My 30 day self improvement journal

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Fighter_4_life, Jul 12, 2020.

Can I do 180 degree change?

  1. Yes

    53 vote(s)
    98.1%
  2. No

    1 vote(s)
    1.9%
  1. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 13
    Target 1: MENTAL
    1) MEDITATION

    - breathing exercise: 0 minutes
    - guided meditation 0 minutes
    - timed meditation 0 minutes
    - not practiced
    - no quality

    2)READING SELF IMPROVEMENT BOOKS /WATCHING VIDEOS (new)

    -Watched a spiritual video
    Which was about addictions


    Watched a video related to nofap ..

    -LIMIT RUMINATING THOUGHT/MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMS TO LESS THAN 5% EACH

    Maladaptive daydream =3%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%
    Excessive past reflection =30%
    That timer thing yet to be implemented

    TARGET 2: PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    - tried to get up at 5 am slept again
    -workout not done

    I am too tired and unmotivated for workouts too be very frank enough

    -TARGET 3 : PRODUCTIVITY
    - 3 hours study
    - 20 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo
    - cleaned my room.

    TARGET 4: SPIRITUALITY
    quran
    4/5
    Prayed night prayers - felt amazing

    Score 8/17
    47.05%
     
    TheStranger, ......., Zeezee and 4 others like this.
  2. babayagga

    babayagga New Fapstronaut

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    Bravo!! You have shown the courage to confront you and then pull you out of the mess...keep going you gonna have the best version of you very soon,,Good luck
     
  3. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much for the encouraging post wish you good luck in your goals as well
     
  4. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    My last post is dated Saturday.. Probably that is Fridays analysis..
    Saturday, Sunday, Monday Tuesday..
    I did nothing so my overall score must be somewhere near zero...
    But in fact I gained a lot..
    I manage these days without meditation and these are the starting days the hardest I didn't relapse or reset...
    Cause I am kinda getting closure...
    And i learned very important lessons...
    I absorbed them...
    I took this time off to kinda do soul searching..
    I don't Ruminate.. Ruminations are zero percent
    I don't even maladaptively daydream that much (a thought I have lucid dreams about my crush who was trash seems like he was a pmo addiction)
    Some important lessons
    Some people don't know how to love or love getting others hurt its okay .
    Its normal no need to play things in head over and over to search for an answer there is no answer..

    The best closure is that he doesn't care even though he pretends he does...

    And love doesn't hurt, if it hurts badly it was never love even if your emotional side doesn't accept it and most probably will never be

    You can't love person without knowing him fully and testing in various difficult situations..

    Don't fall in love with a person who makes you feel unloved and is of ill character, and chronic lier but pretends to like you, people are good actors they not only destroy hearts but minds.. Esp if your innocent and it was your first time loving someone

    I have been talking to this guy about exams etc and he is trying his best to fool me....
    And i am trying to fool him by paying and acting like a fool..
    I wished I has talked to him before falling for him... I am sure I could have seen through his fake words but I chose to love deeply without even talking to the person just coz someone told me he loves you... Such a fool I was
    But I can't believe a codependent love addict person I once was would ever play a player like him would have to strength to confront him and listening to his cunning explanation and not fall for his words and reject him on face..
    I feel happy for myself and the person I am today...
    I just resent the time I wasted which was the result my my mental health -
    Ptsd
    Pure O type OCD ie Ruminating
    Maladaptive daydream ie dissociation
    Depression
    Etc...
    I wasted a lot if time which i could have utilized to build my career etc
    I was just suffering till start of this month playing things over and over again..
    Reseting when things used to get out of hand..
    And entering hell kinda withdrawals
    I was stagnant water I couldn't move


    But i have been easy with myself..
    I found lot of support here I am thankful to you all...
    You try to fix me but maybe you don't know how much damaged I am..
    Something beyond repair doctors would say...
    But i have hope In Allah and he seems to heal me every day even if it is 1 %.. And every month I seem to get better

    Today i woke up for fajr and I feel very great.. I want to pray 5 times a day with consistency and night prayers as well...
    "It might be God will make me raise in glory.. I have no one but him and no help but from him...
    But him is all I need.
    I don't know why I am venting.
    But i just wanna say Alhumdulillah for everything allah

    Anyway..
    I don't wanna even read what I have written.. I am just venting myself..
    Hopefully from tomarrow I will shows some real progress
     
    TheStranger, Akeakua, ....... and 2 others like this.
  5. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    Well done Fighter, I am impressed by the strategy you are taking :)

