided. I'm feeling so much I can't feel anything.

 

"The strength of this submission lies in a very well-written, structured and compelling account of your personal experience in collaborating with others to produce something of an unknown entity/outcome. As a piece of documentation, it is a narrative that guides the reader through a time-line of the final project, with insightful personal analysis. Although a strong analytical piece of writing..."

"Whilst your written documentation is excellent, you were also being assessed on your ability to document the entire unit as a whole, using workflow as your platform. Having said that, I think that it is clear that you express yourself with great clarity and confidence in words and that this has great potential to be developed as an aspect of your practice over the next two years. "

"Very good written description of individual Unit 2 project from start to finish. A deep exploration not only into the generalities (preparation, set-up and analysis) of the collaboration, but also into the more subtle nuances that the project engaged with"

"Excellent written essay on the motivation and scope of the project. Insightful and well-delivered."

"Very good evidence of working within a group, and being a driving force in the concept and methodology used in the final work, whilst simultaneously acknowledging the difficulties of such a task."

For fuck's sake I'm going to marry my tutor. May God bless every human. I love everyone. I'm so fucking happy.

 

Knowing from how low I come from, I honestly think I actually have the right to be proud. 3 months of permanent stress ain't nuthin to fuck with. Now I'm going to work harder than I ever thought it possible to. I'm going to follow Eric Thomas's advice: when you want to succeed as bas as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful. Btw it's you who showed him to me Abel, I owe you a big fat load of stuff bro. I'm going to sacrifice my old self to become the best version of myself. I'm going to fructify my talents and I will not have the arrogance to think that I haven't got any.

Knowing exactly what you want to do in life, knowing that people supports you and encourage you, it's the greatest blessing one can ever get, and I'm immensely grateful for this. Whatever if my fine arts diploma is not enough for me to have food on the table at the end of the day. I'm going to find another job if I have to, and really, it's ok. But right now I'm living what I've always dreamt of. I never thought I had any talent. I never believed in this. And here am I, in freaking London, and my school is one of the very rare places on Earth where I feel at home. I'm like Dory in Finding Nemo (btw this is my cult movie). I have the greatest luck that what I am studying and what I am trying to get a diploma for also is what is the most important for me on Earth. I can express myself. I have absolute freedom. Sure I have a giant student loan debt. It doesn't matter for these precious seconds.

Thank you so much guys you made my day even more if this is humanly possible. Ugh I'm dying of joy over here, send cactuses and adidas. May God bless you forever and even after the Afterlife!



If someone wonders: DEFINITELY, it directs from NoFap. This shit revealed the best I had in me. I shit you not. Seriously, do it. Quit. You'll see.



(Completely shamesless, but now I have the right to haha: my tumblr portfolio is here if you wanna check my stuff PS: WARNING there might be one triggering post!