alphakadabro
Fapstronaut
I want to give back to this community and to all of our visitors here. I see how many guys are struggling. Some have been suffering for 20+ years, others for a decade and yet others are still teenagers.
I haven't read all of the success stories so I am not familiar with the exhaustive list of tips and advice. But, I will share the most practical advice I can.
I have talked with tons of guys on other forums and have a pretty good idea of what they're suffering with and how to help them. This tactic I am going to share today has worked for me for 30+ days. And I feel confident moving forward that if you do this you will be significantly better off in your progress than if you don't.
My Advice For Victory Over PMO
Environment. You must stop recreating the context that your addiction is occuring in.
You might have a few different environments. I will give you some examples.
Example One: In The Bathroom On Your Cellphone
You have made a habit of hiding your PMO like everybody else. You get a thrill out of the secrecy of the act. Maybe you live with your family or have roomates. You might share a bedroom with your sibling or a roomate.
In this example, you don't have much privacy. The only privacy you can consistently rely on is being alone in the bathroom taking a number two or a long bath/shower. You might even make up a story that you have stomach problems and that's why you are taking more frequent and longer visits to the toilet. Or, you might say you are stressed and need to relax with a long shower.
If this sounds like you, I have some advice. Stop taking your phone into the bathroom! Turn it off and leave it in the other room and/or in your pocket!
Interrupt the cycle by making P inaccessible. You cannot look at P if you are in the company of other people (and you obviously can't MO!).
Solution: Don't bring your phone into the bathroom [or keep it in your pocket and/or turn it off].
Example Two: Alone On Your Computer
In my personal experience, and talking to others, these are the two most common scenarios. So I want to address them upfront.
You might have your own bedroom. You might live in your own apartment or maybe you are married. You might live with a family but due to work/school schedules you know exactly when you will have uninterrupted privacy. You get excited thinking about the possibility of having no visitors and a fast-internet connection.
Solution 1: Don't be alone and on the computer. Leave your bedroom door open at all times. Turn off your laptop and keep it in your desk or closet once the lights go off. If you must use your computer, arrange the furniture so that the monitor is facing the door. This eliminates the privacy so anyone walking in the door can see your screen.
Solution 2: Keep your computer in a communal area. Make an excuse to put it in the living room where visitors, friends and family often sit and talk. Go to a public place (library, coffee shop, university lobby or hall, etc.) when using your computer and always sit so the monitor can be seen by other people around you. Plus, it is very suspicious when a person sits with a laptop in the corner of the room with their back to the wall. If you have access to internet cafes or computer labs, you may exclusively use them for the duration of your first 30+ or 90-days. Only use your computer when you are not alone.
Solution 3: Interrupt your PMO rhythm by only using the computer during certain hours of the day (i.e. mornings or afternoons until sunset). Complete all of your internet based tasks so that you won't need to be browsing when the time comes that commonly triggers you (i.e. before bed). This means prioritizing your computer usage in combination with the other strategies above.
If you follow these strategies, you will be reassessing your internet usage needs at the same time that you are increasingly socializing with others AND stopping a PMO habit.
Problems You Will Encounter
I am not naive about the difficulties you will still encounter even when employing these techniques.
I too attempted these techniques and had relapses. I remember looking at P while in a university computer lab. I remember dimming my screen so low so that other people in-public would have a hard time to see what I was doing. I remember looking at P with the sound muted while in the dormitory with my roomate on the other side of the room. I remember looking at P from my laptop in the living room when my family was present.
This leads me to my next piece of advice. Whenever I looked at P, and especially when I did PMO, I would consider that place to be desecrated or polluted. If you have PMO'd in your room before, it is going to be difficult to sleep, study and hang-out in there and always resist your urges. You will likely relapse if you don't make changes to your environment.
Environment: Change Your Living Space
This ultimately means to move (phone, bed, computer, etc) to a room, house or apartment where you have never PMO'd before.
If you live in a house, you might try to change your bedroom or computer room, to a new room. If you live in a studio apartment, or you cannot move into a new room, you can rearrange the furniture. This has a similar effect of transforming the envrionment with new energy. Change your furniture and replace it with completely new pieces, if possible. If not, you can still move all the furniture around within the room and make it look new.
If possible, you may want to move out into a new apartment or house altogether. You may even want to move into a new city. Do not expect the move to solve the problem - what you need is an additional step. You must vow to not pollute or taint the new living space.
When we enter a new environment we immediately take notice of its energy, aesthetics and mood. Some places are gloomy, others are romantic. What you need to do is preserve the non-PMO sanctity of your new room, house or apartment.
I repeat, this will not solve the problem on its own. However it will make it easier to maintain your streak. In combination with the other strategies (i.e. not being alone with easy access to P, etc.) you will find your reboot and total life transformation becoming easier. You will rewire your brain to the new environment. You will see your environment as contributing to your success rather than challenging you.
Problems: Sure, this has problems too. I remember PMO'ing while housesitting for a friend. However, I was very naive and unaware that I had an addiction back then. That would never happen with all the experiences and self-knowledge I have accumulated since then.
To conclude, I want to say that doing all of these strategies will make it very hard to PMO.
Our brains are not isolated from our environment. We will get triggers from the experience of being in a particular place. You do not want to add extra pressure to your journey by overcoming environment cues that are pleading, begging and enticing you back into your addictive misery. All of the things I have said are intended to support you in overcoming the PMO environment you have unconsciously created around yourself.
