My 30 day self improvement journal

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Fighter_4_life, Jul 12, 2020.

Can I do 180 degree change?

  1. Yes

    59 vote(s)
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
  1. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    So as I said I took the recovery capital assignment... These are my result..

    Overall recovery capital- 23/50 low

    Personal recovery - mid
    How keen you are about recovering etc..

    Global health psychological- low
    Abity to focus, concentration, mental health

    Global health physical- low
    Ability to perform at work get things done

    Risk taking /accountability- high
    Acceptance of mistake and not being responsible to it hers needs

    Coping and life functioning - mid

    Social and lifestyle recovery - mid

    Recovery of SA & Sobierty - mid

    Citizenship and community support - low

    Social support - low

    Meaningful support- low
    Relationships etc

    Housing & safety - mid

    0 ways of acting out ...

    I have been asked to retake the test every 30 days and focus on areas of weakness which is every thing almost..
    One of my teammates in BOOTCAMP said he had scored low in all.. So no need to worry..

    #1 improve concentration
  2. What's done is done. We can't do anything about the past but we can learn from it. Better luck next time sister.
    Why was it that bad?
    Imma have to get dem workouts in there as well. We got this.

    F. You shall get better days than these inshallah. Keep up the good work.
    Good shit. Keep it up.
    Just take in the useful and throw away everything else. Hey, you're probably better than me on that path for men part xD
    I'll look that up.
    Understandable. I don't really want to point it out but this makes sense for the thing I usually comment on the most. I hope you get well soon.
    Why's that? Late night sleep?

    By the way, I'm just making sure but if you mind me/find it annoying that I comment on every single thing and want me to stop,just tell me instantly. I don't plan on annoying others even if I think what I say at times might help someone out but I'm asking this just in case.
  3. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day report
    Today i had a dream.. Someone molesting me..
    A teacher and student are saying it is my mistake I kept quite and didn't stop...
    They talk bad about me
    I do have these assault related dreams many times..
    Helps me heal my masochistic fantasy addiction
    But sometimes I fantasies pain in other ways.. Today's eg
    Like that guy bullying me and suddenly I get killed in accident and then they regret being bad to me.. And i did that today.. And i guess my head feels heavy..
    But i won't reset on this..
    I am addicted to pain unfortunately

    Anyone reading this and is codependent with loved one not treating them rightly.. Just get out as soon as possible.. Look what has happened to my brain..
    Abusive relationships f***s you up mentally, socially, academically, emotionally

    I don't know what my mind wants.. My mind wants Ppl to be sorry..
    Dude they are too messed up to b sorry y
    Whatever :)
    Key to success is keep your mind busy
  4. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    No I really really appreciate people's post and comments... And replies as well
    it gives a kinda quality support

    You are doing good.. And i like to help others in their journey as well.. I will keep 1 hours for helping people in this community..
    I feel I have a lot to offer advice etc etc..
    Helps Ppl a lot..

    You will Insha allah have good progress from my side..
    And i am quite excited about that recovery course on path for men thing..
    Following order #1 with dedication

    May you have a nice day :)
    And nice life :)
  5. Pain bad. Pain make no good. Dreams happen whether we like it or not. Can't do much about it but..

    But this.
    This is exactly what to do about it. Good job.
    Your mind is playing tricks on you most of the time. It wants you to feel comfortable somehow. It tells you to go right where you won't get emotionally damaged but you also won't improve/progress in life and it'll be sad times for a while so It's best to go left, where you're suffering to understand what made you suffer. Why it made you suffer. Because somethings are also burned into my memory that constantly bring me down. They're stuck with me and are a part of me now. I must use them to improve and get better.
    I hope again that you overcome your problems. Good luck.
  6. Glad to hear that.
    That's a good deed to do. I wish you luck in succeeding in it.
    You too.
  7. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 17
    Target 1: MENTAL

    - breathing exercise: 5 minutes
    - body scan :7 minutes
    Mindful meditation :12 minutes
    - practiced in morning
    - excellent
    Loved mindful meditation like anything it is next level.. Grounds you to present... Frees you from chains of past... Improves adhd
    #following order 1 from path for men ie to improve your concentration


    -Watched spiritual blog.. Plus scrolled through motivation quotes 50 at least

    -Watched a video related to reason to nofap
    Underlying condition ie I didn't have the life I wanted so basically I watched lot up self help videos. . The one I like really is youtube blog by lavendaire She is fab beyond amazing.. I highly recommend her esp if you are a girl


    Maladaptive daydream =0%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%
    Excessive past reflection =29%
    Amazing I guess
    the timer thing:I tried to be implemented

    - tried to get up at 5 am
    -workout not done

    - 0 hours study
    - 1.5 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo
    - cleaned my room.

    Score 13/15
    86. 6%
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2020
  8. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    I think the dreams related to what you have mentioned could occur due to PMO by a reason or another. I relate to it in other way especially when I get a long streak. I believe it is a sort of recovery, call it a withdrawal symptom. Just ignore it and resist it as you do!