    Stay strong! 10 days done now one whole month
     
    TheStranger, Akeakua, ....... and 2 others like this.
  6. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you Master chips :)
     
    TheStranger, Akeakua, ....... and 2 others like this.
  7. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    Everything changes. Sometimes it feels like impossible, but in fact if we analyze the situation deeply we can make it much simpler and be able to read what's going on. And then we can apply a strategy to cope with that. And if someone is hurting us over and over maybe we need to take an action by facing it.
    Above all, no damage is constant, we all here have hurt ourselves, and working on a healthy lifestyle as you are practicing is the first step to get better. Stay patient and persistent. :)
     
    TheStranger, Akeakua, ....... and 3 others like this.
  8. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much chips :)
    Healing is possible with the help of allah
    And i am healing.. That Is why I am here writing my self reflections :)..
    I know I will get better I did get a lot better but sometimes I question why me??
    People around me have amazing love lives, have married the person they loved, build amazing career, worked hard on their dream...
    And i just feel so sad that I am being so unlucky..
    Ya i am learning, growing and healing a lot..
    And trying to implement good healthy lifestyle..
    Hopefully things will get better

    "now that you have hit the rock bottom their is no way else to go by up"
     
    TheStranger, Akeakua, ....... and 2 others like this.
  9. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    I feel what you are saying, but if we think deeply, I think they had their own conditions which helped them to reach what they reached. They had their own story which we also don't see except what appears from it. We don't know what they are going through. You have your own story and conditions that nobody else experienced, and surely you can always build for what you are dreaming. Stay optimistic and be always proud of what your are doing :)
     
  10. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    I really hope so...
    Allah tests everyone differently I am sure if they were tested with what i was tested with they wouldn't be able to bear it but I also know that the might not have committed sins I did commit..

    May allah grant us all patience and perseverance and make us turn towards the right path..

    I will do my bit rest is up to Allah
     
    TheStranger, Akeakua, ....... and 2 others like this.
  11. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    I know I am checking in after a lot of days sorry Ppl I needed to give myself a break and I was super busy these days
    Day 14
    Target 1: MENTAL
    1) MEDITATION

    - breathing exercise: 5 minutes
    - guided meditation 10 minutes
    - timed meditation 0 minutes
    - practiced in morning
    - excellent

    2)READING SELF IMPROVEMENT BOOKS /WATCHING VIDEOS (new)

    -Watched a spiritual video


    -Watched a video related to nofap .


    -LIMIT RUMINATING THOUGHT/MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMS TO LESS THAN 5% EACH

    Maladaptive daydream =0%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%
    Excessive past reflection =0%
    Amazing I guess

    That timer thing yet to be implemented

    TARGET 2: PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    - tried to get up at 5 am
    -workout not done


    -TARGET 3 : PRODUCTIVITY
    - 0 hours study
    - 20 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo
    - cleaned my room.

    TARGET 4: SPIRITUALITY
    quran in Arabic +English
    5/5 prayers
    Prayed night prayers - felt amazing


    Score 14/17
    82.3%
     
  12. TheStranger

    TheStranger Fapstronaut

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    Mashallah. Well done sister.

    You'll do it next time. I believe in you.

    F. You got this one next.


    Glad to hear it.

    Good job.
    Keep up the good work!
     
  13. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you Thors .
    I knew you would be happy with the fajr prayers on time
    And you were right.
    Praying 5 times a day would be the most important power up ever..
    I felt so peaceful yesterday..
    I am just improving a lot ..
    Esp Mental health Alhumdulillah

    Also,I am reading quran in Arabic I know it was difficult as I was used to read it in English but it felt great so ya positive vibes :)
    But ya way to go
     
  14. TheStranger

    TheStranger Fapstronaut

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    Of course I'd be happy. My good sister did something that not all muslims do and is content with her efforts by doing it. And of course I'd be right. We're talking about being in the will of Allah here. There's no way you wouldn't feel powered up.
    I envy your progress as I'm really doing nothing to improve myself. I'm not going to talk about myself in your journal since it would be a nuisance so I'll not talk about it here.
    Feeling peaceful is natural. You're (were) in the safe zone then. Now, I don't feel anything when I pray 5 prayers a day. However, when I do end up missing 1 or not praying one in a group, a feeling of regret sticks to me and makes me hate myself more than anything. I suppose it does give me peace of mind in a way. I'm pretty sure it was all your efforts and mostly Allah's guidance that let you pray these 5 prayers but what matters is that YOU wanted to pray those 5 prayers. That's admirable and is wonderful on its own.
    Keep up the good work sister. Always keep moving forward. Forward is the only right way for us to progress in,anyway.
     
