My 30 day self improvement journal

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Fighter_4_life, Jul 12, 2020.

Can I do 180 degree change?

  1. Yes

    39 vote(s)
    97.5%
  2. No

    1 vote(s)
    2.5%
  1. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Thanks brother :)
    I had read somewhere that emotional wounds, trauma always heals by processing and ends only when your brain can make a sense of it. Sense if what happened. I feel in few days I will be able to leave trauma away completely ... That Is why I needed to process it for few days..
    But i really need to Deal with it once and for all it is taking heavy toll on my mind:)

    Thanks brother for all your support again :)
     
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  2. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    Anytime,sister. I hope you're successful in your endeavors.
     
  3. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 13 & 14
    MEDITATION
    None broke my 14 day streak

    2) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    No Cold shower
    No workout

    On 14 didn't even clean my room ( music binging i guess)

    4) ACADEMICS :
    2 hours on day 14

    5) PARTIAL DOPAMINE DETOX

    Binged on music for two days straight acted as negative feedback lost all motivation


    State of brain : I don't know but i was stressed a lot and I was feeling anorexic a lot I couldn't even eat properly.. But i guess my Ptsd would get better from now

    Day score :0%

     
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  4. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 15
    MEDITATION
    Breathing exercises :6 minutes
    Guided mediation :10 minutes
    Timed meditation :4 minutes
    Meditation alleviating addiction :8 minutes. (this was really nice and it was based on 3rd step of 12 step recovery)

    Total: 28 minutes


    2) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    Cold shower
    No workout
    clean my room

    4) ACADEMICS :
    30 minutes

    5) PARTIAL DOPAMINE DETOX
    0/30

    6)Spiritual

    Offering all prayers + read holy book

    State of brain : i was stressed in morning and afternoon then I meditated and was at comparatively better place.was feeling very depressed


    Day score :35%
     
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  5. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 17
    MEDITATION
    Breathing exercises :6minutes
    Timed meditation :4 minutes
    Total: 10 minutes


    2) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    No Cold shower
    No workout

    clean my room

    4) ACADEMICS :
    30 minutes of Spanish

    5) PARTIAL DOPAMINE DETOX
    0/30

    6)Spiritual

    4 prayers + read holy book,fajr miss

    State of brain : maladaptive daydream whole day... Trash day. Can't stop not living in past


    Day score :25%
     
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  6. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 18

    MEDITATION
    Breathing exercises :9minutes
    Timed meditation :6minutes
    Guided mediation :10 minutes
    Meditation for addiction :10minutes(1st step)
    Total :36 minutes
    Meditation time :almost in morning(which is good)
    Meditation quality : good

    Loved Chanting mantra
    " I see your pain but I also see your courage "


    2) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    Cold shower
    workout( after ages) (=felt extra energy like never before besides it is such an trigger effect killer)

    clean my room
    Balancing gymnastics to cure maladaptive Ruminations

    4) ACADEMICS :
    30 minutes of Spanish
    Plus detailed plan comming
    0 actual academic

    5) PARTIAL DOPAMINE DETOX
    0/30

    6)Spiritual

    4 prayers + read holy book,fajr miss

    State of brain : very productive,
    Ruminations /daydream : 25%
    Goal is to have zero percentage of Rumination + maladaptive daydreams (Escaping from reality).. But still it is good given that I have average 75% Ruminations



    Day score :80%
    I m happy and proud
     
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  7. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 19

    MEDITATION
    Breathing exercises :9minutes
    Timed meditation :6minutes
    Guided mediation :10 minutes
    Meditation for addiction :10minutes(2st step) it was bit of yoga
    Total :36 minutes
    Meditation time :not morning(which is not good ), {Ruminating thought had taken over first half}
    Meditation quality : medium
    Lesson from meditation
    " to be present here and now is extremely difficult for Ppl with addiction and over time it changes the way we see ourselves. Anything that was priority is lost (in my case academic).. Reality seems like a distant friend. We fall deeper into insanity. But there is hope and it starts with the courage to be present
    Yoga : agitations of mind are solved
    Sanity : soundness of mind
    Yoga =sanity


    "honesty this perfectly describes my state of mind.. I can relate it very much.. I need more practice in meditation.. More I redirect my mind, more easy will it be for me to be in present moment (= NO Ruminations, no maladaptive dreaming, no dissociation)



    2) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    -Cold shower
    -workout ( will try stretches at night)
    I have to give my best
    One thing at a time

    -clean my room
    -Balancing gymnastics to cure -maladaptive Ruminations

    4) ACADEMICS :
    30 minutes of Spanish
    academic: 1 hour
    Pretty less but I started

    5) PARTIAL DOPAMINE DETOX
    1/30...resisted everything


    6)Spiritual

    4 prayers + read holy book,fajr miss

    State of brain : excessive self reflection where it all went wrong..
    It is okay to learn lessons but my mind keeps repeating lessons over and over again which is pathetic.. I Googled and find I have many Overthinking pathways (=aftermath of Ptsd) which are very addictive :my Overthinking pathways are
    1) my ex love.
    2) my toxic college friends.
    3) I get objectified
    Will heal them one by one
    (so I have 5 addictions (3 Overthinking pathways and MO and masochistic fantasies =rock bottom)

    Ruminations /daydream : 50%
    Goal is to have zero percentage of Rumination + maladaptive daydreams (Escaping from reality)..



