My 30 day journey of no porn

I don't believe I lost my salvation during this time. As I see it, I believe that my fellowship with God was broken and He withdrew some things (not salvation). I believe if a person is truly saved from the heart, they remain saved, even if they fall into sin for a period of time. But, if a person is truly saved, then their attitudes towards sin is different and want to get out and stop sinning, in every area of life.. A truly saved Christian doesn't want to live in sin, even though we may be addicted and struggling. As I see it (my view), why would anyone want to live in sin? I believe sin gives a open door for the devil to harm us and prevents us from receiving God's best.

It's a daily battle with the flesh. Being tempted isn't a sin. Jesus was tempted... But, giving into that temptation is sin. I still have sin problems in other areas of life that I need to work on, especially the words I use when I'm stressed out at work. You can probably guess... I believe God has been laying it on my heart to deal with that.

Anyway, thanks for the replies! May God bless you all! I'll try to give periodic updates.

 

I'm still porn free. I'm also to the point of where I'm not "m" every day. Now, it's more like every 2-3 days. I'm controlling my thoughts better. The flashbacks of porn videos are continuing to fade. I'm thinking about them less and less. I still get tempted on some days, but I'm never going back to porn. The cost is too high to pay.

I've been dealing with depression over the past few months. I'm not sure if that is a symptom of not looking at porn anymore and my body is "adjusting" to the new normal. It's been "walking depression" that is teetering on major depression. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Even today on Christmas, I feel down and sad.

 

I'm still wrestling with my mental health. Some days I feel like I'm slowly getting better. Other days are terrible.

I'm still clean, but I recently saw a random video on Facebook, a couple of random videos actually that caught my attention for a bit. It wasn't anything long, it was probably under 30 seconds. I need to put some boundaries in place to keep that from happening again. I looked longer than I should have. I thought about counting it as a relapse, but I didn't dive into it or search for it like I would have many months ago. I also didn't "M" to it. You can see worse by walking on a beach. So, I'm not counting it as a relapse.... Temporary failure maybe, but not a full blown relapse. Be careful scrolling through videos on Facebook Watch, TikTok, etc.

 

I just added Facebook to my blocker on my phone. It'll be blocked after I've spent 5 mins on it per day. This will give me time to check the local weather forecasts from meteorologists I follow, family members, and community news. On my laptop, I have all images and videos blocked on Facebook with no easy way to undo it. A while back, I think I configured Plucky to block all videos on there so even if I come across a video, it doesn't play.

 

Just an update, I'm still free from porn. The devil has been trying to lure me back into pornography by sending things across my path, like the Facebook shorts videos I mentioned above.

Recently, I've temporarily moved into the living room. Keeping away from porn hasn't been the cause of me moving into the living room. It has been my mental state. I started having really bad anxiety attacks and it was leading to weird symptoms in my body. I started taking Lexapro that my doctor prescribed a while back. Most of the symptoms have stopped. I hope they don't come back because they were terrible. But, there is an unexpected benefit from moving into the living room. I'm falling asleep more quickly than I would in my room where I would do random things for hours. There are fewer temptations. I study and shortly after, I fall asleep. I usually wake up two to three hours before work (I work night shift, 9pm-6am) and get to spend time with family.

I feel like God is unfolding His plan for me again after being mostly on pause the past three years. I feel like God is slowly starting to open new doors for me. I started studying to get a CompTIA A+ certification. I hope to do the Network+ and Security+ certifications as well. I hope to use the knowledge I learn from these for Christian non-profits. There's a local nonprofit that does technology work, construction, shipping, etc. for ministries worldwide. They travel as missionaries on short-term trips to do these things. I hope to go with them one day.

 

I'm still going strong! Things have got easier, but the temptations still come occasionally. Sometimes, I find myself wishing it wasn't wrong to look... But, I know that is my brain just trying to trick me into it.

Recently, I started talking to a girl and we've really hit it off. I'm not sure where things will go in the end, but she really likes me and I like her.

 

I'm getting close to achieving a year of being porn free. Praise God! I know I can still be tempted so I'm not letting my guard down.

 

I'm officially over a year free now!