My 30 day self improvement journal

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Fighter_4_life, Jul 12, 2020.

Can I do 180 degree change?

  1. Yes

    59 vote(s)
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
  1. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Just continuing.... From Yesterday's post..

    So yeah..

    Coming to topic 2

    My reboot :
    It is day 17..
    I am happy where I am..
    I had like 2 relapse dream consecutively which is a sign of healing.. I am glad..
    I wanna make it more than 30 this time.
    But addiction of any sorts seriously hampers our productivity. And mental state.

    I reached here without any power ups like no meditation and no workout...
    I am just trying to heal my mental state, and deeply buried emotions which I always used to repress.. Which I did.. Like it took almost 3 months but I am working on my emotional state..
    I have healed lot of my core wounds..
    Right now I somewhat struggle with assertiveness and I am working on it...
    Has to do something with childhood trauma which I can very much relate to..
    Need to work on it..
    I think this is very important for succeeding against pmo devil..
    Work on your repressed thoughts and emotions, learn to express your needs and emotions instead of suppressing it...
    That is very essential for long lasting recovery..

    But power ups are also important and without any delay I will b starting it from today
  2. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    A fresh start to a productive self

    Disclaimer : the method I am adopting is recommended by Universal man in his free pdf reboot regimen. I really recommend everyone to download it.

    Productivity I always used to struggle with it..

    So i will create a day plan and a weekly plan

    My day plan will consist of

    -most important things (MIT) which will be like goals of the day. To obtain them I will be using pomodoro technique and time blocking apps

    - tasks :they include general things and chores I have to carry out for the day.

    -Critical points
    They include my inner dialog which happens when I want to do something which my mind doesn't agree with like mo/fantasy/wasting of time..
    What went wrong, how I convinced myself to do otherwise.

    Also I have to create week plans:
    These will include

    -habit tracker (at max 3 habits)
    -MIT (most important things or goals for the week)
    -to dos
    This will be the format of my journal

  3. Aliman8

    Aliman8 Fapstronaut

    Well interesting .Looks like you're spreading your efforts far and wide,like chasing a lot of rabbits at the same time.
    Meditation is quite an impossible task after relapse you would have to recover for 3 days at least before you start and as it comes to workout-everyone does one every day be it house chore like cleaning,preparing meals,taking rubbish,shopping or some more sports related one.If you have not enough workout you would have fallen ill from blood stagnation and clotting soon enough. And the only weapon against PMO is a full acute awareness of it by everyday studying of its nature,the ways in which it affects us and strategies of the successful brothers who have defeated it.Simplify your life and it will take care of many stressful states which drive you to indulge in PMO.
  4. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    These rabbit's made my life hell that is why I am chasing them...
    It is very important to give your best if you are fighting against such a bad addiction.

    Ya I used to meditate a lot suddenly lost track of habit and now I realize how much positively it affects my Overthinking pathway and addiction..

    This is extremely important..
    I m glad I have been working on eliminating my stressors
  5. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Journal day 1

    Most important things
    - watch video lectures for exam and revise them ( I haven't even started preparation) - ❌ at least Started
    - mediation + breathing exercise - ✔️

    Tasks :
    Clean my room ✔️
  6. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

    It's great to see you reaching almost a month!
    I am curious, what is the most factor that you think has helped you to reach this streak ? is it different than previous streaks ?
  7. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Ya I am happy as well..
    I really really want to get past 30 this time and forever..
    I think the most important thing in this streak is that I have processed lot of my repressed emotions..
    I have gotten closure to lot of emotions (resentment,anger, vengeance, hatred, hurt, neglect,) and these emotions used to overwhelm me and cause me to relapse every now and then

    Right now the only emotion I feel (last 18 days) and have to Deal with is deep sadness and I am trying to process this as well.. I figured that as well today..

    So i am glad I did lot of inner work..
    I think I mostly resent things I didn't say at the moment when I had to say it that really used to bottle in me and hurt me and caused me reset..
    I figured I wasn't assertive at all and now I worked on it... I don't hold anything inside.. I am glad..

    Apart from that I am really trying to pray to Allah for forgiveness and trying to i read quran everyday and try to pray 5 times everyday..

    That's it I guess..