    Day score :60%
    Okay day
     
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  8. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    Nani?!
    Well done on resisting everything. Keep it up.
     
  9. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    It is very difficult but will try
     
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  10. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Day 20
    MEDITATION
    Breathing exercises :6 minutes
    Guided mediation :10 minutes
    Timed meditation :4 minutes
    Meditation alleviating addiction :8 minutes. (this was really nice and it was based on 4rd step of 12 step recovery)
    Total: 28 minutes
    Meditation time : not in the morning which is not good
    Meditation quality : medium
    What i learned
    You are recovering addict, you have perseverance even if you lack every other human quality


    2) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
    Cold shower
    workout/ sleep stretches
    clean my room
    No balancing

    4) ACADEMICS :
    30 minutes of Spanish
    Zero academic otherwise

    5) PARTIAL DOPAMINE DETOX
    2/30

    6)Spiritual

    4 prayers + read holy book fajr miss

    State of brain : maladaptive daydream
    40%



    Day score :40%
     
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  11. Leader of ME

    Leader of ME Fapstronaut

    IMPRESSIVE .
    Blow up thing .
    Offer me some insight on cold showers ? Why you guys love it so much ?
     
  12. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    You can do it,sister. Keep it up.
    It increases your circulation, I copied more from google here:Increased circulation is one of the top reasons experts recommend cold showers. As cold water hits your body and external limbs, it constricts circulation on the surface of your body. This causes blood in your deeper tissues to circulate at faster rates to maintain ideal body temperature.
    It also shuts down urges right away.
     
  13. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    F
    Good job ,but what does 'No balancing mean'?
    Good job and...
    F
    Hmm. I'm having trouble understanding this. You need perseverance in order to stop yourself and keep trying to stop yourself from watching hours of pornography but lacking human quality? Maybe it makes you lie easier when you constantly watch it as it damps your mood and mental state so It's not really easy to speak the truth but eh. I'm probably reading too much into it.
     
  14. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    https://www.healthline.com/health/cold-shower-benefits#limits-and-risks
    Check this link for detailed explanation
    On benefits of cold shower.
    One particular benefit I like is it invokes discipline to resist something we dislike
    Plus it released endorphins which are called happiness hormones which helps us alleviate depression something knows as hydrotherapy.. It has been clinically proven
     
  15. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    Basically to fight maladaptive daydream and Ruminations you need to engage your brain in activities that involve your cerebellum and as we know cerebellum helps in balancing so i need to do more activities that involve balancing like climbing a tree, or balancing on one leg, gymnastics,
    I just studied psychology of Ruminating, dissociation and maladaptive daydream
    Long story short..
    Studies shows it is caused by cerebellum and cerebrum getting overly involved in something they shouldn't so the solution is to make it ie cerebellum get involved in something it should
     
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  16. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    12 steps step four says
    Step 4: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
    So basically the guide was saying to look within ourselves and find any positive qualities, remember the time you really helped someone and associate a human good quality to that
    If you cannot find any positive quality than know since you have courage to come this far you have perseverance

    Personally I didn't benefit from 4th step that much because honestly it deals with freeing yourself from guilt that you have hurt someone intentionally ( as far as I can make it) but in my case I was extra Good to people around me. The only person I hurt in my whole life was me.
    And allah
    And when she said visualize yourself helping someone in your life (I could get 20 people) who returned nothing but trouble..
    Didnt work for... Me.
     
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  17. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    That 'she' is you? Honestly, I would sacrifice myself and my mental health in order to help people that would do nothing but trouble if and when I do help them. It's the right thing to do. I would regret it for a lifetime if I didn't use up the opprotunity to be a human being. To self-sacrifice. Maybe that's why I beat myself up too much. Maybe that's how I will finally be able to tell myself that You,are not a selfish person. You're a good guy, now. Well done.
    I think there's a group for the 12 steps thingy and I'm sort of interested but I won't read too much into it. I'm already having a hard time trying my best not to be selfish at all times.
     
  18. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    "She" referred to the meditation guide.
    You are getting it wrong i guess.
    She asked me to visualize myself helping others to make me feel I am good person.
    But when I visualized it I immediately realized what those ppl did to me afterwards and that caused me pain

    Its not...it is 100% not.. You can't sacrifice yourself for others and then tell yourself you did a good thing... You did evil to yourself... You push yourself towards resentment and unhappiness and that in turn makes you do evil things like pmo etc etc..
     
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  19. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    My bad. I'll stop thinking about it too much ,I guess.
    The self that can't take hate,resentment and resorts to PMO...That is the weak self that I may have been the last time I relapsed.The problem is, I've done too much bad and too much disgusting things in the past that I don't deem myself that much worthy anymore. That is true even now. I think It's right for me. Not everyone, or anyone for that matter. I don't mind it and I feel the normal happy feeling when I do see myself doing that sort of action. The action I deem correct and won't make me regretful.
    I'm just bad at these things. Maybe I'm wrong in the head but I'm not sure about that too.
     
  20. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

    That is most of us...
    I don't know where you are comming from.. Personally if I ever did something really bad it was only between me and allah, no other person involved no hurt souls. You may have a different story


    That is what the 4th step was telling.. Visualize all good to have done to free your self from the guilt of all the bad that you have done
     
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