    I am impressed by your routine's activities!

    Have a good day sister :)
  9. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much but these dreams really increase the craving and I had hard time fighting this masochistic thought and today it's day 0
    I think I should take extra precautions and practice powerups early in the dream days...

    Thanks for support & like :)
  10. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 18
    Target 1: MENTAL

    - breathing exercise: 5 minutes
    - body scan :0
    Mindful meditation :12 minutes
    - practiced in morning
    - excellent
    #following order 1 from path for men ie to improve your concentration


    -Watched spiritual video short and sweet.. Don't remember what it was

    -Watched a video related to reason to nofap
    Lot of lavendaire videos on and downloaded. She is amazing but..
    One exercise from her video which I liked very much was to imagine the kinda life you want after 3 years to very tiny details.. And write that thing down
    And kinda make a road map to reach that kinda life and put price value on the practices required to reach there
    And depending how important the things you do are for your life do it with consistency


    Maladaptive daydream =0%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%
    Excessive past reflection =29%
    Amazing I guess
    the timer thing:I tried to be implemented

    - tried to get up at 5 am
    -workout not done

    - 1 hours study
    - 1.5 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo
    - cleaned my room.

    Score 11/15
  11. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    I am sorry for the relapse. I have been there, you did well and as you take extra precautions things will get better. I would highly suggest you to use Affirmations if such thoughts and fantasies keep coming to your mind. For example write a number of points that tell the truth away from those fantasies, and keep reading them. As you are reading it feel it, imagine it and accept it.

    For example:
    "The fantasies that come to my mind are wrong and bring nothing except pain, humiliation and disrespect. A true relationship is based on loving each other, understanding and caring for each others. Built on responsibility and building a happy life of a successful family. This is the truth and this is what I want"

    By time things will get better I believe :)

    Good luck and keep fighting!
  12. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you so so much..
    And thanks for this affirmation its great :)
    I plan to record a voice note when I am alright and everytime I am having a difficult time or dealing with dream days
    I can listen to it..
    Hopefully that is good way to go like instant panic button
  13. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Well sorry not not updating I am quite busy these days... I just couldn't find spare time to report my improvements here... I am thinking about creating another journal...
    And this journal will be about my improvements only..

    My thoughts
    My thoughts and feelings about the progress will be shared on another journal I guess....

    I forgave that stupid crush of mine who hurt me and brought hell upon me..
    We have been taking for sometimes and I feel he is still a player but he can't play me as I don't love him anymore but talking to him gives my mind sense of security..i feel the situation is over now
    It is calm now. .
    No need to panic, worry and Overthink..
    Or Ruminate

    I always used to think he can play me use me and exploit me coz I have very strong feelings for him..
    Guess I doubted my strength.. I ain't love addict anymore..
    I love myself more..

    When I talk to him it kinda gives me exposure and response prevention therapy used for treatment of OCD and Ptsd..

    And i heal very very much..
    This isnt coz I loved him and he says sorry..
    This is because I put myself In a situation which I always feared and prove to myself I can talk to him and still not get swayed by his words and get carried away..

    It is really therapeutic for me to talk. To. him.. And the best way to destroy my fear..
    I don't fear anything and talking to him is one way of letting myself go of the and the anxiety/Ruminations that is robbing myself of happiness and causing me to relapse every now and then..
    I think at max I will talk to him till October end.. Then I need to just ghost out of his life.. I am sorry but I love myself not to put me in such a situation that will cause me trust and anxiety issue.. (I can't believe I wrote that)
    There are far better men waiting for me
    And I don't need no man..
    I just wanna focus on my career and self improvement and be the best version of myself

    "I ain't looking for a Knight ♘ in shining armor I am looking for a sword to defend and protect myself "

    Any suggestions on this decision on mine will be welcomed :)
  14. Leader of ME

    Leader of ME Fapstronaut

    @Fighter_4_life You did fine . I like it .

    A tip :
    That mentality is to be ghosted with him . (if you want your best of course ) Woman needs a man more than anything . And it is not bad to admit it, just the decision to not being foolish and invest in you is good . But careers are for men and not women, I guess Quran is similar to my thoughts in this regard (just a guess ) .

    Why that can be a thing ? Being emotional it may supress you and later on brings you a hell depression .

    More of an advice .. Very humble one .. Really respectful and wanting to help . Explaining myself cause it is too delicate . Religion . If one has no religion, one is free . It has no depression . All the saving from outside( I know Allah grace is not described as this, but ... ) leads to addiction, bad feelings, anxieties .

    We are here to exp. life and not think what is before or after it . What is in the Heavens or in Hells . I can see clearly how and why religions all over the world manipulate people . It is part of the matrix , but once again , with all my respect, it is you to believe in whatever you want . It's your right .
  15. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    I think the best way to deal with someone who causes you hurt is to avoid this person. I also think that once you leave someone you used to rely on, may cause you tightness at first, sadness.. but be 1000% sure that it's just a matter of time and then it will end and you will get to focus on your life. Actually love sometimes is considered as an addiction, so it is treated similarly.

