mr. eleven on his eleven months journey

Hello everybody,

I am happy to start here. Thank you for this supportative community.

One would describe me as a very happy man in his best age. Usually. I could never imagine how it feels to have a depression. I could not understand why things become so difficult when you have a depression. I thought: "Man you simply stand up and you do what you want if you really want to."

Lately my work challenged me a lot and I had a lot of trouble all around. I felt that my motivation began to shrink. Than finally the holidays came and I was happy because I knew now I could get new energy and start over again.

I realized that nothing happened on holiday. I had less motivation than ever and I was staying whole days in my bed. I really wanted to take action and do something productive but could not. That was a strange feeling. Now I can imagine how you feel when you are really under depression.

I read online-articles and learned what you can do to get new motivation. There was an easy recipe: Take action to become motivated.

I took action an started a membership in the gym instantly. That was a very good decision. It helped me out of my "almost depression" (I do not want to call it depression).

I do not want to fall in tears and tell you the full list of problems. I thnik all of us have enough. So long story short: With time this issue brought me into self improvement. I realized that there is a lot to improve. Man, I am working on me for round about six weeks and friends start to see a difference in my behaviour and appearience and so on. I seems that I realize who I am and who I want to be - I never really had a vision of my future and slowly it arises! I am a little bit proud of those small achievements but I realize that there is still a lot to do. One step is quitting masturbation (Gladly I never watched any porn in my whole life but that masturbation thing is such a hard thing - I tried to stop it for years).

My aim is self improvement and to have control over my life again and to be successful in my job while still have a private life. My job-contract ends in 11 months. I want to say that I am proud of my achievements and that I am a master in my job then.

For a few days I have the idea to live one year abroad after the coming eleven months. Before I was sure that I would never leave my country for more than a few weeks. Living in a foreign country would be such a challenge to me. It would be the non-plus-ultra. Can I achieve it? Why not?

 

Yeah, thanks to my parents. They taught me moral standards. Regrettably, I ignored these standards for a time in my life. But somehow I never watched porn. It was like a red line I did not want to cross.

Thank you for the warm welcome.