    Still I must add I don't meditate these days and it is something I really need to do coz it has been so helpful dealing with and choosing one good thought over other
  8. WaterNewt

    WaterNewt Fapstronaut

    Hey Fighter!
    I read a bit of your journal and saw the things that you are suffering from.
    I don't have experience with ADHD and OCD but I am someone who has had PTSD, depression, severe anxiety and some other things I guess.

    I had around 4 years of psychological help but just talking didn't really help me.
    HOWEVER! A Dr. said that she could help me with my PTSD using EMDR
    it is a therapy method that is used a lot for PTSD.
    I would fully recommend EMDR if you still have a lot of anxiety and trouble because of PTSD. Look it up and try it! If you want to of course :D

    Keep up the good work! You got this!
  9. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much even i know of EMDR therapy..
    It is just that I couldn't afford it coz I am still a students and haven't told my family about it..

    But i have tried ERP (exposure and response prevention).. Studied it via Internet and applied it myself and it really worked.. Basically you have to expose yourself to something that you really fear or are scared of and when you get response other than you expect. You heal Ruminating, anxiety and OCD.. Had to try for at least 3 months.
    I did that and I could feel OCD, ruminations and intrinsic thought have really healed in last 3 months more than they have healed in a year...
    I am very happy

    What I felt was these mental illness were making my reboot a mess even if I used to meditate every day for 30 days still I used to relapse the day I didn't meditate

    Right now I am on day 41 and I am on this streak without mediation as I work on healing the core cause and not symptoms management by meditation..

    Ps - Thanks for a lot of likes on my thread... Much appreciated :)
    Toni7, Zeezee, Jarad999 and 3 others like this.
  10. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Hello Ppl it's day 45 and I am hell of Unproductive...
    In a depressed mode..
  11. RaXaZ

    RaXaZ Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    As long as you get a decent amount of sleep, have some food and expose yourself to sunlight. You get through it mate!
    Toni7, WaterNewt, ....... and 2 others like this.
  12. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thanks for supporting me always :)

    Ya I am back to day 1 after 45 days but will keep these things in mind
  13. You're welcome Miss Fighter :)
  14. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    I had been reading my journal and I realized how many time I spoke about that crush of mine who in the end didn't even love me (at max he might have liked me superficially) .. I remember crying the whole night coz of this guy..
    And waking up with my eyes aching..
    I was so depressed from last 2 months (1.5 accurately) that I felt difficult to even reply to messages over here... Sorry but everyone's message means a lot to me..
    But i was experiencing hell of a depression... Hopefully it is healing

    Wasn't worth all this...
    I blame myself equally... Self love is very important..

    Anyway past things past.. I am happy I realized things in the end.. Though it really makes me sad but it will fade over time

    Now lets analyze the damage

    1) STUDIES...

    I studies nothing this year...
    My mind is not fully present with me..
    I want to be very good student but lol...
    My actions are in opposite direction.. To what I wish..

    I don't meditate.
    Neither I workout.. Nor I clean my room..
    Very Unproductive in all spheres of my life..

    Now the good part
    1) The good part is my connection with my God is really improving.. Really really very much.. Still way to go..

    2) And i completed 45 days which means a lot to me I think I recovered very quickly.. Even though in the end I did relapse but I didn't binge so yeah some recovery... I Wanna be really stick regarding my reboot and heal my brain, damaged brain I should say

    So from tomarrow I will pull up my socks and start trying my best :)
  15. Aliman8

    Aliman8 Fapstronaut

    Hey,welcome back !
    A piece of advice:
    -Stop thinking of rebooting in terms of streaks, it is once and for all thing. The thinking in terms of streaks indicates your lack of awareness about what PMO-Lust really is and the depth of damage it causes to you. You must become a very good ,diligent student of rebooting to raise your awareness, vigilance and understanding.
    -For a time of rebooting (it should be at least for a year) abandon all thoughts about men/males as sex partners.You must to see them as your brothers, fathers,sons as human beings without any sex reference attached .Drive away any sex references as if they were foul air poisonous to breath. This will keep your consciousness in peace during reboot and maybe after if you choose so.
    -Meditate every day without a day off.Regard it as a food for your soul and better refuse to eat then stay without meditation even for a day. Here I would recommend you to do a simple Buddhist breathing awareness meditation by the timer to gain awareness of your own thoughts and ability to manage them.
    p.s. At the Lord of the rings challenge they have excellent tips to follow and some of the fellows are using them and the forum as an accountability partner to accelerate their progress. I recommend you doing the same sort of thing and give a daily account on you following those tips.
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2020

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