My 52nd. Birthday and 16 th. Month PMO free

I was born in September 12 th, 1964 ( yikes, I am getting old
Which means in a couple of hours It will be my 52 nd. birthday .The day we were born is an important one for us, we celebrate, eat cake and get some gifts.
But I will be celebrating tomorrow something more important. On May 12 th. 2015 I was reborn again. After 41 years of PMO addiction, I got to the bottom of the depression and sadness and I chose to fight back. Enough of crying about some traumatic episodes in my past, enough of having pity of myself. Enough of pretending that I was having sex with beautiful persons, while I was having sex with my sweaty right fist. Enough of pretending that I has everything under control, and that my life was perfect. On May 12th 2015 I stood up and chose to be an adult, not a jerky teenager any more.
This is my 16 th Month Celebration of my new life.
It was not easy, it hurt a lot and I went through a lot of pain during my first 6-7 months of reboot. Too many times I was in the verge of failing. Too many times I craved to get back " just once more" to the delusional state of fantasy, the foggy brain, the stupid fake pixelated sex scenes in my screen. I used to PMO 3-4 times per day, EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life since I was 10 years old. This is around 45.000 PMO " sessions". How stupid is that? This does not count the amount of money ( and time) I spent in male escorts and one night sex hook-ups.
It feels now so surreal. A grown up man, successful business man, proud husband and father, university professor...becoming a sweaty creep 3-4 times per day, hidden in an office restroom, in a dark room, to in any other place I could hide to PMO and " get the kick" I needed to keep pretending.
After 16 months I can feel that all this is in the past. I get 2-3 urges per week, some stronger than others, but I can stand on my feet and force them to vanish.
I learned that no matter how shitty is the reality, it will always be better than the " golden fantasy" that we pretend to enjoy during our PMO sessions. I know that if I fail now, I will feel like shit. I will feel like a loser, and " the Gremlin" that is sleeping ( I hope almost dead now) will get awake stronger than ever, victorious and arrogant.
I will not let this happen.
Gentlemen, this fight is tough. But it is worth it.
I raise my glass and cheer with you to celebrate my 52 birthday and my 16th month. And to thank so many Fapstronauts who have helped me to get here today.( and of course to @alexander and to Mark Queppet from NoFap Academy, who always were there to help me when I needed a good piece of advise and coaching.
Salud
Fercho

 

T

thank you very much for your encouraging words @LSTHX , keep inspiring us in the Heirs of the Sun group

 

Ch

Cheers @shrike , let's celebrate but just drink with moderation, alcohol is not a good ally for reboot

 

Muchas gracias @Jon.B
Te invito a que postes en nuestro post en español si quieres, es muy activo:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?search/3298708/&q=Español&o=date

Fercho

 

Thank you and Happy Birthday for you todo @MaryJaneIsMyGirl

 

Thank you very much @Dr.NoFap . Yes, an amazing present indeed

 

Tante grazie per tuo buoni auguri @Maxxx

 

Several Fapstronauts asked me these days which is the main difference I can see after 16 months of reboot.
If I need to chose one, is the sense of freedom and relief. I used to feel always like a hand pressing my chest all the time, I used to feel sad and depresses, and guilty of hiding my PMo and escort addiction behind a facade of "perfect husband, father and businessman".
I accepted now that life is not perfect. That some days are great and some days are shitty. But I do not need to hide behind any addiction to cope with those shitty days. I can chose now to live as I want, and not as my addiction is telling me to live.
I can enjoy life some days, and feel stressed some others, but I CHOSE how to cope with those feelings.
I used to get up in the middle of the night with nightmares, very anxious and sweaty, or worried about some problems at work. My mind used to make those problems bigger and more dramatic an night, I saw everything dark and unsolvable, and always ended up "seeking relief" in PMO.
When I get up now in the middle of the night with some problems, I can think over them and say to myself: " Things are not that bad. You have solved worst problems before, and you will do it once again in the morning, with a fresh mind. If you could bit PMO after 41 years, you can do anything. PMO ing will not solve anything for sure. Let's get back to sleep and work on these problems tomorrow". I start breathing deeply, trying to meditate (although i am very bad at this because I lose focus very soon), but it works.
So what i got from reboot is the concept that I can do whatever I want from my life. It is all a matter of will power, of not being scared of feeling pain and discomfort. I went through tough withdrawal symptoms, and I thought several times about quitting my reboot. But I overcame them, as I can overcome any problema life puts in front of me.
This is a SENSE OF FREEDOM I have never felt before in my life. And the main benefit I can describe from quitting porn and escorts 16 months ago.
Fercho

 

I am back in Boston once again. I come here to teach very often and I love this city.
Every time I can, I visit my favorite Barnes and Noble bookstore, sit down in the coffee shop inside and read some books.
It reminds me the second week of my reboot ( kind of 500 days ago, BTW).
I came here for first time since starting my recovery. I was feeling like shit, blue ball was killing me, I was super moody and disoriented.
One second I felt euphoric, the next one I wanted to cry.
I knew I have reached rock bottom two weeks ago, I Kennedy I did want to change my life and leave the addiction in the past forever.
I was hopeful, but clueless. I felt very guilty about my past, 41 years lost in PMO and escort addiction.
I sat down in this same table and started writing. I was asking for help to the NoFap community, I needed support and advise.
500 days fast forward : I am sitting here and I feel like crying again. But this time they are tears of joy.
I cannot emphasize enough how difficult was this journey, how painful the first months were. But also how much support and good advise I got from this wonderful group of Fapstronauts, how many times I was in the edge of failing and someone rescue me, stopped me and help me continue.
500 days is a big number which is worth a celebration.
I will be so grateful to all of the great members who gave me strength to get here today. I am committed to keep fighting, no matter how hard it may be.
And to help other fellow Fapstronuats as they helped me at the beginning of this journey.
Fercho

 

Thank you @FURPY , I like that one