Movies with sexual content

A question to PAs, how do you deal with movies that have sexual, triggering content but are not porn? How do you know if you are watching a movie as an excuse to be triggered or if you are watching it for the plot and characters, despite being triggering? Does it depend on the level of your reboot? Does it depend on knowing beforehand that the movie will be triggering and being able to make a choice? Is it about the intention to see something triggering?

I just saw my SO add the movie 'Career Opportunities' to his watchlist, a romantic comedy I have never seen, but the movie cover has Jennifer Connelly in a low cut white tank top revealing her noticeable cleavage. There is also this gif that I have already seen all over the internet that apparently comes from this movie with Jennifer Connely in that low cut tank top on a riding horse. I checked some reviews on the movie and the majority is guys saying the only reason to watch this otherwise average movie is Jennifer Connely's 'personality'. But I don't know if horny guys are really the most objective basis for deciding if this movie is soft porn disguised as a movie or an actual watchable movie. My SO apparently added this after watching a music video with scenes from the movie and he is the 'romantic' one of us, often wanting to watch romantic movies together that don't necessarily have sexual content. So I'm not sure what to make of this, even if a movie seems appealing for non-sexual reasons, would you as a recovering or already recovered PA intentionally expose yourself to triggers? We always end up arguing over this as he says he doesn't want to limit expressing his interests and hobbies just because he might see something triggering, which I can understand, but I don't know still where to draw the line between having to abstain from porn forever as triggering content and passively seeing 'porn' with the intention to engage in a hobby or interest. What do you think?

 

But isn't this more about you looking for simple entertainment from something you already know has actual sexual content in it? I was talking more about pursuing hobbies and interests that are clearly not sexual in nature and that potentially come with more or less subtle triggers. I am thinking of the movies Blade Runner 2049 and Ex Machina for example, two science fiction movies that have brief scenes of female nudity. If you were passionate about the science fiction genre, would you not watch those movies knowing that they contain triggers?

I might have caused a bit of confusion with the thread's title and asking both generally about media with sexual content and more subtle triggers that are not necessarily 'objectively' sexual. If for example someone was triggered by Scarlett Johansson, would they as an Avengers movie fan just not watch The Avengers movies, a family friendly action-comedy, because it has Scarlett Johansson in a leather suit? Like the movie I was talking about, it is a romantic comedy, released to age 6 or older in my country, it just happens to overly sexualize the main actress, without showing anything graphic/nudity. My SO is really into cars for example, and he watches any movie about cars because that's just something he's passionate about. That also includes the Fast and Furious franchise, which is known to always have an obligatory ass or cleavage shot.

Maybe this is more related to the level of recovery, as I theorized earlier. If someone's mentality is already 'poisoned' by porn and their brain is 'trained' to always see 'porn' in every attractive female, then that's something that can be 'un'trained. Unlike being triggered by actual pornography which will always be like a drug to any porn addict, no matter if actively addicted or in recovery, and therefore has to be always avoided. But then again, some porn addicts are addicted to sexy pictures of women, not necessarily graphic depictions of intercourse...

I don't know if any of this makes sense, since I'm not an addict myself, but that's just something I've thought about.

 

I guess the longer you are in recovery, the better you can distinguish between what you want and what your addiction wants.

 

I also think the problem here is that being sexually triggered is on some level a normal, natural reaction. An alcoholic for example will not really feed his addiction by just being in a bar and seeing and smelling alcohol. They will stay sober as long as they don't drink alcohol, which is a conscious/deliberate and controllable action. Whereas a porn addict still has natural instincts and an attractive woman in revealing clothes will instinctively trigger the same area in the brain that is triggered when feeding the addiction. I guess the level of 'triggerdness' aka the amount of dopamine released is much lower compared to seeing naked people perform sexual acts (porn), which means the willpower necessary to resist feeding the addiction is much less too. So I think again, it comes down to learning techniques as part of recovery to deal with 'unintentional' (natural) triggers in a healthy way, for example by focusing on something else in a movie scene/looking away or focusing on the technical aspects of the sport rather than the women's bodies. It's probably the combination of learning how to deal with natural triggers and also being mentally distant enough from the active part of the addiction to know when the addiction is taking over.

Maybe this is redundant but I just tried to make sense of it for myself.

 

I think it wasn't a good analogy. I'm sure ex alcoholics can still be triggered by just being inside a bar, I just meant they are not actively feeding their addiction in a way that a porn addict is feeding their addiction by unintentionally seeing a natural trigger.

 

Well, sounds like I still have a lot to learn about addiction. But that's why I'm here.