If you would like to talk with me personally for more advice, feel free to send me a private message.
I haven't read all of the success stories so I am not familiar with the exhaustive list of tips and advice. But, I will share the most practical advice I can.
I have talked with tons of guys on other forums and have a pretty good idea of what they're suffering with and how to help them. This tactic I am going to share today has worked for me for 30+ days. And I feel confident moving forward that if you do this you will be significantly better off in your progress than if you don't.
My Advice For Victory Over PMO
Environment. You must stop recreating the context that your addiction is occuring in.
You might have a few different environments. I will give you some examples.
Example One: In The Bathroom On Your Cellphone
You have made a habit of hiding your PMO like everybody else. You get a thrill out of the secrecy of the act. Maybe you live with your family or have roomates. You might share a bedroom with your sibling or a roomate.
In this example, you don't have much privacy. The only privacy you can consistently rely on is being alone in the bathroom taking a number two or a long bath/shower. You might even make up a story that you have stomach problems and that's why you are taking more frequent and longer visits to the toilet. Or, you might say you are stressed and need to relax with a long shower.
If this sounds like you, I have some advice. Stop taking your phone into the bathroom! Turn it off and leave it in the other room and/or in your pocket!
Interrupt the cycle by making P inaccessible. You cannot look at P if you are in the company of other people (and you obviously can't MO!).
Solution: Don't bring your phone into the bathroom [or keep it in your pocket and/or turn it off].
Example Two: Alone On Your Computer
In my personal experience, and talking to others, these are the two most common scenarios. So I want to address them upfront.
You might have your own bedroom. You might live in your own apartment or maybe you are married. You might live with a family but due to work/school schedules you know exactly when you will have uninterrupted privacy. You get excited thinking about the possibility of having no visitors and a fast-internet connection.
Solution 1: Don't be alone and on the computer. Leave your bedroom door open at all times. Turn off your laptop and keep it in your desk or closet once the lights go off. If you must use your computer, arrange the furniture so that the monitor is facing the door. This eliminates the privacy so anyone walking in the door can see your screen.
Solution 2: Keep your computer in a communal area. Make an excuse to put it in the living room where visitors, friends and family often sit and talk. Go to a public place (library, coffee shop, university lobby or hall, etc.) when using your computer and always sit so the monitor can be seen by other people around you. Plus, it is very suspicious when a person sits with a laptop in the corner of the room with their back to the wall. If you have access to internet cafes or computer labs, you may exclusively use them for the duration of your first 30+ or 90-days. Only use your computer when you are not alone.
Solution 3: Interrupt your PMO rhythm by only using the computer during certain hours of the day (i.e. mornings or afternoons until sunset). Complete all of your internet based tasks so that you won't need to be browsing when the time comes that commonly triggers you (i.e. before bed). This means prioritizing your computer usage in combination with the other strategies above.
If you follow these strategies, you will be reassessing your internet usage needs at the same time that you are increasingly socializing with others AND stopping a PMO habit.
Problems You Will Encounter
I am not naive about the difficulties you will still encounter even when employing these techniques.
I too attempted these techniques and had relapses. I remember looking at P while in a university computer lab. I remember dimming my screen so low so that other people in-public would have a hard time to see what I was doing. I remember looking at P with the sound muted while in the dormitory with my roomate on the other side of the room. I remember looking at P from my laptop in the living room when my family was present.
This leads me to my next piece of advice. Whenever I looked at P, and especially when I did PMO, I would consider that place to be desecrated or polluted. If you have PMO'd in your room before, it is going to be difficult to sleep, study and hang-out in there and always resist your urges. You will likely relapse if you don't make changes to your environment.
Environment: Change Your Living Space
This ultimately means to move (phone, bed, computer, etc) to a room, house or apartment where you have never PMO'd before.
If you live in a house, you might try to change your bedroom or computer room, to a new room. If you live in a studio apartment, or you cannot move into a new room, you can rearrange the furniture. This has a similar effect of transforming the envrionment with new energy. Change your furniture and replace it with completely new pieces, if possible. If not, you can still move all the furniture around within the room and make it look new.
If possible, you may want to move out into a new apartment or house altogether. You may even want to move into a new city. Do not expect the move to solve the problem - what you need is an additional step. You must vow to not pollute or taint the new living space.
When we enter a new environment we immediately take notice of its energy, aesthetics and mood. Some places are gloomy, others are romantic. What you need to do is preserve the non-PMO sanctity of your new room, house or apartment.
I repeat, this will not solve the problem on its own. However it will make it easier to maintain your streak. In combination with the other strategies (i.e. not being alone with easy access to P, etc.) you will find your reboot and total life transformation becoming easier. You will rewire your brain to the new environment. You will see your environment as contributing to your success rather than challenging you.
Problems: Sure, this has problems too. I remember PMO'ing while housesitting for a friend. However, I was very naive and unaware that I had an addiction back then. That would never happen with all the experiences and self-knowledge I have accumulated since then.
To conclude, I want to say that doing all of these strategies will make it very hard to PMO.
Our brains are not isolated from our environment. We will get triggers from the experience of being in a particular place. You do not want to add extra pressure to your journey by overcoming environment cues that are pleading, begging and enticing you back into your addictive misery. All of the things I have said are intended to support you in overcoming the PMO environment you have unconsciously created around yourself.
If you would like to talk with me personally for more advice, feel free to send me a private message.
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