    Second thing, as I understood by what you have mentioned is that you will keep contacting this guy for yourself as a sort of therapy. I would say this is like "Using" this guy for some purpose, in my opinion this is not the right thing to do. If you think he is a player, just leave him.. he does not deserve it. I believe OCD is not treated this way.

    Also do not take a negative preview about men as a relation because of this guy. It's our nature to get in relationships, we can never deny that. Remember that we are all humans so nobody is perfect and if this experience was bad. Another might be awesome.
  16. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    I don't understand what you mean.
    i will walk away from that person I guess.. So basically I will ghost him..
    But not with him..
    I can tolerate a lot but I can never tolerate someone exploiting females feelings for their benefit.. I don't care if he likes me or not

    I agree we do need men.. But we also adapt .. I am seeing lot if self help video on YouTube and reading blogs.
    We just need to fall in love with ourselves before we fall in love with others.
    And i want to do that.. Work on my goals happiness, make my dreams etc etc and then I will settle for a good guy.. Right now I am not in that state

    I live in a society whether people don't marry unless women is financially independent unfortunately...

    No quran allows business for women but not in free mixed environment and with a dress code.. And various professions Esp gynecologist should be a female acc to islam.
    It did and I don't think it will repeat..
    People forget everything in the blink of an eye so i have learned to be good to people only if they really really deserve it..
    I don't exactly understand what you are a saying..
    But it is not about hell or heaven it is about improving quality of life.. Religion improves quality of life....
    Whenever I used to pray to god when I was extremely hurt by this guy
    I used to see verse " repel evil with good" in my scripture
    At that time I wanted vengeance I was spiteful I was sick and boiling with Ruminations etc etc OCD
    I was angry at God showing me to forgive his wrongdoings etc etc

    But now that I am being nice to that guy he is also apologizing for hurting me(and denied his wrongdoing lol) and I think I have 90% healed..
    So in that way scripture was right..
    It fixed my problem in a way I never thought it could be fixed

    Very less people follow religion these days in my community as well . To get manipulated by religion is very difficult these days..
    But anyways thanks for your message..
    I just don't judge Ppl on how religious they seem for you don't know is in their hearts
  17. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    I also though that it might not be a good option but I think the pros overcome the cons..

    As you can see from my post before talking to this guy I used to Ruminating 75 and I needed to meditate for 30 minutes to make it one day as I had severe Ptsd +ocd

    But after talking to him I don't Ruminate at all Ptsd +OCD is healing and I can go on 15 days without meditation..

    I definitely don't generalize men but I need some time off so that I can make good choices..
    And gain more financial stability
    I agree that Is how I got healed otherwise I really really loved this guy a lot..
    It is just a matter of time
  18. Leader of ME

    Leader of ME Fapstronaut

    You seems to worry too much, like all of us .
    It will be fine . Stay cool .
  19. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thanks leader.. :)
    Good to here" like all of us"
    At least I am not alone
  20. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 19
    Target 1: MENTAL

    - breathing exercise: 5 minutes
    - body scan :12 minutes
    Mindful meditation :12 minutes
    - practiced in morning
    - excellent
    (After a long time)


    -watched self improvement video about importance of self love. I am tagging that below

    Ps If you think you get triggered by heavy makeup girls don't watch the video

    Plus I downloaded lot of self improvement book I am going to read them and will refer to you people as well..i have a strong feelings to get really amazed reading their content

    -Watched a video related to reason to nofap.. That Someone tagged me a video on my LOTR challenge and I liked it :)


    Maladaptive daydream =0%
    Ruminations /intrusive thoughts =0%

    Excessive past reflection =29%

    Solution : more no of days in streak - - - more productivity - - - less time to think about closed chapters

    - tried to get up at 5 am
    -workout not done

    - 4 hours study
    - 0 minutes Spanish learning from duolingo
    - cleaned my room.

    4 prayers, fajr miss
    Quran in Arabic +English

    How to fix it
    I miss fajr coz I cannot wake up early - - coz I sleep late - - - coz I procrastinate my daily chores - - - coz I excessively self reflect ie waste my time + no drive/motivation - - - coz I am an addict + suffering from OCD

    Solution : waking up at fajr is mostly possible when I reach high streak and be more productive.. It is a feedback loop.. Do one thing the other thing gets done, don't do one thing and you can't do other..
    Woohoo I figured it out

    Other achievements :
    1)-i literally have next level of self love and self Esteem.. I couldn't even recognize the codependent me who would bear brutality but please others... And i really really liked that.. I stand for who I am and what I want I really like that
    2)-I am free from music for 30+ days.
    3)-I feel happy
    4)-taking to the guy has been really really therapeutic for me..for OCD + Ruminations etc.. Off course I will not fall for him. But ya I wanna forgive him and move on and this thing is really giving me a closure. Today I saw a dream about him and me getting stressed about his wrongdoings. It looked like a p/mo recovery Dream.And I think the trauma was too deep and I guess I am recovering

    Score 13/17
    76. 4%

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