  15. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    You are way better than me..
    And i long to reach your streak..
    It is only few days I manage to pray 5 times mostly I pray 4 times a day unfortunately..
    Alhumdulilah things have been much better..
    Repentance is key to success...
    There is no other way..
    My family loves me a lot these days and in my whole life I was feeling isolated.
    It is by will if allah.
    "if allah touches you with hardship there is no one who can remove it by him while if he allows something good to happen to you no one can stop it from reaching to you "- quran
    This verse really touched me and I realized all the anxiety etc, that I was going through comes from not trusting allah enough.. And that is itself a progress :)..

    Besides brother I have way to go as far as self improvement department is concerned..
    I have downloaded "Atomic habits"
    And subscribed to some good YouTube channels..
    Hopefully.. When I come out the other side I would be the best version of me

    And you also..
    Wishing you good luck
     
  16. TheStranger

    TheStranger Fapstronaut

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    Not really. I can't get myself to start an actual functioning plan and work on that plan to help me get better in life.
    It's just Abstinence. I've got no real way to fight urges other than to not give in.
    I see. I'm glad to see that you've been feeling well lately. It's quite natural for our hearts to be soothed and healed by Allah's words from his quran,after all:(افلا بذكر الله تطمئن القلوب)
    Good lookin' out sister. Take care.
     
  17. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    I think you should try workouts..
    I think you are relying on willpower only
    And read self help books
    Download reboot regimen by Universal man I am fan of him and love his youtube channel.. You are a guy so you can relate it too.. All my fellow mates from Lord of the rings challenge watch him...
    He is amazing and he talks about productivity as well in "man of action series.." you can watch that as well


    Ps I guess you mentioned in the remembrance of allah do hearts find rest.. I am weak at Arabic sorry ;-)
     
  18. TheStranger

    TheStranger Fapstronaut

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    I will. Thanks for suggesting those
    You're not as weak as you think you are. You got it right. Well done. I'm glad the message reached you well.
    Imma do that. Thanks again for the suggestions.
    Take care,sister and Keep moving forward.
     
  19. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 15
    Target 1: MENTAL
    1) MEDITATION

    - breathing exercise: 0 minutes
    - guided meditation 0 minutes
    - timed meditation 0 minutes
    - not practiced
    - no quality


    2)READING SELF IMPROVEMENT BOOKS /WATCHING VIDEOS (new)

    -Watched a spiritual video


    -Watched a video related to nofap .


    -LIMIT RUMINATING THOUGHT/MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMS TO LESS THAN 5% EACH

    Maladaptive daydream =0%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%
    Excessive past reflection =50%

    That timer thing yet to be implemented

    TARGET 2: PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    - tried to get up at 5 am
    -workout not done


    -TARGET 3 : PRODUCTIVITY
    - 1.5hours study
    - 20 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo
    - cleaned my room.

    TARGET 4: SPIRITUALITY
    quran in English
    Fajr miss


    Score 10/17
    58.8%
     
  20. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 16
    Target 1: MENTAL
    1) MEDITATION

    - breathing exercise: 5 minutes
    - guided meditation 13 minutes
    - timed meditation 5 minutes
    - in the morning
    - quality excellent

    2)READING SELF IMPROVEMENT BOOKS /WATCHING VIDEOS (new)

    -Watched a spiritual video


    -Watched a video related to nofap .
    I am watching path for men featured course for recovery and healing (lol even though I am women)..
    So i took the recovery capital quiz scored horrible..
    So i have been assigned my first task ie to improve my concentration and check whether I have adhd which I do have Btw and take steps to fix it
    Watched a video about it ie how to fix adhd without medications and it mentions following :-
    -mindfulness
    -mediation
    -deep breathing
    -good sleep quality and maintain its rhythm
    - organized things
    -exercise

    Will try to do all of it except exercise as I am not feeling well these days

    -LIMIT RUMINATING THOUGHT/MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMS TO LESS THAN 5% EACH

    Maladaptive daydream =0%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%
    Excessive past reflection =25%

    That timer thing yet to be implemented

    TARGET 2: PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    - no 5 am
    -workout not done



    -TARGET 3 : PRODUCTIVITY
    -0 hours study
    - 0 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo

    - cleaned my room.

    Score 10/15
    66.57%
     

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